Do men have any dating advice for less attractive women?

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!

If there is one thing you might gather from all the opinions, I hope that is is along the like that WE ARE NOT CLONES!

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However, I am tall, skinny, no curves and have a man-ish face so there are limits on what a makeover can do.

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No pockmarks, acne scars etc.

Yeah; God forbid that a woman have a scar from a disease she is unlucky enough to have presently or to have recovered from decades ago (whether acne or chicken pox or whatever). How awful of her. How could any man possibly find a woman with flaws like that attractive? There really ought to be a way to screen them out. (What if the scar is from an accident? Are those scars okay?)
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I went to counseling but all the counselor suggested was having one-night stands or dating men who were already married, but that was depressing. It would provide some short term sex, but doesn't lead to a LTR. And, I cannot imagine messing with someone's marriage/home/family that way.

Wow! First things first, find a new counselor!


It is very hard to try to find a relationship when men are almost universally not attracted to me.

I think if you work on yourself and become happier with who you are, you'll have a better chance. It sounds like this has practically become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

Does anyone have other suggestions? I would especially appreciate advice from the men on what would make them consider a less attractive woman.

It sounds like confidence is what really attracts you to women.
Not really, per se. Confidence in the fact that they accept / embrace who they are. One of the characteristics which attracted me to "M" was how she was so aware and at ease with many of her shortcomings... willing to discuss them freely... that was attractive... confidence to embrace lack of confidence.

L and M are both incredibly intelligent, hard working lovers of life and eager to discover.... very large part of my definition of beauty. .
It's nice that L and M had already found a persona that made them feel secure and confident before they met you,
Um, actually no... "secure" is a relative term... "we do not solve our problems, we grow out of them" All of us have some growing to do, the difference is in how we embrace it or hide it.

but the ones who were still growing probably learned a little more about themselves while dating you and trying out new things.
Those who are not learning and growing with every interaction are either too conceited or burying their head in the sand of self pity.

I'm sure that whatever changes they were comfortable enough with to adopt as their own have made them feel great enough to attract new men afterwards. Not everyone is there yet.

I think you misread the opinions from some members.

Um, no... everyone seems to have their own opinion of what should be done to attract men (and most can be right).. the key is attracting the man who is right for the OP, and because the only person who knows the OP / "who" / what she is looking for is the OP. Attracting guys should not be the goal, attracting the right guy should. Attracting someone who is attracted to the OP for who she really is (not how she is getting herself made up to look like) is what the goal should be.

MY point is that all GUYs are not clones... "we" do not all like the same things (as several guys have pointed out). If "YOU" do not personally know the OP, "YOU" have no business saying what she should do to attract a man (who will work well with her). No doubt, dressing sexy will attract SOME guys (maybe even many). Great if she wants a trophy wife.

1st. You try to tell OP to "be herself." I think it's a bad idea at this stage.

We all have our beautiful side and ugly side, as well as positive parts of personality and negative parts. So does OP. What she could do now is to discover her beautiful side and her positive self so that she could focus on them. Also, she could try to accept her not so beautiful side and negative self so that she would feel less guilty/negative about herself or even joke about them sometimes. After that, your suggestion is good.

Once again (as has been pointed out by several males), "beautiful" is SUBJECTIVE... getting the hair done, buying some expensive / "sexy" dresses, etc makes her body subjectively more attractive to many (not in my opinion). Who wants someone who's main attraction is physical?

However, at this moment, OP is not there yet. She has so many negative views of herself in her mind. Trying to be herself at this stage with such mindset may not be a good idea. She has to find her beautiful and positive parts first. Discovering her other parts and focusing on them is not being a clone. It's how people improve themselves to be a better person. The positive self is part of her personality, just need to be wake up.

2nd. Don't overlook the importance of outfits.

If you put a guy in his pajama and then in his business suit, his gesture and body language will change. And he may not even realize it. It is how our body works. When it comes to ladies, we all knew that their clothes play a very important role in daily life.

As important of a point AS THEY CHOOSE THEM to. Sorry, is definition of materialistic to me.

At second look, we may find many people on the street are decent people and realize their inner beauty. The question is: Without the first look, where does the second look come from? Inner beauty is important, but it doesn't mean outer beauty is not.

PS: Come on, my friend. Relax. Why do you get so emotional and have such strong reaction. Take it easy. You don't have to be in an attacking mood. We are not in a hockey game. I know you are trying to help and worrying that OP may get lost in the journey of discovering her better self. Your worry is reasonable. But it is a journey she has to take.

don't go back to that screwy therapist who wants you to become a barfly!

I am a woman in her early 40s.
Before a date, I usually get my hair and makeup done professionally. However, I am tall, skinny, no curves and have a man-ish face so there are limits on what a makeover can do.
I went to counseling but all the counselor suggested was having one-night stands or dating men who were already married, but that was depressing