So, what about guys that don't acknowledge your "thanks but no thanks" email?


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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #1  August 25,2011, 7:01am
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Is that poofing?

I mean seriously how far do you take the "manners" argument?

It just seems ridiculous to me that someone would actually sweat such a thing.

There have been times with people that I havent met where I decide that I am just not attracted to them or dont want to meet them for some reason after exchanging more photos or a couple of emails and I message them to tell them so... and then just never heard from them again. Honestly my thoughts about it were that I was glad they didnt freak out!
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #2  August 25,2011, 7:16am
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I guess my question would be, what kind of response would you want?

The best you could hope for is a "thanks for letting me know. Have a nice life."

The worst you could expect is an insulting, expletive-laden series of e-mails.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  August 25,2011, 7:20am
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Well, I'm asking because of the discussion over "manners" and then that iirc eharmony used to allow a final response when people closed you. people actually used that and most often would send "good luck with your search"

i personally dont care either way, but it seems like some people do....
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #4  August 25,2011, 7:58am
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Nanette wrote :
Is that poofing?

I mean seriously how far do you take the "manners" argument?

It just seems ridiculous to me that someone would actually sweat such a thing.

There have been times with people that I havent met where I decide that I am just not attracted to them or dont want to meet them for some reason after exchanging more photos or a couple of emails and I message them to tell them so... and then just never heard from them again. Honestly my thoughts about it were that I was glad they didnt freak out!
I usually respond with "thanks for letting me know and good luck." Seems polite to let them know their message was received. But, at some point someone has to send the last email so you can't keep letting each other know their message was received.

I don't see a problem with either way really.


Nanette wrote :
Well, I'm asking because of the discussion over "manners" and then that iirc eharmony used to allow a final response when people closed you. people actually used that and most often would send "good luck with your search"

i personally dont care either way, but it seems like some people do....
What was the point of "good luck with your search" anyway? Was it some veiled "I'm making it possible for you to re-open me if you change your mind at some point, but, I don't want to seem like some loser begging you to give me a shot"??? I could understand the final message if it wasn't tied to making it possible to re-open, then it's just a goodbye.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 25,2011, 10:17am
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Why is this question gender specific?

Women do this too.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 25,2011, 10:20am
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No it is not poofing. When you have said "no thanks" then you have end communication.

A "thanks for letting me know, best of luck in your search" may be polite but is not required.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #7  August 25,2011, 10:27am
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I can't think of any reason why anyone (gender is irrelevant here) would respond to a "thanks but no thanks" email. Not only is it unnecessary, it's borderline harassment to message somebody on a dating site after they've told you they're not interested. You just ignore them and move on to someone who is interested.

"Poofing" as I understand it, is when two people are clearly showing interest in each other, and one stops communicating without explanation. When somebody says they're not interested, however, it's over before it even began.
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cp0x29a is offline cp0x29a Post #8  August 25,2011, 10:30am
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Based on the fact that it seems most women online choose to just completely ignore guys they're not interested in, making the guys wonder what's going on until enough time has passed that it's clear what happened, I'd probably respond in shock that a woman actually exhibited at least a minimal amount of courtesy to spend the ten seconds required to say 'not interested'.

But other than that, I don't see there being a need to respond to a 'not interested'.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #9  August 25,2011, 10:39am
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If I received such a message---which is exceedingly rare---I would reply with, "Thanks for letting me know, good luck in your search."

In the rarer occassions when I have sent the, "Sorry, I'm not interested in meeting ..." e-mail, I have occassionally received a reply.

It was almost always something like, "Well, at least you answered at all ... good luck."

Once it was actually something like: "It's because of my photos, isn't it? Well I just started working out, and then I'll find someone who'll love me for who I am!"

If I don't get any answer to a "sorry, not interested" e-mail, I probably really wouldn't think about it either way.

I don't think there's an obligation to respond, at that point, though a polite response isn't harmful, either.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  August 25,2011, 2:23pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
A "thanks for letting me know, best of luck in your search" may be polite but is not required.
well required vs. rude (or i guess impolite) is the overall question, and the answer is probably subjective.... just like the whole idea of poofing. when is it poofing? i'm sure there are numerous definitions. lets all email a letter about our specific standards.
 
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