Decisions, decisions...


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lookingforlove123 is offline lookingforlove123 Post #1  August 23,2011, 6:11pm
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I'm just looking for some feedback here and any viewpoints would be greatly appreciated!

I am currently living in a fairly small, rural town and have been for the past 5 years or so. The next closest city is about 4 hours away. Generally I love it here, but the dating scene does not seem to be the greatest and it is hard to find dates who have similar interests, values, etc. I remain hopeful because my friends here have recently started to meet their "significant others" so I know the men are out there- it is just a matter of finding them. I feel like I have been doing all the right things, but it has been a pretty sad dating life.

I have been given the opportunity to move closer to a major city, which happens to be closer to family,friends, and most of my eH matches seem to be in the area. THAT being said, none of these matches have contacted me (so not sure if it is a lack of match thing- or a distance thing- it is currently about 8hours away).

My major reason for wanting to move is to have a bigger dating pool- and yet I'm hesitant to sacrifice the things I love about where I live now (lifestyle, job, friends) when in a new location I still might not find "the one". A bigger dating pool doesn't necessarily mean success, you know what I mean? I'm struggling with the whole "whereever you go- there you are" concept.

Oh- can I also add that my ex is planning on moving to the same area so this may be influencing my decision a bit too... When I imagine him not being there the idea of moving seems scarier.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  August 23,2011, 6:43pm
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If you move to this other job...how close will you be to this other city? In the metro area or still two hrs away?

A lot of people set there matches for larger distances but in reality they are really targeting other major metro areas.

It would be nice if Eharmony allowed you to select major metro areas to do matches instead of states.

For example you may be in a specialized field that you kno in the cities of St Louis, San Francisco, and Austin you can find a job in your field easily while cities like Kansas City, LA, or Dallas you cant find the jobs in your specialty so you arent open to move there.

For me I am for the most part restricted to major metro cities but I really cant move to the samll towns.


What you can do with your profile is change your geogrphic location to closer to this other city and see if you can meet communicate with someone and if you find this person then you could move there. Maybe they will be willing to move to where you are.

I would advise against moving someplace just so you can find someone.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #3  August 23,2011, 6:51pm
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I would move if the job was something you really wanted and being closer to family was important. I would take relationship potential out of the equation in evaluating the opportunity since neither location has any guarantee of success.

There are pros and cons to both sides and you'll have to decide which are more important.
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #4  August 23,2011, 7:04pm
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I'm confused, is her ex being there giving her reservations or encouraging her to move there?
 
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FrankTheGreat is offline FrankTheGreat Post #5  August 23,2011, 7:14pm
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You would move eight hours away to get a better dating pool? That seems like a bit much.
 
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FrankTheGreat is offline FrankTheGreat Post #6  August 23,2011, 7:16pm
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Put it this way: If I go out on a date with a woman and she tells me she moved to have more success at dating, I'm going to feel to much pressure to make her experience a positive one.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  August 23,2011, 7:28pm
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If you are in a position to move and the bonus is a bigger dating pool I say go for it. There are times that the surroundings are just not conducive to finding 'the one.' If it feels right go for it. I think if we feel good about ourselves we attract the right people into our lives.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  August 23,2011, 7:34pm
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I would only move if the move was something I wanted otherwise (career, area, whatever).
 
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Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #9  August 23,2011, 10:47pm
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This seems to have a lot of conflicting issues here.
I'm going to try to get a clear overview of all your presented concerns L4L, but bear with me, there seems to be a few...

lookingforlove123 wrote :
I'm just looking for some feedback here and any viewpoints would be greatly appreciated!

I am currently living in a fairly small, rural town and have been for the past 5 years or so. The next closest city is about 4 hours away. Generally I love it here, but the dating scene does not seem to be the greatest and it is hard to find dates who have similar interests, values, etc. I remain hopeful because my friends here have recently started to meet their "significant others" so I know the men are out there- it is just a matter of finding them. I feel like I have been doing all the right things, but it has been a pretty sad dating life.

I have been given the opportunity to move closer to a major city, which happens to be closer to family,friends, and most of my eH matches seem to be in the area. THAT being said, none of these matches have contacted me (so not sure if it is a lack of match thing- or a distance thing- it is currently about 8hours away).
There's been a dry dating pool, goodness knows, it happens to the best of us. You've lived happily in your current area for 5 years but you now have a job opportunity in a larger city that is closer to your family and friends, correct? That can never be bad, however, you seem more focused on the fact that more "eh matches seem to be in that area", yet none have contacted you? I do understand that finding a special someone is a priority, but why does it seem living closer to the people you know and love seem like an afterthought? I'll get back to that.

lookingforlove123 wrote :
My major reason for wanting to move is to have a bigger dating pool- and yet I'm hesitant to sacrifice the things I love about where I live now (lifestyle, job, friends) when in a new location I still might not find "the one". A bigger dating pool doesn't necessarily mean success, you know what I mean? I'm struggling with the whole "whereever you go- there you are" concept.
Fewer "concepts" are more true, if you can't be happy where you are, you likely won't be happy anywhere else. I'm a firm believer in internal happiness. You can't count on or depend on anything outside of yourself for your own personal happiness. This is one of those places that choice is a beautiful thing. You may not "find the one", you may never "find the one", but if you make that your only goal or the end all to who you are or your happiness, then you'll always be unsatisfied.

All of those personal proclamations aside, this statement set me back the most:

lookingforlove123 wrote :
Oh- can I also add that my ex is planning on moving to the same area so this may be influencing my decision a bit too... When I imagine him not being there the idea of moving seems scarier.
THIS is all you need to know that you are NOT doing anything for you, for your own self-fulfilled happiness, you are not only counting on someone else to create your happiness, you are planning on back-ups in case this doesn't pan out. Forgive my candor, but I think you should really evaluate (and as honestly as you possibly can with yourself) why you are choosing this route.
I wish you the best of luck!
Last edited by Angelkrista; August 23,2011 at 10:49pm.
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #10  August 23,2011, 10:53pm
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If sharing your life with someone is a priority, move. I faced this and while i loved my little beach town, there was no way i was going to meet enough men to have real choice there.

I went back to the big city, dated, met the one and the rest is history.i
 
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