pinz is offline pinz Post #31  July 10,2008, 11:10am
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is happy.

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Sorry, TWO special things: empathy & trust.
 
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lada is offline lada Post #32  July 10,2008, 11:12am

hello? hello? ios this fphone still working?

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proximity
 
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halifax is offline halifax Post #33  July 10,2008, 1:56pm
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Hello,


I am looking for respect, honor, reverence and love. I am looking for someone to share the "joy" of love and not get all entangled in the heavy, sad, lonely side of love. I am looking for someone that wants to live and speak from their heart. I am looking for someone that wants to play with me. I am looking for someone at the end of the day I can be with and escape from the "outside" world. I want someone that does not mind spending the whole day in bed every now and then. I am looking for a relationship where I can be complete uninhibited and not feel jugded. I safe, supportive and nurturing relationship.


There are not "specific" qualities I am looking for in an ideal life partner. I do not need to be married. It is just a feeling between us. Peace, contentment, passion, sensuality (physical, mental and emotional).


There is a great book..a lot of work...Meeting Your Match by Dr. Jackie Black. You can get it on Amazon. She helps you understand dating is an event not a relationship. She prepares you for whether or not you want to give out your phone number. She helps you identilfy your values and needs as well as your purpose and vision and why you are dating. In this book you will also learn how to let someone know you are just not interested and to not just stop calling or be afreid to tell the other person this is not going to work for you.


Don't know if this helps, but it is where I am and it has all been working very well.
 
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halifax is offline halifax Post #34  July 10,2008, 2:00pm
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earthgoddess,165808 wrote :

dmc80809, wrote :


All of us here at the forum are looking to date, find romance and perhaps the right person to spend the rest of our lives with...it seems that we have all had a fair amount amount of serious relationship experience, but we are single now...is it because the people wehave been withwere close matches, but missing that one special, very importantquality...I was thinking today about what hasbeen missing for me in my previous relationships...


So, my question is: What quality or qualitiesare you looking for in a man/woman that you have not come across or found yet?


I think what I haven't found is a willingness to be truly intimate. That letting someone past your barriers so they can touch your soul and vice versa. I've experienced it, but immediately after the man always seems to get spooked, close up and push me away. Ouch [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
Yes, yes, yes. Totally understand and have been here!!


But I keep doing it because it is who I am and what I want. If it is not what they want then better now then later to find out.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #35  July 10,2008, 5:10pm
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That's easy and a no-brainer for me; what's been lacking in ALL my previous relationships has been the man simplycaring about how I feel and whether I'm happy. They never seem to care about me as much as I do about them. It always seems to boil down to some form of selfishness on his part, but there's more I want that I've found lacking as well. That's just the #1 biggie.


I've also always wantedto find someone who is willing and able to communicate with me deeply, without being freaked out by it. I think knowing someone that well, inside and out, is a fundamental basic need, and most of us don't get it, even if we're in an otherwise 'happy' relationship. I think most relationships exist on a relatively shallow level, and most people never truly try to understand their partner on a deep psychological level so both people feel completely loved and accepted regardless of their faults.


My number three is the willingness and ability to calmly, rationally and reasonably talk out any differences in a respectful way when they come up. I can't stand drama and turmoil. That would also include, of course, the ability to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our own behavior and how it contributed to the 'problem'. Almost nothing bothers me more than dealing with someone who deals with conflict in a childish way. Be an adult, you know? There are proven techniques for successful conflict resolution where both parties win. More people need to learn them and use them. In case anyone's interested, check out Crucial Conversations - Google it if you want; it's a major breakthrough in conflict resolution.
 
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jackx54321 is offline jackx54321 Post #36  July 10,2008, 5:35pm
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ayekantspeylgud,165431 wrote :

JackX - I don't feel that ThatOneGirl's comments were looking for perfection at all. Maturity is a perfectly good thing to want and part of maturity is being self-aware and realizing what you want in life and how you would go about accomplishing it. Setting realistic goals for your life, and by "immaturity" she could've also been hinting at desperation. I have known people who almost seem to need to be shown every step - rather than going out and learning it themselves. To me, a mature person figures things out and doesn't live in their mistakes, and makes an earnest effort to constantly move forward. However, I agree with your comments in response to ShawneeMan.
I agree that continuous growth and progress are important. Along with persistence too. Life is a journey. Resourcefulness is important as well.


