The Magic Attitude that Inspires Honesty in a Man

The Magic Attitude that Inspires Honesty in a Man

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The Magic Attitude that Inspires Honesty in a Man


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Breezy1 is online now Breezy1 Post #31  October 4,2011, 6:01pm
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Would like her heart to be touched first...

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You first.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #32  October 4,2011, 6:24pm
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Accept a partner's disclosure. Don't make them afraid to tell the truth.

I find that by encouraging a climate where I can hear a disclosure, and not react from emotion, my partners feel safe to disclose.

Better to think, and having thunk, discuss the ramifications, than react without thinking.

***

Tickle them. Sometimes, the best way to get a confession is a tickle or a spanking.

***

Have a set of criteria, and don't waver. If honesty is important, you get no pass if you are not. If your partner disappoints, end it.

Never use tricks or traps. I say what I like and what I want. With that I have done all I can to ensure I am with a partner who accepts me.
 
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Breezy1 is online now Breezy1 Post #33  October 5,2011, 3:38pm
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Would like her heart to be touched first...

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D_Lion wrote :
Tickle them. Sometimes, the best way to get a confession is a tickle or a spanking.
*Giggle....

Personally, I expect any partner that I am with to be completely honest with me, especially if the situation affects my life. I would hope that I don't have to "inspire" this trait.
 
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Authentic_Guy is offline Authentic_Guy Post #34  October 6,2011, 11:55am
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As a man I can tell you that the words "I'm Just Curious" do NOT put me at ease. In my experience these words more often than not, carry a hidden agenda or are a red herring for some other question. I am also a bit cautious of "You're not seeing anyone else right now, are you?" as the author pointed out. I don't necessarily feel defensive but the question is a little too oblique for my taste. It does get at the basic information but its couched in a way that seems, well, defensive. Not a big defensive but there none the less.On a date with a new woman in my life I would MUCH rather that she simply say "Are you dating anyone right now?" or "Are you in a steady relationship right now?" or "Are you serious about anyone right now?". And I would prefer to not hear this question until date 2 or 3, although I would answer it on date 1 if asked.Do you want to generate attraction in me or get my attention? Do it by1) Asking direct questions, stated in a kind manner and tone.2) Thinking clearly and using your own words for things. Don't fall back on idiomatic expressions or sayings that are popular in the culture.3) Making eye contact with me and having a sincere smile.4) Being honest about everything.
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Authentic_Guy is offline Authentic_Guy Post #35  October 6,2011, 11:55am
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As a man I can tell you that the words "I'm Just Curious" do NOT put me at ease. In my experience these words more often than not, carry a hidden agenda or are a red herring for some other question. I am also a bit cautious of "You're not seeing anyone else right now, are you?" as the author pointed out. I don't necessarily feel defensive but the question is a little too oblique for my taste. It does get at the basic information but its couched in a way that seems, well, defensive. Not a big defensive but there none the less.On a date with a new woman in my life I would MUCH rather that she simply say "Are you dating anyone right now?" or "Are you in a steady relationship right now?" or "Are you serious about anyone right now?". And I would prefer to not hear this question until date 2 or 3, although I would answer it on date 1 if asked.Do you want to generate attraction in me or get my attention? Do it by1) Asking direct questions, stated in a kind manner and tone.2) Thinking clearly and using your own words for things. Don't fall back on idiomatic expressions or sayings that are popular in the culture.3)  Making eye contact with me and  having a sincere smile.4) Being honest about everything.  
 
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vanknight is offline vanknight Post #36  October 7,2011, 5:28pm
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LDJ wrote :
Don't you guys get a bit tired of all these articles implying that the only way to get an honest answer out of you is to tread so gingerly on eggshells it borders trickery?

Tell me the truth........if asked by a girl whom you like but you don't love eternally something along the lines of "where is this relationship going?" What would you say? Would you tell her the truth or tell her what you think she wants to hear?


LDJ wrote :
Don't you guys get a bit tired of all these articles implying that the only way to get an honest answer out of you is to tread so gingerly on eggshells it borders trickery?

Tell me the truth........if asked by a girl whom you like but you don't love eternally something along the lines of "where is this relationship going?" What would you say? Would you tell her the truth or tell her what you think she wants to hear?



That depends on how she reacts and deals with being told the truth. If she reacts badly when I'm being honest, then I'm serving that chick up a hot plate of steamy lies smothered in BS gravy from that day on. I'll tell her exactly what she wants to hear and mean none of it.
 
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my_comb_needs_dentures is offline my_comb_needs_dentures Post #37  October 11,2011, 3:21pm
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Authentic_Guy wrote :
As a man I can tell you that the words "I'm Just Curious" do NOT put me at ease. In my experience these words more often than not, carry a hidden agenda or are a red herring for some other question. I am also a bit cautious of "You're not seeing anyone else right now, are you?" as the author pointed out. I don't necessarily feel defensive but the question is a little too oblique for my taste. It does get at the basic information but its couched in a way that seems, well, defensive. Not a big defensive but there none the less.On a date with a new woman in my life I would MUCH rather that she simply say "Are you dating anyone right now?" or "Are you in a steady relationship right now?" or "Are you serious about anyone right now?". And I would prefer to not hear this question until date 2 or 3, although I would answer it on date 1 if asked.Do you want to generate attraction in me or get my attention? Do it by1) Asking direct questions, stated in a kind manner and tone.2) Thinking clearly and using your own words for things. Don't fall back on idiomatic expressions or sayings that are popular in the culture.3) Making eye contact with me and having a sincere smile.4) Being honest about everything.
I agree.

When I hear "I'm just curious," I immediately hear manipulation. To the author's credit, the "I'm just curious" attitude is a good one. But only if you truly believe it. If you believe it, your voice will convey it no matter the question. Saying it sounds like you're either trying to convince yourself or your [date] that you're not hiding something.

To me, "I'm just curious" is short for "please believe that I'm not freaking out right now," "please don't hear the tone in my voice that clearly hopes for a specific answer for some reason or other," "I just insulted your intelligence to your face," etc.

Manipulation is a pet peeve of mine. If I sense it, I'm out. End of story. It's a habit, a mindset, a mode of operation. I don't manipulate people, and I don't like being manipulated.

I'm also not interested in changing anyone. I'm not your mama, you're a grown man, you decide who you are. If your decisions don't coincide with my interests or vice versa, what's the point in freaking out? We don't fit. We don't have to fit. It's been nice knowing you. Goodbye. Why is that so difficult?

I propose that it doesn't have to be difficult. Be a whole person, know who you are and what you want. Then, when you encounter people, questions, dilemmas, etc., you won't crumble with doubt. You can ask your date about the status of your relationship without sounding like you're giving them an ultimatum.
 
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