If you meet and find her unattractive but she doesnt contact you again, is that "poofing"? Do you care?

No, I don't.

And if they are unsure, they should say that.

I just live in a simple world where I can make a simple decision, without a week of mental paralysis, and see it through.

And, in the unlikely event they did "change their mind," they should have the basic civility to inform a person who is expecting them to do what they said they would do.

I for one do not much want to deal with people who I can not take at their word.

you still dont think that people actually change their minds and have to call them a liar?

all it is is that they changed their mind and didnt inform you.

thats just so weird to me that you think that once someone says something like that its written in stone, and any variation from that is a lie.

No, I don't.

And if they are unsure, they should say that.

I just live in a simple world where I can make a simple decision, without a week of mental paralysis, and see it through.

And, in the unlikely event they did "change their mind," they should have the basic civility to inform a person who is expecting them to do what they said they would do.

I for one do not much want to deal with people who I can not take at their word.

dl, sorry, but i suspect that if you asked someone for a second date and they said something like "mmmm i dont know, let me think on that" you would interpret that as a "no". am i right or am i right?

you want an instantaneous absolute, and sometimes women cant offer that. maybe they dont want to put you off, but they dont want to say no because they arent sure.

i guess you weed out the women that cant make snap decisions about things, but i just cant wrap my brain around the idea of actually calling them a liar.

maybe they could "see it through" and go out with you again, but you might interpret that as being led on also.

its just a no-win with guys that think that way. it encourages women who arent certain to say a flat out no. i'm all for that... i dont believe in dating to see if theres chemistry... its either there or its not. period. but i know not all women are like me.

I don't see anyone asking for an instantaneous absolute, but a "maybe" warrants a follow up, anything else is "written in stone" as far as I'm concerned. You say yes, I take you at your word, assuming there is no reason not to. If you cannot say "no" if that's what you're really feeling then there's more to deal with than someone random thinking you're a liar and a "poofer".

the point is that many people take a "maybe" as a "no". i'm pretty sure i've read enough of dls posts to be fairly certain that he wouldnt react very positively to a "maybe", consider that person minimally if at all invested, and then further consider that person not worth additional effort. i'm confident that if i got that wrong and he sees fit, he'll correct me.

i think that addresses everything you said about saying "maybe" other than the fact that there are guys out there that would take a "maybe" as being "led on" if that maybe turns into a "no".

saying you might be interested but arent sure is ridiculous. the only other alternatives are yes and no. so what do you do. you say yes and then decide you dont want to and then youre a liar.

If you answered maybe and changed your mind to a no then let the person know you changed your mind. A "thanks but not thanks" email in that situation is the right way to go.

I'm not personally speaking about any one persons take on a "maybe". I am speaking generally. "Maybe" implies either a yes or a no. It does not state one way or the other. IMO, it is rude to say maybe and then poof.

It is rude to say "yes" and then poof.

Changing your mind doesn't necessarily make someone a liar, everyone has that right, but if someone agrees to something and doesn't follow through their trustworthiness has become suspect. Though in this situation it hardly matters since you won't be seeing them again, anyway. If you change your mind, simply share it with the one(s) it would apply to.

I personally can't help how people take "maybes", if they see it as being led on that is on them, not me. I can only communicate as honestly and forthright as possible, I can not make someone else take it as such.

I agree with you that this topic is fascinating and many people see it many different ways. I'm certain there is no one way to behave that everyone will agree on, but I do believe in consideration and I give what I expect (and vice versa), to me, that is the only stick I need to measure my actions towards others. If I would feel slighted by it then I will not slight another with it.

I don't see anyone asking for an instantaneous absolute, but a "maybe" warrants a follow up

I find maybes and other indefinite or evasive answers to typically be a waste of time to follow up on. My normal reaction to a maybe is something along the lines of "Ok, let me know when you make up your mind. I'll be around." ...and I do not initiate any more contact.

I find maybes and other indefinite or evasive answers to typically be a waste of time to follow up on. My normal reaction to a maybe is something along the lines of "Ok, let me know when you make up your mind. I'll be around." ...and I do not initiate any more contact.