Dating Outside Your Social Class...Continued...


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questioning is offline questioning Post #21  September 2,2011, 12:29pm
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I have done it quite a bit. I was the one with the professional job and graduate education. The men were high school dropouts with no job skills and with bad upbringing on the importance of personal hygiene.

My thought process is that social class and money are not always good indicators of potential to be a loving partner.

In my experience, it never worked out at all. The men only wanted a meal ticket and were unstable on many levels, which doesn't make for a strong relationship.

To the OP, if you find someone with good character and a good work ethic, then the differences might not matter so much. I wouldn't get so wrapped up in how others will perceive your partner's social class. Focus on whether this person meets your needs. (For instance, you need to consider whether you need someone who will stress the importance of preparation for higher education when raising children.)
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #22  September 2,2011, 1:38pm
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LoveSong wrote :
Many people did not really know what I was referring to in the previous thread.. they said they didn't know what social class even means. I got a broad range of responses. Mostly people referred it to conversational topics and interests.

I'm a female so this issue applies to dating a male. I am not currently dating someone like this (yet). If I was in the relationship, I would not be asking. The question is "is it a good idea to even get involved with someone like that?" I tried my hardest to write it so people would understand...Not quite sure why you don't.
It's bad to get involved with someone you have this many reservations about. Just don't. If you really wanted him as he is, these issues wouldn't be this important. Don't date him.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #23  September 2,2011, 2:34pm
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tangochef wrote :
Well, that is what pre-nuptial agreements are for.

This is a common assumption, but there is not really much value to one.

For an older person, whose accumulative phase is largely behind them, and the unusual person with noteworthy inheritance, there is some value.

For a young person, yet to accumulate assets, a prenuptial agreement is of little to no value, as that which is accumulated during the marriage will be divided without regard for the reality of disproportunate contribution.
 
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broadsword is offline broadsword Post #24  September 2,2011, 9:31pm
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My experience has led me to believe that men are much less likely to be in this kind of 'unbalanced' relationship long term, especially if she has the higher income, education, or socio-economic upbringing. Thrice I have dated outside my socio-economic class and never could quite bridge the gap of my partner's unease with being "one down" in the relationship. One man that I had a 2 year live-in relationship with asked me when my 'little social experiment" would be over. Ouch. The truth was, the disparity in our upbringing undermined HIS belief in his "worthiness"- not mine.

The next guy I fell for - brilliant, funny, and a tradesman- flat out told me I was "out of his league." We had great chemistry, great conversations and shared interests, but ultimately, he did not feel comfortable, or equal.

I think it is very common for men to need to feel that they are ( pick one: 1.stronger 2.smarter
3.or make more money than their female partners. Depending on how insecure he is, he may need all three to feel comfortable in the relationship.

I will continue to search for that illusive creature who is both intelligent, witty and good with his hands, but the bottom line is, you cannot love someone who feels unworthy of you- no matter how much you try- they simply will NOT take it in. So the first time a man says "You are too good for me"- believe him. Sooner or later, he will feel compelled to prove it.
 
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