Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #11  August 24,2011, 10:37pm
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Big wedding? Yes, ask her.

Small wedding? No. That would be an intimate occasion where you are a special guest ... kind of a lot of pressure for a maybe-new-gf!

Did you RSVP with 2 or 1 people attending? Your hosts might not like having an unexpected guest.

Why do you hate weddings?
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #12  August 24,2011, 11:11pm
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Was she invited? Or did your invitation say "Gabriel and guest"? Some weddings get quite expensive, and at $70 a plate the bride and groom might not have been thinking of paying for you and a guest. If the invitation doesn't mention a guest you can't just add one on there.

But that was weeks ago, and I presume you RSVP'd weeks ago. Did you RSVP for one? Or two? If you only RSVP'd for one there is a chance you'll show up and only you will be assigned to a table. (And if the bride and groom were on their toes, and they thought you were single, you'd be assigned a table with other singles...) Nothing would be more awkward than showing up and it being apparent there is no room for your date.

And given how little notice you'd be giving your date, I'm thinking letting this one go would be a better idea.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #13  August 25,2011, 3:39am
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I am agreeing with the girls that this is short notice, but for a different reason than "she won't have a dress".

The way I would interpret asking someone to go to a wedding on short notice is that they are not your first choice. While you may get tickets to a concert at the last minute, you have known about this wedding for weeks or months.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #14  August 25,2011, 4:21pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The way I would interpret asking someone to go to a wedding on short notice is that they are not your first choice. While you may get tickets to a concert at the last minute, you have known about this wedding for weeks or months.

The counterpoint to this premise is that the girlfriend is fairly recent, and not exclusive, so some degree of "wait and see" on how the relationship is developing makes sense.

It is also possible the OP did not finalize the plan well in advance (uncertain of having to work, for instance ... repairing the paintroller man, one hopes.)
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #15  August 25,2011, 4:33pm
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The only issue I see here is as others have stated the 'short notice.' This would imply I am a second or third choice. On the other hand, I have bailed many a friend out who needed a date for a wedding. I can pretty much talk to anyone and if the band or D.J is good then time passes quickly. I've been viewed as the date, and no one has any expectations beyond that.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #16  August 25,2011, 4:44pm
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Weddings are expensive and complicated. If your friends are only expecting you, then you suddenly bringing someone extra would be kind of rude and a headache for them in terms of seating, in terms of caterers being informed and accommodating an extra guest and billing your hosts for that (which can come with surcharges for last minute changes btw), etc. Your friends may have already had to limit and cull their guest list to accommodate their budget. In short, not a nice thing to pull on your friends.

As for her having short notice to get ready....really depends on the woman whether or not she has appropriate attire conveniently in her closet or not. Unless she frequently attends more formal affairs, she is unlikely to have anything or it may simply be too dated to wear. A plain classic cut tux may not go out of style, but dresses can. So yeah, could be major short notice headache for her as well.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #17  August 25,2011, 5:08pm
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Poor timing and wedding etiquette aside... I think the "wedding date" is a great idea early in a relationship... A wedding (whether the bride/groom is someone you know or someone your date knows) is a fantastic way to dress up for each other (lookin' your best always makes a great impression), enjoy some good food, fun music, and a generally happy/party atmosphere! It's an excellent way to introduce your date to family/friends without submerging them. Most weddings/receptions move quickly and people shift from person to person and table to table. This gives people time to meet your date (or you) without giving them hours of unfettered access! [No time for the “question/answer” period.] Also, since you’re only a few months into your relationship, it’s too soon to discuss marriage, so you’re both free to enjoy the romantic feeling of the occasion!
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VolGal is offline VolGal Post #18  August 25,2011, 6:44pm
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My initial thought when I read the OP was "no, don't ask her". Then I read the thoughtful posts.

At my wedding decades ago, we had 120 RSVP and only 90 show. There was booze galore! Everyone had a blast. Event planners expect last minute additions to the schedule. Although etiquette would suggest notice, throw caution to the wind! I bet your friends would LOVE to meet her and would feel special in that their event (the wedding) was used to introduce your special friend to your "posse" as it is.

Enjoy and I want to see you post the results of the wedding - whether you invited her or not - here.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #19  August 26,2011, 4:34am
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D_Lion wrote :
The counterpoint to this premise is that the girlfriend is fairly recent, and not exclusive, so some degree of "wait and see" on how the relationship is developing makes sense.
For those of us who read the OP we know that in this case he has been dating the girl in question for a "couple of months".

It is also possible the OP did not finalize the plan well in advance (uncertain of having to work, for instance ... repairing the paint roller man, one hopes.)
When an event requires that you RSVP, you usually have to state your plans well in advance. Most weddings I have been too require an RSVP.
Above.
 
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