Monetary responsiblities when dating...


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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #21  August 17,2011, 1:00pm
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Oh I don't make a big deal out of paying at all and it's not uncommon for me to "treat" more often than not, that's just the kind of guy I am, so if it has come off any other way then I apologize. However, my wallet doesn't have an endless supply of money (I should note that the 5 or so dates occurred in a period of ~2 weeks) - if there's any expectation on her part to maintain that sort of dating style then I don't find it unreasonable to want to trade off paying for dates on occasion otherwise the amount of together time/dates is simply just going to have to decrease for the sake of being fiscally responsible.

p.s. I don't even look at the bill on the date, when I'm paying I just put the card in the envelope thing and pay for it...
Last edited by jme21; August 17,2011 at 1:03pm.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #22  August 17,2011, 1:07pm
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jme21 wrote :
Oh I don't make a big deal out of paying at all and it's not uncommon for me to "treat" more often than not, that's just the kind of guy I am, so if it has come off any other way then I apologize. However, my wallet doesn't have an endless supply of money (I should note that the 5 or so dates occurred in a period of ~2 weeks) - if there's any expectation on her part to maintain that sort of dating style then I don't find it unreasonable to want to trade off paying for dates on occasion otherwise the amount of together time/dates is simply just going to have to decrease for the sake of being fiscally responsible.

p.s. I don't even look at the bill on the date, when I'm paying I just put the card in the envelope thing and pay for it...
you know, what about doing things that cost next to nothing? idk where you live, but what about the beach, a park, the lake. she can bring wine, you can lay out a blanket and sit and talk. rent a paddle boat and splash each other... i mean, you can do stuff where you dont have to be pulling out your wallet every 5 minutes.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #23  August 17,2011, 1:14pm
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jme21 wrote :
Oh I don't make a big deal out of paying at all and it's not uncommon for me to "treat" more often than not, that's just the kind of guy I am, so if it has come off any other way then I apologize. However, my wallet doesn't have an endless supply of money (I should note that the 5 or so dates occurred in a period of ~2 weeks) - if there's any expectation on her part to maintain that sort of dating style then I don't find it unreasonable to want to trade off paying for dates on occasion otherwise the amount of together time/dates is simply just going to have to decrease for the sake of being fiscally responsible.

p.s. I don't even look at the bill on the date, when I'm paying I just put the card in the envelope thing and pay for it...
Well see that's just the problem. Your actions say loud and clear "butt out I'm paying." Not even bothering to check the bill....well...you know perfectly well it's a subtle statement of money is no object. You also say, that that's just the kind of guy you are, but in reality....you can't afford it and are not really happy about it. So stop doing it. Let the check be and give other people the opportunity to pay. You can't have it both ways, be the magnanimous expansive guy who pays without even looking at the bill and expect others to pitch in at the same time.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #24  August 17,2011, 1:24pm
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Nanette wrote :
you know, what about doing things that cost next to nothing? idk where you live, but what about the beach, a park, the lake. she can bring wine, you can lay out a blanket and sit and talk. rent a paddle boat and splash each other... i mean, you can do stuff where you dont have to be pulling out your wallet every 5 minutes.
You're right and I agree, definitely need to think more outside the box than doing the typical dinner dates and such.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #25  August 17,2011, 4:36pm
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I met a woman via 'match' a couple of years back. I bought the coffees.

We communicated by text afterwards and she invited me to her house to a)fix her computer and b)drink wine in her garden!

My point is.... don't assume 'dates' have to be meals or expensive stuff - Nanette suggested something like getting a bottle of wine and sharing it (which reminded me of my experience).

If there's a park near you, you could invite her to join you for a glass or 2 of wine. If she's not just into you for the meal entertainment thing then she'll appreciate the invite. Or invite her to your garden if you have one!


I still think she's free loading off you if after 5 dates she hasn't paid for much. I wouldn't have got that far with someone without at either having them cook a meal for me or them taking me out for one.
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; August 17,2011 at 4:39pm.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #26  August 17,2011, 5:09pm
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If he just slips his CC into the billfold and doesn't give the chance for anyone (least of all his date) a chance to contribute or even offer, then he can't really complain.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #27  August 17,2011, 5:19pm
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thinking about it i would love it if a guy invited me to go watch a sunset and asked me to bring the wine or something like that.

the whole point of dating isnt how much money you drop on the person, its about laughing and having fun together.

the only thing for me *personally* is that especially in the beginning i love it when the guy plans stuff, thats all.
 
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