womanofdestiny is offline womanofdestiny Post #51  July 13,2008, 1:28pm
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dmc80809, wrote :

All of us here at the forum are looking to date, find romance and perhaps the right person to spend the rest of our lives with...it seems that we have all had a fair amount amount of serious relationship experience, but we are single now...is it because the people wehave been withwere close matches, but missing that one special, very importantquality...I was thinking today about what hasbeen missing for me in my previous relationships...


So, my question is: What quality or qualitiesare you looking for in a man/woman that you have not come across or found yet?
R-E-S-P-E-C-T ... I think that that is one of the most missed qualities in a relationship.


Also, Honesty, Honesty, HONESTY for sure. If there's no trust there can be no quality of relationsip.


Also, it would be so nice for someone to have their priorities straight. Like God first, then your mate, then everything else. In the past, I've been on the "back burner" with someone that I really cared about and it was not good and we didn't last. Yes, work hard, serve God hard but don't forget your other half or you may just have a half a life in the end.
 
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avonklk is offline avonklk Post #52  July 13,2008, 7:05pm
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general302002,165171 wrote :

dmc80809, wrote :


All of us here at the forum are looking to date, find romance and perhaps the right person to spend the rest of our lives with...it seems that we have all had a fair amount amount of serious relationship experience, but we are single now...is it because the people wehave been withwere close matches, but missing that one special, very importantquality...I was thinking today about what hasbeen missing for me in my previous relationships...


So, my question is: What quality or qualitiesare you looking for in a man/woman that you have not come across or found yet?


I agree that I don't think it is just one thing. FOr me I had a great realtionship, and then we got married and then she didn't want to be intimate anymore. It wasn't until she wanted to have children that she became interested, this was three years later. Still I liked being married, I liked many aspects of that. So much so that it took me14 more years to finally decide this wasn't working. There were other things as well it wasn't just one thing or even a dozen. But if there was one quality that I am looking for now it is genuiness. If I date someone who is one way some of the time and another way other times that is a red flag. I am really consistent in my demeanor and in how I deal with situations no matter what they are.Obviously for both people there needs to be an attraction, but after that is is about building the trust and respect for each other. Similar interests help, similar perspectives on life helps, but really it is more about giving completely. Seems like that is harder at forty than it was at twenty five.
Well that's one of the best questions and response I've seen yet. However, after the "building/developing" the TRUST AND RESPECT, once it is taken away and/or broken, it's one of the most difficult things to "trust" again. Giving completely, ahhhh yes! But "unconditionally" an ultimate combination. Then actually adding both parties being "genuine", that's like a dream come true. Does it really exist or any part of it?How can we tell anymore? It's like we shouldn't get married or married again until the relationship is well into being established with the trust and respect. I believe couples should almost live together fora year or two, orlive together indefinitely,it could save on the court battle, except in some states I believe "common law marriage" still exists in the courts. Hey, look at Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed, now how perfect is that? Take the money away, but have that same type of relationship, I wish!


I'm still single, it took me 2 years to even date again, our relationship developed and after 1 year, we did live together for almost 5 years. The 1st 2years were great, I had moved a long distance from where I lived for 25 years and thought this is great, this will work, but disappointed once again. I tried, really tried, everything but unfortunately he could not work it out as alcohol and smoking marijuana were more important. I even tried to encourage treatment and be there every step of the way, and still believe should he had gone,we would not have parted. Yes, you may say...well he had to have been like that earlier, but no he was not. If anyone had all 4 of those qualities (being genuine would just be a given with all 4), trust, respect, giving and all unconditionally (good and bad), boy you better latch onto that person and never let go and never, ever break the trust or respect, otherwise the giving, unconditionally or not won't matter.


So, is there anyone out there that TRULY believes they have all those qualities? Guys? Let's say you are the person that truly believes they have those qualities, how would explain and/or demonstrate to your date that you do? Second part of that question how can you tell and/or feel your date/partner has the same? Of course that all takes time, that's why I believe at some point of the relationship, people should live together. Then you really get to know that person in a completely different atmosphere and living situation. There are signs and signals that tell you, or I always say it's your "gut feeling", but being single again I thought this time would be the last time. Actually, it may be the last time! Anyway, those two questions arekind of a Catch 22 question and answer, it's a tough one.


Sure it's harder when we're older, 40's, 50's, 60's (which really isn't old), but in most cases no kids at home (not that we don't have kids and/or grandchildren, but they come and go), so think of the continued privacy, not to mention our experience! Then why is it that we still can't find it, get it right, see it, know it's "genuine" and you'll have a partner for life? Well, I guess that's a 3rd question. I'm not really sure even a professional psychologist, psychiatrist, or similar profession can answer them. That's when you wish a "crystal ball" would truly work!
 
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avonklk is offline avonklk Post #53  July 13,2008, 7:50pm
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Cerebral_Man,165765 wrote :

I want a woman with a really big pair of......





..... brain hemispheres. The problem with many intellectuals, though, is that romance is lost on them. And I'm a cureless romantic. It's a tough mix to find: logic and practicality coupled with an intense desire for a love that sets your soul on fire.


The single toughest thing to find in women, regardless of age, is self-confidence. Now that's a travesty.

Are you sure "travesty" is the word you really want to use with saying you are a "cureless romantic", and that a woman with self-confidence is the toughest thing to find? It's quite possible you are missing half your brain hemisphere! I would say the majority of women have plenty of self-confidence. Depending on our past experience with relationships we tend to be "cautious" and keep our guard up, so to speak, as we don't want to go through the same disappointment again. Self-confidence is not a "travesty", but quite possible something as an "intellectual" you cannot deal with as it may be your competition! And stating you would like a woman with a really big pair of brain hemispheres is an insult to us as women (basically saying we don't have a brain, that's typical), and if youbelieve you are an "intellectual", first you just made yourself sound really stupid, second you're right it would be a tough mix to find, as your comments were more degrading and insulting towards women, that love and romance I don't think will be in the picture for you!
 
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