Am I expecting too much???


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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #1  September 4,2011, 5:58am
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Discouraged.....

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So glad the boards are back!! Looking for some advice. Recently reconnected with an old boyfriend. We met for dinner last week, it was great and then he was leaving for vacation/business trip for 10 days. We made plans to see each other when he returned, exchanged a few texts while he was "gone". Last night I got a text asking if I wanted to go out tonight, said due to business situation he didn't leave town. I was surprised and disappointed that he hadn't let me know earlier, as I had spent this past week thinking he was gone. We talked by phone later and have plans for tonight, but I definitely am feeling less excited to see him.

I did turn down dates with another guy, as wanted to figure out what was going on with ex. If I had realized the ex boyfriend was in town and not interested in seeing me on the weekend, definitely would have gone out with other guy. So am feeling confused and thinking the fact ex did not share he stayed in town is not a good sign or is it just me? Or because he is an ex are my expectations not realistic at this point. Maybe I am just getting ahead of myself and need to keep seeing others? Thoughts please
Last edited by itsabeatutifulday; September 4,2011 at 6:20am.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  September 4,2011, 6:21am
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my thoughts are an ex is an ex for a reason, and usually a good one and i would never ever cancel a date for a reason like that. ever.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  September 4,2011, 6:23am
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You shouldn't have turned down a date with the other guy..

wrote :
but I definitely am feeling less excited to see him
me thinks you're starting to remember why he's your ex....

wrote :
So am feeling confused and thinking the fact ex did not share he stayed in town is not a good sign or is it just me
IMO it's not..

Ex's to me are like long lost cousins, they don't get first priority...
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #4  September 4,2011, 6:45am
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Sounds to me like he's playing games. I'd cancel the date and move on w/ my life. Like others have said, there's a reason he's your ex.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  September 4,2011, 6:49am
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Sounds like he might be keeping his options open and so should you.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  September 4,2011, 6:53am
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It's a very bad sign that he told you he was out of town. Walk away.
 
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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #7  September 4,2011, 8:03am
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Discouraged.....

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Alli824 wrote :
Sounds like he might be keeping his options open and so should you.
Thanks, you probably are right, tho he said he wasn't seeing anyone when we had dinner. But his actions definitely say something different.
Last edited by itsabeatutifulday; September 4,2011 at 8:34am.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #8  September 4,2011, 9:03am
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Sounds like you were remembering the good times with him. Keep your options open with everyone including him.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #9  September 4,2011, 9:04am
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I honestly don't understand why people feel the need to rekindle old flames? Obviously, there is a reason why your ex became an ex to you, so take that as a cue to move forward.

As for the reasons why your ex did not immediately tell about his business trip cancellation, why would you assume it involves another woman? Maybe the guy has other things going on and did not feel like telling you right away.

Lastly, how are you going to get mad at the ex for whatever when you turned down a date with a new guy in order to go back and date an ex. Did you tell the new guy that you are dating an ex boyfriend? Hmm...lol Seems to me that you weren't totally honest yourself.

So, I think you are not being fair about things. You are jumping to conclusions about the ex and expecting him to be totally upfront, but you don't want to do the same to the new guy.

B.Y.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #10  September 4,2011, 9:35am
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itsabeatutifulday wrote :
Recently reconnected with an old boyfriend.
Why? Did you forget why you are ex's? If you need to, spend some time writing down why it didn't work out.

wrote :
I did turn down dates with another guy
If you're not exclusive, you can give your favorite "priority scheduling", but you should keep checking out others you like and should expect others to do exactly the same.

wrote :
Last night I got a text asking if I wanted to go out tonight, said due to business situation he didn't leave town. I was surprised and disappointed that he hadn't let me know earlier
Not telling you the trip was cancelled indicates he had a higher priority for the unexpected time off, and that he may not want to tell you what it is. I would also wonder whether there ever was a real business trip since I've gone on dozens and never had one be cancelled at the last minute--that's actually a rare occurence for many businesses.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; September 4,2011 at 9:39am.
 
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