BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  August 29,2011, 2:24pm
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I have noticed that people will discuss their displeasure with dealing with people who only want to "hook up". So, I would like to know the REAL reasons why people may prefer this type of interaction as opposed to going through the motions of courtship and monogamy?

I am seeking the REAL issues, ladies and gents, which is beyond just having coitus. Those who dare to share, please do so here.

B.Y.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #2  August 29,2011, 2:43pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
I have noticed that people will discuss their displeasure with dealing with people who only want to "hook up". So, I would like to know the REAL reasons why people may prefer this type of interaction as opposed to going through the motions of courtship and monogamy?

I am seeking the REAL issues, ladies and gents, which is beyond just having coitus. Those who dare to share, please do so here.

B.Y.
Fun, excitement, thrill of the new, acceptance at face value, best behavior, matching lingerie etc, intense unsustainable levels of attention, lack of accountability, whirlwind "romance," minimal emotional risk, no fighting, no boredom, no duty.

But mostly, it's that you don't have to decide. You can have all the cake you want. And any kind you want and no one can tell you not to. For certain people, there's absolutely no reason to do it any differently. They don't belong in relationships and it's better for all of us that they don't even try to for the time being.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  August 29,2011, 2:45pm
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I think (relating to this situation) there are 2 types of people.

a)those that are just looking for sex at this moment in their lives.


e.g. who is for example just out of a marriage and wanting to have 'fun' and not jump straight into anything serious.

and

b)those that will appear to be just looking for sex but in fact they see some people on dating sites as suitable for relationships and others as only suitable for sex.

e.g. they see someone who is a smoker or who lives too far away etc and they decide this person is good enough for a bit of fun but not relationship material - those get offered the 'hook up' or whatever you want to call it. they may view other profiles where the person doesn't smoke and is local etc and approach those with a view to a relationship.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  August 29,2011, 4:05pm
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HelenDanger wrote :
Fun, excitement, thrill of the new, acceptance at face value, best behavior, matching lingerie etc, intense unsustainable levels of attention, lack of accountability, whirlwind "romance," minimal emotional risk, no fighting, no boredom, no duty.

But mostly, it's that you don't have to decide. You can have all the cake you want. And any kind you want and no one can tell you not to. For certain people, there's absolutely no reason to do it any differently. They don't belong in relationships and it's better for all of us that they don't even try to for the time being.

See, I think that with correct partner selection I will find all that I want, and nothing I don't, in one person.

All it requires is a bit of patience, to pass by the unsuitable; and intelligence, to screen appropriately.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  August 29,2011, 4:19pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
I have noticed that people will discuss their displeasure with dealing with people who only want to "hook up". So, I would like to know the REAL reasons why people may prefer this type of interaction as opposed to going through the motions of courtship and monogamy?

I am seeking the REAL issues, ladies and gents, which is beyond just having coitus. Those who dare to share, please do so here.

B.Y.
patti stanger did an "intervention" of sorts with a guy that was kinda like this. he treated women very superficially and seemed interested only in flings.

what she did was tell him to reveal something serious and personal about himself on his date about his inability to commit. he did that (it was that he was very hurt by a woman he loved deeply, and it jaded him on serious relationships... so it was a defense mechanism) and said that it changed his perspective a little on relationships.

other than that i couldnt tell ya.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #6  August 29,2011, 4:57pm
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The women want a fee ride...if it became a relationship then she is expected to pay her part....if she keeps it as courtship she gets the freebies....
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #7  August 29,2011, 5:02pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
The women want a fee ride...if it became a relationship then she is expected to pay her part....if she keeps it as courtship she gets the freebies....
Yes, that's it. All she wants from a man is the freebies. She's not disappointed at all that he has nothing of more substance to offer.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #8  August 29,2011, 9:03pm
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I am looking for that one super cool gal that will rock my world for the rest of my life. Until then, I will enjoy every semi-cool girl I come across.

Honestly, I'm a bit baffled and a little sympathetic toward people who are on a marriage hunt. This is just my opinion, obviously, but I think they have various issues related to co-dependence, lack of self esteem, loneliness, etc. that they think marriage will cure.

I don't know, I'm not expert. What I do know is that I won't waste countless weeks, months, or years trying to work on something that will mostly likely end. So I'll enjoy her while the good times roll. When they stop rolling, I'll keep the rolling going myself. Eventually The Coolest Girl on Earth will come along and rock my socks off. If she doesn't, oh well. I've had my kids and experienced love. I won't settle down for anything less.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  August 30,2011, 4:19am
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BabyYoda wrote :
I have noticed that people will discuss their displeasure with dealing with people who only want to "hook up".
I would argue that most people - men and women - don't find "hook ups" unpleasant at all (those who choose to participate in them). The displeasure comes from being lied to and led to believe that a situation is one thing when it is, in fact, something completely different ...or when one person wants to turn it into something completely different.

I believe most people understand and are in agreement that two consenting adults can (and should be able to) do whatever they choose to do with each other. The problem is with the 'consenting' portion of that statement. Are you truly consenting when your decision to consent is based off of inaccurate or incomplete information?

Legally, if you in control of your mental capacity at the time of consent, then you are responsible for your decision ...but ethically and morally?

BabyYoda wrote :
So, I would like to know the REAL reasons why people may prefer this type of interaction as opposed to going through the motions of courtship and monogamy?
What world do you live in? ...because mine is chock-full of selfish people who, honestly, can't see time/space beyond the nose on their face and who are *only* after the next big instant gratification.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #10  August 30,2011, 5:32am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
The displeasure comes from being lied to and led to believe that a situation is one thing when it is, in fact, something completely different ...or when one person wants to turn it into something completely different.
This was going to be my angle on answering, as well. I see nothing wrong with wanting hook ups or people who do - but don't tell me you're looking for long term when you're looking for short term and don't tell me you're looking for short term then try and pull all kinds of relationship-y stuff on me.

I understand that people aren't always honest with themselves; I can see where some people are just saying what they think they mean. But I reserve the right to be P.O'ed because it's deception whether they intend it or not.
 
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