When should I ask her to Skpe with me ?


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Joadams is offline Joadams Post #1  August 25,2011, 12:58am
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I have been talking to this girl for a while she is lovely , she is cute , she is smart , and she is a 500 miles away. I really like her and think that Skping would be a good way to take to the next level. When should I ask her to do this.

Also anyone have anything tips .
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  August 25,2011, 3:24am
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  August 25,2011, 3:28am
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With a long distance match I would think that suggesting using Skype would be appropriate in the same time frame that you would be suggesting a first date if the match was local. For me that would be about a week or so after getting to OC.

You didn't ask but I would suggest trying to arrange a meeting as soon as possible even with a match that is long distance.
 
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ChainMan is offline ChainMan Post #4  August 25,2011, 5:23am
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Joadams wrote :
I have been talking to this girl for a while she is lovely , she is cute , she is smart , and she is a 500 miles away. I really like her and think that Skping would be a good way to take to the next level. When should I ask her to do this.

Also anyone have anything tips .
Skyping is a poor first impression compared with meeting in-person. You don't know her computer power and/or connection. You could come off really badly with flickering and picture-speech delays. First impressions are important. Is she worth meeting in person?

500 miles is nothin'. You've got this weekend. Take the train or bus, if you don't want to spend the night in a hotel. You wrote that she is cute and smart, and that means she's got dozens of potential LOCAL matches who can make a coffee date with her instantaneously.

You've got to show her that you're going to bridge the distance. Meeting you in-person makes you real to her. She can feel your hug, smell your cologne, and you can flirt with her in ways not possible online. You get to smell her perfume and feel her touch too. That's worth the 500 mile trip. She is going to be more psyched about meeting you in-person than an offer to Skype. If she is "the one," you want to know in your heart that you had the guts and were adventurous to meet her in-person.

Meeting in person also makes the relationship real. You don't want to be her internet boyfriend. Otherwise, you're eventually going to get an e-mail that says "I really enjoyed getting to know you.... I've decided on a relationship with someone else.... Best wishes to you...." That would hurt.

Skyping is for after you've met a couple of times and know each other well. Seize the day and go meet her in person!
Last edited by ChainMan; August 25,2011 at 10:46am.
 
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Joadams is offline Joadams Post #5  August 25,2011, 12:08pm
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Thank you for your advice and you are right it hurts when you get that e-mail . I just wish my new job did just start, or I could go. I hope she hangs in there until I get some free time .
 
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LoveComes1st is offline LoveComes1st Post #6  August 25,2011, 3:06pm
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I've used Skype or Google Vchat quite a bit with long distance matches. We've usually done this pretty early on.

As for tips after we've talked a couple of times some men have walked their laptop around their place to show me things and one even showed me his freezer to prove he lived off frozen food and couldn't cook (he was being funny). So you can make it fun and lighthearted.

If you regularly skype there are activities you can use from the internet such as word games or dating type questions or reading fairly tales. And sometimes we used the internet to look up things we were talking about.

Good luck with this! 500 miles is not for the faint of heart. But do try to meet in person as soon as you both can or it will get tedious trying to keep a connection until you can meet.

Don't be surprised if you find yourselves talking about important topics that normally come up later in local dating situations. I've found this often happens to make sure there are no big showstoppers or dealbreakers given the investment of time and money required for an ldr. One example would be make sure that you're both looking for the same type of relationship and confirm that one of you can relocate down the road. No need to start something which can't be finished?
Last edited by LoveComes1st; August 25,2011 at 3:07pm. Reason: edited.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #7  August 26,2011, 1:50pm
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When doesn't matter as much as how.

I think your best bet is to frame it in a completely friendly way and not make it be about checking out her appearance at all. Don't even tell her you want to see her pretty smile. Instead tell her you want to see her cat or gerbil or the new jacket she's been telling you about.

Most women are correctly suspicious of the motives of even the nicest guy who wants to video chat. Because she never knows which guy is going to start badgering her to put on a show--or, good grief, start putting on one of his own.

To be clear, I'm not questioning your motives at all. It's just that certain other guys have given video chat something of a bad name. Make sure she knows that is the farthest thing from your mind.

It's probably easiest to bring it up when IMing with her. Figure out something in your house, or if you're using your phone, something you're doing that you'd like to show her live. Then be willing to go on camera first all on your own. The more innocent the reason and the more casually you present it, the better.
 
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