I think the rest of it comes down to one's personal frame of reference and experience. Self reliance is a matter of degrees.


--------I have known people who almost seem to need to be shown every step - rather than going out and learning it themselves.----------


What if they have tried and done as much as they can by themselves but still want to learn? People don't come ready made. Atwhat point does one decide it is better to show someone who is willing to learn and who wants to but can't do it all alone than to be all alone in life? Everyone settles and compromises to some degree or they spend life all alone trying. Maybe some are luckier than others. Maybe some make their own luck. I don't know.


My other grandmother tried twice. My grandfather on that side of the family was a sometime bartender and small time crook running local gambling rackets until the law got him and he went legit. By that time my grandmother had divorced him. But she waited until my father and uncle were nearly finished high school. So obviously there are some limits beyond which one can't go. My stepfather left his first wife because she cheated on him. She just didn't like him anymore. A little hard to understand. They had three boys together. But she always seemed a little irrational. So obviously there are acceptable circumstances for not staying together. But I still don't think things would be like they are these days if most people didn't give up way too easily.
 
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FuegoNegro is offline FuegoNegro Post #37  July 10,2008, 6:42pm
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earthgoddess,165808 wrote :

dmc80809, wrote :


All of us here at the forum are looking to date, find romance and perhaps the right person to spend the rest of our lives with...it seems that we have all had a fair amount amount of serious relationship experience, but we are single now...is it because the people we have been with were close matches, but missing that one special, very important quality...I was thinking today about what has been missing for me in my previous relationships...


So, my question is: What quality or qualities are you looking for in a man/woman that you have not come across or found yet?


I think what I haven't found is a willingness to be truly intimate. That letting someone past your barriers so they can touch your soul and vice versa. I've experienced it, but immediately after the man always seems to get spooked, close up and push me away. Ouch [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
Good point earthgoddess. The problem with removing the barriers and letting someone deep inside is when they crush your heart. It hurts at a numbing level and we don't want to experience that level of emotional pain again. The delimma is that we can't get really close to another person unless we remove the barriers and expose our soul.


What I now know is that all the closeness and emotional itimacy that I experienced recently was worth the pain and my healing is now complete. Will I do it again and open up my heart? You bet! Will I get hurt again? Maybe, but I think it is worth the risk to reach that deep emotional and intelectual intimacy with someone.


Life is good, very good!
 
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Verity27 is offline Verity27 Post #38  July 11,2008, 5:14am
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corky44,165247 wrote :

HarryG,155638 wrote :


That's easy! Someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them. If I ever find a woman who thinks that I'm special (AND doesn't live 1000-3000 miles from me) then I would have very little to ask.


Actually, I'd take someone who is as crazy about me as I am about them even if they lived 1000 miles away. If I found that, I'd do whatever I could to work out the distance problem...[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-kiss.gif[/img]
Damn right Corky! If someone was that special things are worth working out. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]
 
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honey28 is offline honey28 Post #39  July 11,2008, 7:32am

me....visiting friends in MA...summer 2008!

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Hmmm....


#1:A man that doesn't view me as his 'hobby' or his 'latest project'. As one person stated on a earlier post,"a man (or woman)with a healthy social life and a hobby is a blessed thing". I agree! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-cool.gif[/img]


#2: Being able to put up with me and all of my imperfections! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img]
 
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CatMagnet is offline CatMagnet Post #40  July 11,2008, 9:35am
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Cerebral_Man,165765 wrote :

I want a woman with a really big pair of......





..... brain hemispheres. The problem with many intellectuals, though, is that romance is lost on them. And I'm a cureless romantic. It's a tough mix to find: logic and practicality coupled with an intense desire for a love that sets your soul on fire.


The single toughest thing to find in women, regardless of age, is self-confidence. Now that's a travesty.

I wholehearedly agree. I am also a hopeless romantic when it comes to dating and relationships, but also grew up in a highly academic environment, so naturally, I have also developed into an intellectual. I find that the intellectuals that I am attracted to end up needing a bit of coaching as to how to be romantic in a relationship. Finding a good balance has been difficult in my experience.


I also agree as far as the self-confidence issue. However, keep in mind that society and the media of late has been bombarding women with messages that we need to be perfect at everything and wear a size 2 dress size. I am far from perfect, but I do the best I can every day, and if that's not good enough for someone else, TOUGH NOOGIES! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]
 
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