Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #1  September 2,2011, 4:07pm
Sparkles56's Avatar

Contemplation must bring forth right action to permit further growth.

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Ohio

Posts: 1,679

See profile

So in this thread,

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...or-dating.html (How become comfortable around women for dating)

both Niqht and I are sharing how we want to ask out women in similar circumstances; namely, they are cashiers at stores we frequent. We both have done the asking. I'll let you read that thread if you want to know how Niqht's adventure ended up.

So tonight I asked out the cashier at Whole Foods that I've been discussing in that thread. I usually see her once or twice a week, and we usually have a friendly, light conversation each time. Over time the conversations have become more involved.

So tonight in the store as I was downing glass after glass of wine, I was overthinking things.

Oh, wait. I should mention that each glass was a 1 1/2 ounce "tasting" pour. And, after I had picked all of my groceries I told myself to stop thinking, and I did. I happened to see that she didn't have any customers, so I stopped at her register.

The conversation meandered from her lamenting that she didn't have any plans (except to work) over the long holiday, to me reading a friend's dissertation, to her talking about a friend getting a master's in geology, to something or other. But I was only half paying attention, and half thinking, "Dude, you are NOT going to wimp out here, are you?" So as she was handing me the receipt I asked,

"Would you like to join me for a glass of wine later?"

"Uhhhhhhh.... I don't think I can."

...and I smiled as I said, "OK" and left.

I think I caught her off guard, and there was another cashier standing close to us (who I ignored, as I was still in "don't think" mode). So it could have meant "not tonight" or "not ever". I'm not going to over-think it either way... maybe I'll see her again, maybe not.

So is there a "right" (or more effective) way to ask out a cashier, or someone who is paid to be nice, if you're too ethical to stalk her and wait until she leaves?

PS - Helen - I didn't throw any eggs this time.
 
  Reply With Quote
shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  September 2,2011, 4:13pm
shapeShifter7…'s Avatar

likes dancing!

Board Leader: Health & Wellness

Joined: Apr 2011

CA

Posts: 2,499

See profile

wrote :
"Would you like to join me for a glass of wine later?"

"Uhhhhhhh.... I don't think I can."

...and I smiled as I said, "OK" and left.
Ouch! Sorry, Sparkles, it happens to the best of us.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  September 2,2011, 4:22pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,680

See profile

Personally, I would first ascertain the person is single.

By finding this out, I force the real question to have a real answer.

If they are not single, I will not try to meet (and if they try to meet despite being not single, that's a deal-breaker.)

If they are single, and I try to meet, their decline is a refusal of me - it can no longer be an excuse (to string me along) by saying they are "involved at the moment, but if I should be free ..."

So, having established they are single, the next question is a qualifier: "What do you think of this '97 Frogtop Pinot?"

Any answer other than stupid and the next question (already planned) is to propose a venue: "I hear Frogtop Winery is having the Tour to End All Tours a fortnight from this very evening; have you considered who you should attend the Tour to End All Tours with?"

This is where you have a choice. Path one is to immediately continue, by asking her; path two is letting her step up and participate. (I take the latter, as it's a screen for compatibility for me, but the former will more securely get dates.)
 
  Reply With Quote
tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #4  September 2,2011, 4:35pm
tjlpd's Avatar

loves a flirt

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 1,151

See profile

What is it with men and waitress and cashiers? Honestly if she said no you need to respect it and not ask her again. Her job is to be friendly.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  September 2,2011, 4:42pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,680

See profile

tjlpd wrote :
What is it with men and waitress and cashiers? Honestly if she said no you need to respect it and not ask her again. Her job is to be friendly.

Being friendly is a reasonable employee selection criteria, but conveying dishonest romantic interest is not.

Both sides to such an interaction need to understand that.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  September 2,2011, 4:46pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

She was at work. She "couldn't" say yes even if she wanted to.

From her response, the kind of awkward, shocked look I could imagine was on her face, however, tells me that she most likely is not interested or in a relationship or both.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #7  September 2,2011, 4:56pm
Sparkles56's Avatar

Contemplation must bring forth right action to permit further growth.

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Ohio

Posts: 1,679

See profile

tjlpd wrote :
What is it with men and waitress and cashiers? Honestly if she said no you need to respect it and not ask her again. Her job is to be friendly.
Right. Perhaps I should have clarified in the OP, I don't intend to ask her out again. But I'm not going to avoid her line either - even though I won't always select it.

Having said that, I don't assume that waitresses and cashiers are off-limits, either.
 
  Reply With Quote
dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #8  September 2,2011, 7:12pm
dreamspiral's Avatar

dating is as easy as rocket surgery

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 170

See profile

Sparkles56 wrote :
Right. Perhaps I should have clarified in the OP, I don't intend to ask her out again. But I'm not going to avoid her line either - even though I won't always select it.

Having said that, I don't assume that waitresses and cashiers are off-limits, either.
i didn't get the memo that asking a cashier or waitress out was off limits. i guess the dating nazis will be after me too.
 
  Reply With Quote
sr71blackbird is offline sr71blackbird Post #9  September 2,2011, 8:54pm
sr71blackbird's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2011

Florida

Posts: 211

See profile

AndieIsMe wrote :
She was at work. She "couldn't" say yes even if she wanted to.

From her response, the kind of awkward, shocked look I could imagine was on her face, however, tells me that she most likely is not interested or in a relationship or both.
Your response is contradictory. The first portion of the post says that she couldn't say yes if she wanted. to. The second half says that she wasn't interested, based largely on data that wasn't available.

If she was interested, I'm sure she would feel ackward to be ask out at work, and surrounded by co-workers and who knows who else. She may have also been unsure of what she was allowed to do in this unusal context at work.

If she wasn't it interested, she would have to figure out a diplomatic way of saying no. Especially considering she wasn't prepared to answer that.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  September 2,2011, 9:40pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

My post isn't contradictory. The first part addresses her work. A place where she is on someone else's dime. Where also work place rules may apply in situations like that. It did not address her state of mind, relationship status or whether she would be interested in him. That was the second part of the post.

The two are NOT to be confused or considered together. Whether she wants to say yes has nothing to do with the rules of her work.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Feel like a phony. | Dating | He's a Virgin »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do men really like full figured women? DIVINE_DESIGNS7 About You 437 January 15,2012 3:28pm
Do a lot of 30-something women care too much about material possesions or is this a strange occurance? Midnight2032 Dating 154 January 23,2011 6:11pm
Dateless?? Women can handle this much better than men! Ladyjuju Dating 103 January 17,2011 8:37am
Old Fashioned Romance & Courtship Just_A_Thought Love in Color 78 May 31,2009 6:54pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:42am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0