"Why Your Date's Initial Opinion Doesn't Matter"


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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #1  September 9,2011, 12:25pm
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This is my attempt to foment a rebellion against all the goofy articles designed to sell a product or subscription through making the reader feel less-than good-enough.

Why Your Date's Initial Opinion Really Doesn't Matter | Psychology Today

So, don't try so hard - just get someone to go out with you and let them convince themselves it was a good choice.
Last edited by lunabeach; September 9,2011 at 12:36pm. Reason: oops on the title
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #2  September 9,2011, 12:43pm
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Ummmmm doesn't he kind of leave out how exactly to accomplish all this persuasive goodness we're supposed to perform on people? I suspect that's supposed to leave us wanting more information -- from him -- about how to get all these people to say yes to dates in the first place.

I don't get the same thing the writer gets out of the study. Seems to me it just shows there's more to be gained than we think out of being set up on blind dates. So do agree to meet that lady you know from church's nice son and your boss's racketball friend. Having agreed to the date, you might convince yourself he or she is great. And happily ever after.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #3  September 9,2011, 12:54pm
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Yeah, it's Psychology Today - they use lots of words to impart little info. But I like the absence of Stepford-like advice. He has an article about "giving cookies" that's pretty amusing as well.

And I agree it can go both ways. Like going to a work party even though it will probably be totally lame and having a good time once you get there and get over yourself, agreeing to go out with someone who doesn't initially enthuse us can be better than expected.

(I found all this looking for information on how to convince your partner to consider polyamory - not b/c it's my thing but b/c someone sent me this: http://www.gq.com/news-politics/mens...exciting-again and said the Tilda Swinson part sounded like something I would do and I think I can do better)
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #4  September 9,2011, 1:01pm
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What I got out of the article is just not to worry about "making" him like you. He'll either like you (because you're there), or he won't (because of some other random choice factors). And there really isn't much you can do one way or the other to "persuade" him to like you, or to pursue you, or whatever.
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #5  September 9,2011, 1:10pm
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I thought the article was interesting, although unsurprising if you've read any behavioral stuff. People rationalize choices all the time, and are subject to a variety of biases when doing so.

I'm not sure the catchy headline really fits the data, though. Sure, someone will like you more and be more attracted to you AFTER agreeing to go out with you, but that doesn't mean it's a material difference.

If there is one practical application, however, it would be that making/planning a 2nd date before the end of the first would probably significantly affect the % of 2nd dates.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #6  September 9,2011, 2:50pm
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lunabeach wrote :
...(I found all this looking for information on how to convince your partner to consider polyamory - not b/c it's my thing but b/c someone sent me this: How to Make a Long Relationship Exciting Again: Men's Lives: GQ and said the Tilda Swinson part sounded like something I would do and I think I can do better)
lol! Now that's a nice piece of satire. I especially like the last two bullet points. Almost as much as I like the four comments at the end calling it terrible advice. Heehee.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 10,2011, 7:00am
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Really what Dr. Nicholson is saying is that it is more important to create that instant fireworks
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #8  September 10,2011, 7:55am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Really what Dr. Nicholson is saying is that it is more important to create that instant fireworks
He tells you how too. Just get her to say yes a few times on the date. Skew your questions.

He sounds like a used car salesman, but it's more likely to work when the person isn't expecting you to be manipulative, so perhaps almost anyone can make that happen on a first date.
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #9  September 10,2011, 9:30am
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harnomygirl wrote :
He tells you how too. Just get her to say yes a few times on the date. Skew your questions.
It's a fascinating article. We should discuss it over dinner sometime.

Just practicing my techinique

Otherwise, there's always mind control.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  September 10,2011, 9:41am
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I have noticed this rationalizing backward effect. If you like someone and want to proceed you look for reasons to justify the choice. If you don't really like someone and don't want to proceed, you look for reasons to justify that choice.

Yet both people might be equally intelligent and fun and whatever.

I kind of see this as a way to make our choices "rational" and/or abdicate responsibility for rejecting or accepting someone. Ie, we're doing this because of X Y and Z.

Not just because this is what we arbitrarily want.
 
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