oknowplz is offline oknowplz Post #1  September 1,2011, 9:05pm
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I have a lot of things going on in my life and am not the type to lie about them, hide them, or mislead someone just to get what I want.

I know both men and women do this (men who pretend to be Mr. Perfect then turn out to be obsessed psychos a la the movie Fear with Mark Whelberg...or women that have a laundry list of issues then lean on a guy for emotional support without improving on said issues whatsoever) but that doesn't mean it's right.

The good news I suppose...a lot of my issues wouldn't surprise someone as I look nerdy (not nerdy in the skinny, bad wardrobe, huge glasses way...but nerdy in the "not socially adjusted way.")

Since this is completely anonymous, I'm going to list in detail the issues that I face, and want to know if I belong dating short term, long term, or even sleeping with a woman that isn't a clean get away one night stand.

- I have Aspergers syndrome. I'm more socially intelligent and aware than the average person especially my age with the syndrome...know a lot about "the social game"...but just not good at it. I'm not terribly awkward, but awkward enough for it to be noticed. Think Niles from Frasier only different looking.

- I suffer from chemical depression regardless of the Aspergers. My mood can shift from a 6 out of 10 to a 0 out of 10 out of nowhere. (Not bi polar because my moods are never abnormally high or even high at all, just "ok.") I'm easily upset...for example I had a doctor's appointment and the secretary was rude to me and it totally ruined my day and mood.

- I don't drive.

- I can get suicidal when my mood is at a 0. Not to the point where I'd hurt myself, but where life, and everything about it, becomes totally meaningless and I just want to go to bed and not wake up.

- I likely will never hold any kind of job ever in my life.

My positives are that I am seeing a therapist, am on meds for the depression, am functional around the house (I belong to a gym and am in pretty good shape, read a lot, am not a complete homebody etc.)

I'm just wondering if going on an online date especially with all of this out in the open (if it were to get to a second date) is fair to the girl?

Please no people with agendas against Aspergers or depression...the Aspergers isn't that severe...I'm very outgoing and highly functioning, not Rain Man...and more often than not my mood is ok. I just worry that I will be dating/sleeping with someone and my mood will get to that "0" level...and that wouldn't be fair to her.
 
 
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  September 2,2011, 9:24am
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Is this thread any different than your other one?
 
 
ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  September 2,2011, 9:34am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Is this thread any different than your other one?
He could have a multiple personality disorder too and not realize it
 
 
ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #4  September 2,2011, 9:40am
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In all seriousness.....

I have as ethers too...mine is mild form. If someone wasn't inexpert in it they wouldn't see it. I don't come off in the obvious stereotypical fashion.

A big factor is how bad is it with you. If severe cases some are very antisocial and just can't handle normal social interaction.


The two red flags I see are...

First, your depression. This is separate from the as effete and should be treatable. One of the symptoms in as IRS can be a vocal outburst but not physically violent or suicidL.

Second is you unable to hold a job....why....why can't you hold a job? The one thing with many aspies is that they are usually able to hold full time employment in science and technical fields.

Also why don't you drive???
 
 
shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  September 2,2011, 9:46am
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wrote :
I have a lot of things going on in my life and am not the type to lie about them, hide them
If that were totally true, you wouldn't ask how much to reveal.

wrote :
I'm just wondering if going on an online date especially with all of this out in the open (if it were to get to a second date) is fair to the girl?
I repeat--

>>>
Is it fair to date with extreme depression? Yes, with conditions. This is similar to, is it fair to sell a car that breaks down every other week--sure, as long as you inform the buyer! If your dates pass up on some other guy to spend a Saturday with you when extreme depression would be for them (as with most) a deal-breaker, you are not being considerate or fair to them.

One of my matches e-mailed me yesterday that she was unemployed. When a match names their faults early, they show respect, and I'm more likely to accept them. A tip--she didn't say "Woe as me, I'm unemployed, will you still date me?", she instead said "I was laid off just recently and that's given me aloooot of time to do x, y, and z that I've always wanted to do, but I've begun looking and my first interview's tomorrow!"
>>>

When you conceal a potential deal-breaker, you also squander your own time, money, and dating opportunities.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; September 2,2011 at 9:53am.
 
 
shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  September 2,2011, 10:14am
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wrote :
I suffer from chemical depression
PS - Is that how your doctor diagnosed it--"chemical depression"? As if certain everything was caused by a chemical imbalance alone?

(I've known depressed people who used that term as an excuse to shift away from any personal responsibility for their actions, and one of the first steps towards a normal life was realizing that they exercised at least some control over both their actions and their mood. I don't know if that describes you, but especially if the label was self-imposed as opposed to doctor-imposed, it's worth considering. While a chemical imbalance often exists in a depressed person, it's often isn't the initial cause behind the depression nor will merely addressing the chemical solve everything. The therapy you mentioned undergoing is very much a good idea.)
Last edited by shapeShifter79; September 2,2011 at 10:33am.
 
 
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  September 2,2011, 10:47am
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It looks like this thread was sitting in moderation when the other one was posted. It is basically the same so I will close it for now. If anyone would like to move their posts to the other thread feel free.
 
 
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