rocker21 is offline rocker21 Post #1  September 1,2011, 1:15pm
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if you were communicating with someone on a dating site other than eharmony where you have to message each other to start communicating and the main focus of your messages were that you went to college in the same town where they grew up. After the last message pertaining to that subject matter is answered, they then go ahead and ask you "so did you go away to college and if so where?" So, you respond again like an idiot and two days later, they send you a message apologizing....realizing that they already asked you that....not acknowledging that not only did they already ask you that question, but the main focus of the last two messages back and forth were soley based on that town where you went to school and where they grew up.

This is a girl I'm communicating with on okcupid. I'm really not even overly interested in her. It's really a matter of principle. I'm curious though (as I'm coming across this a lot on the site and came across this on match.com) how others would react. Would you continue communicating or just call it quits? I understand you're communicating with other people. However, if you can't remember main details of OUR conversations....well, I feel it's pointless to go any further. Not to mention that she's taking over two days to respond to each message and logging into the site every day. This is one of the issues with sites like OKcupid. People either don't respond or are extremely flaky and distant in their responses as result of the fact that they are probably being flooded with messages from other guys.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  September 1,2011, 1:34pm
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if i didnt have anything else to talk to this person about or wasnt interested otherwise i would let it drop and move on to other people.

i had someone do that to me while i was actually dating them... they thought i had interest X and said something about it.. it was totally off the wall and was something that i would never ever be interested in. at first i crinkled my nose and said "huh?" and he looked all embarrassed and then i just smiled this huge smile and said "no, not me. that must be one of your other girlfriends" *wink wink*

so i guess it depends on how much you like the person whether or not its really going to matter, especially in the early stages of communicating.
 
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LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #3  September 1,2011, 1:36pm
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I had a girl do that twice about the same topic where it felt like I kept having to kinda repeat it. Her flaky responses earned her a trip to the closed bin. I was interested at first, but that told me she probably wasn't interested at all or was just having fun.

And all of the emails had a bunch of unnecessary exclamation points... like this!!!!! !!!!!
 
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rocker21 is offline rocker21 Post #4  September 1,2011, 1:53pm
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Nanette wrote :
if i didnt have anything else to talk to this person about or wasnt interested otherwise i would let it drop and move on to other people.

i had someone do that to me while i was actually dating them... they thought i had interest X and said something about it.. it was totally off the wall and was something that i would never ever be interested in. at first i crinkled my nose and said "huh?" and he looked all embarrassed and then i just smiled this huge smile and said "no, not me. that must be one of your other girlfriends" *wink wink*

so i guess it depends on how much you like the person whether or not its really going to matter, especially in the early stages of communicating.

Well, I can really care less if I continue communicating with her. It's just that in her last response, she asked me a ton of different questions. So, I didn't want to be a jerk and not respond. I don't think I'm going to respond though. It's pretty clear that she's not paying any attention to what I'm writing. She initiated communication with me in the first place. I joined the site a week ago and I'm a week away from deleting my profile as it is the biggest waste time granted that it's free. It seems everyone puts out these long, deep, intelligent, quirky profiles with a bunch of pictures. Yet, underneath it, nobody really gives a damn about actually communicating. Here's why...

I've sent out 13 emails and have gotten two responses thus far. One is a bisexual girl (no thanks) and the other is a 35 year old who stop talking to me after her initial response. However, I have gotten 15 "four out of five ratings" from people in four days (no joke) on the website which means people like my profile, but just won't communicate as I send them messages after they rate me and they don't respond. I've even gotten a message from okcupid congratulaing me that girls "really dig" my profile and that my profile has been approved because of all the high ratings I'm getting. That's all great, but I don't really care about that stuff. I joined to meet people to date and instead it's a "who has the coolest profile" site. Boy does this remind me of when myspace was at its peak.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  September 1,2011, 1:53pm
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i hate that !!!!!!!!!

!!
Last edited by Nanette; September 1,2011 at 1:54pm. Reason: for cornfield dude
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  September 1,2011, 1:55pm
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I am trying to figure out why you would be communicating with someone that you are not interested in, in the first place
 
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rocker21 is offline rocker21 Post #7  September 1,2011, 2:03pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I am trying to figure out why you would be communicating with someone that you are not interested in, in the first place

Well, she's really hot heh. However, we don't have much in common based on our profiles which is why I can really take it or leave it. Like I said, she messaged me first and we started talking soley based on the town where she grew up and I went to school.

I'm looking for something serious. If I wanted a quick fling, I go to a bar. I've met and gotten phone numbers of five girls in the past month and a half at bars alone. I'm very confident and I have no problem with that. However, it's the TYPE of girls you meet there. I have some health problems which have prohibited me from drinking which means I'm looking to stray AWAY from the bar scene. I've realized that I'm looking for something more nichey and more particular when I choose my criteria. I don't feel I can date just anybody. Therefore, I'm involved with meet up groups now and on eharmony as well as okcupid and I find that the girls on okcupid (not all) are either looking for casual dating or quick sex which isn't necessarily a terrible thing...just not what I'm looking for at this stage.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  September 1,2011, 3:09pm
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I'm not sure how OKCupid's communication system works. Do they show you all the previous messages on the same page where you respond or do you have to go to another page to do that?

Just wondering because if it is one where you have to go to a different page she might not have "remembered" what the conversation was specifically. Plus, this would be more difficult if she were communicating with other guys and had to sort through everything in her mind rather than having the contents of your conversations right there in front of her.

Considering you don't really see her as LTR material I would drop this one. Especially if you are truly seeking a LTR. You're just wasting her time and yours.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #9  September 1,2011, 3:36pm
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I once closed someone who sent me an email which was something like "so tell me about yourself?". I thought her line of questioning was lazy and asked her what did she wish to know? and I got a stupid reply so I clicked 'close'.
 
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rocker21 is offline rocker21 Post #10  September 1,2011, 3:41pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I'm not sure how OKCupid's communication system works. Do they show you all the previous messages on the same page where you respond or do you have to go to another page to do that?

Just wondering because if it is one where you have to go to a different page she might not have "remembered" what the conversation was specifically. Plus, this would be more difficult if she were communicating with other guys and had to sort through everything in her mind rather than having the contents of your conversations right there in front of her.

Considering you don't really see her as LTR material I would drop this one. Especially if you are truly seeking a LTR. You're just wasting her time and yours.

All of the messages are laid out on the same page which makes it very convenient and is actually one of the few positive features I can vouch for on the site.
 
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