After a month of dating girl is non responsive.


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Jamiewan is offline Jamiewan Post #1  October 4,2011, 2:50am
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Hi,

I met this amazing girl online, met her in real life after a few messages, and we hit it off right away. We have about 1000 things in common and it was fantastic. We went out about 7 or 8 times in four weeks and had lots of plans to do more things together. We would text back and forth all day every day. It was great. After four or five weeks of this she all of a sudden stopped replying to the majority of my messages. She had a busy week at work and had to stay late most nights so I backed off and and gave her some space. She said that would be the last time that ever happened, but after that week things didn't go back to the way they had been. She would respond to my texts right away, but not keep up the conversation and leave it hanging. I asked her out again (via text. I know I should have called, but that's the habit I got into with her, because she couldn't talk to me on the phone while she was at work) and she didn't respond at all. I sent her a few texts to let her know about some of the cool things I was doing and she would respond enthusiastically right away, but not keep the conversation going. I invited her to a holiday dinner at my family's house just as she had done for me a few weeks earlier. She said she would have loved to go if only she wasn't celebrating the holiday with her family as well. I called her and got her voicemail, but she texted me 30 seconds later saying she was getting a new phone and would call me back. I still haven't heard anything three days later. I'm 39 and an inexperienced dater due to my shyness. I know there were a few opportunities to make a move that I let get by, but I was going to talk to her about things the very next time we went out. That next date hasn't happened. She's a really down to earth girl and doesn't seem to be the type to play games. Please help me make sense of these mixed messages I'm getting from her.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #2  October 4,2011, 9:16am
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is back in the game

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The most likely cause is that she does not feel the same way about you as you feel about her. There could be another guy, or she just might have found something about you that makes her less excited now, or she may have decided that she is not ready for a serious relationship.

This kind of thing happens more often than you would think. Things seem to be going well, and then one person loses interest.

It is also possible that she has been super busy, but I do not think that is the most likely.

I would talk to her about it whenever possible, so you can know where she stands. Not knowing sucks the worst of all.

One common thing that many people do, especially those who have not dated a lot..........They find someone they get really excited about and they over-do it. Then the other person backs off a little (either on purpose, or just because of circumstances out of their control) and then instead of giving them a little space, the make up for the backing away by trying harder. Not sure if that was you, but it would be extremely common if it was. I have been there, and done that, and have the t-shirt.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  October 4,2011, 9:21am
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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She's just not that into you.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  October 4,2011, 1:13pm
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What do you mean make a move?

Anyway, it may be that she lost interest. It happens. However it may also be that things between you are normalizing.

What I mean by that is that it sounds like you spent an enormous amount of energy contacting each other constantly for the past month and that kind of stuff just can't be realistically maintained. Usually what happens is one person suddenly realizes that they've been missing out on life and are behind on all kinds of things because they've spent so much of their time and energy on dating this one person. So they redirect their attention to other things - work, friends, catching up with hobbies and chores. This invariably means slowing down and cutting back heavily on all the contact that was going on. Of course this also invariably means that the person who is not ready to slow down will freak out.

I think only time will tell which is which. However, going forward, I'd be careful on overdoing contact with someone. You don't want a brush fire type relationship because it will burn itself out fast.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #5  October 4,2011, 2:01pm
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Text to set up a time to have a real phone conversation and during that conversation confirm her ongoing interest.

Texts do not perpetuate emotional momentum sufficiently to build a relationship, they are only a useful way to exchange information. If you are going to build a relationship with someone, you need emotional intimacy togardually grow, texting does not effectively do this.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 4,2011, 3:10pm
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tweet37 wrote :
She's just not that into you.
This ^^^

Time to move on. She has.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 4,2011, 3:12pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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LDJ wrote :
Text to set up a time to have a real phone conversation and during that conversation confirm her ongoing interest.
No need to do this, she has made it abundantly clear that she is not interested.

Texts do not perpetuate emotional momentum sufficiently to build a relationship, they are only a useful way to exchange information. If you are going to build a relationship with someone, you need emotional intimacy to gradually grow, texting does not effectively do this.
True.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #8  October 4,2011, 3:24pm
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She is using you as entertainment when she is bored.
Next.
 
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Jamiewan is offline Jamiewan Post #9  October 6,2011, 5:09am
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Yeah 'no longer interested seems to be the consensus, which I'm starting to accept myself. Why can't they just come out and say the words rather than play these games though? It's so frustrating.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #10  October 6,2011, 5:30am
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... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

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A month and eight dates and you never made a "move"? That might be why she lost interest. She may have put you in the dreaded "friendzone".

She may just not be the right woman for you if you want to take things slow.
 
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