First time talking on the phone


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slam_109 is offline slam_109 Post #1  August 24,2011, 3:12pm
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Hi,

I am a very shy person, and I'm even worse when talking on the phone.

I asked a girl on eharmony out on a date via email, and she has agreed. She gave me her phone number and insisted that I call her to fix up the time and place. I am really bad at talking on the phone. Can anyone please tell me how should I start the conversation ? Right from the time she says "Hello".

Should I say "Hey, this is xyz from eharmony." ?

And then what Should I say next ?

I need the first few sentences that I can say to her, before finally jumping on fixing up a date/time.

I guess I am looking for some examples of small talk that I can do.

Thanks..!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  August 24,2011, 3:42pm
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Here are some suggestions:

It is really good to hear your voice.
How are you?
Did you do anything interesting today?

It really is not necessary to engage in a lot of small talk when setting up the date. After you have exchanged greetings, just say something like "I want to confirm that we are meeting at (place) on (day) at (time).

When she agrees, just say you are looking forward to meeting her. If she is chatty, just let her chat. If not, don't worry about it. Save your conversation for the date.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  August 24,2011, 3:46pm
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slam_109 wrote :
Hi,

I am a very shy person, and I'm even worse when talking on the phone.

I asked a girl on eharmony out on a date via email, and she has agreed. She gave me her phone number and insisted that I call her to fix up the time and place. I am really bad at talking on the phone. Can anyone please tell me how should I start the conversation ? Right from the time she says "Hello".

Should I say "Hey, this is xyz from eharmony." ?

And then what Should I say next ?

I need the first few sentences that I can say to her, before finally jumping on fixing up a date/time.

I guess I am looking for some examples of small talk that I can do.

Thanks..!
Don't say hey...
say hello or "hi, this is "slam"..same etiquette rules as any other phone call, you identify yourself and then ask for the person you're calling.
Tell her it's nice to finally hear her voice and then go from there...talk about anything..it would be the same as her being in front of you.
I wouldn't get too nervous about this as she may end up carrying the conversation.
Most of all..don't get long winded. No need for an hour long conversation, either.
Last edited by TheThinker; August 24,2011 at 3:48pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  August 24,2011, 3:53pm
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If you wish, you could try just arranging a meeting and not bother calling at all.

If you call, I would not "chat" or make "small talk." The purpose of a dating site is to meet; if she wants a "chat buddy," she should call her mother.

If I called, and she answered (which is rare), I would simply state "It's [my name]; how are you?"

I'd let her answer. If she asked me the same, I'd reply (it's not fair of me not to.)

Then, I'd move to a specific proposal for meeting.

In most cases, I suggest a place, and then propose a time. (The tone of my voice makes the place a statement, and the time a question.)

I prefer to have a defined plan prior to calling (though I am open to counter-proposals, it rarely happens.)

If the venue calls for it, it might be useful to ask what your date is wearing (busy places can be hard to find your partner), or simply state how to spot you.

In my view, it's best to get off the phone quickly.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #5  August 24,2011, 3:53pm
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One other thing is make note of her interests from her profile.

Then, if you need to fill a silence gap ask her about one of her interests.

For example, let's say she said she likes art.

"I noticed you like art, do you like the old masters like Rubens or Rembrandt, or are you drawn to impressionists like Degas or Mary Cassatt?".

And, then based on her answer steer the conversation accordingly, but let her do most of the talking.
 
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sr71blackbird is offline sr71blackbird Post #6  August 24,2011, 5:23pm
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TheThinker wrote :
I wouldn't get too nervous about this as she may end up carrying the conversation.
Most of all..don't get long winded. No need for an hour long conversation, either.
I mainly follow the same steps as DL, except I usually talk a little bit longer (~20 minutes.)

In my last "first" phone call, I couldn't think of a next conversation topic after the exchange of pleasantries. She was clearly very outgoing, whereas I am more reserved. She bailed me out by asking me to tell a story I referenced in one of our emails. Got the conversation really rolling and I'm grateful to her that she "bailed" me out. We talked for about 15 minutes before having a great meeting that weekend.

Generally, I'll talk until I feel we've reached sort of a natural pause, then pitch my first date idea. That has ranged from 15 minutes to as long as 40 minutes.

Most of the people do make you leave a message, so have something sort of rehearsed. (I hate leaving messaged-grrr.) "Hello, I'm xxx from Eharmony. I look for to talking with you. Please give me a call back at (phone number)." I always repeat the phone number twice to make sure they get my number correct.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 25,2011, 3:21am
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I have very little use for the telephone. I do all the planning for a first date via e-mail. I do provide my cell phone number prior to meeting in case there is a last minute problem and I expect my match to provide her phone number for the same reason.

When pressed to talk on the phone prior to meeting I tell my match that I am not much for talking on the phone but that in person I can more than carry my side of the conversation.

I am also superstitious about talking on the phone before the first date.
 
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ChainMan is offline ChainMan Post #8  August 25,2011, 4:56am
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Just say what comes naturally.
Last edited by ChainMan; August 26,2011 at 5:55am.
 
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slam_109 is offline slam_109 Post #9  August 25,2011, 7:16am
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Thanks a lot everyone ! I called her up last night and it went great !! She was really very friendly. We ended up talking for more than 20 mins. She wanted to chat more, but I eventually ended the call. You guys are great.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  August 25,2011, 2:32pm
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Glad it went well!

Did you ask her out? If not, I'd do that next time you talk.
 
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