Follow up to my multi dating thread


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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #21  August 17,2011, 5:44am
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is too happy

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he keeps mentioning these other girls who he's just dumped. girls who he's been having sex with?

have I read that correctly?

if so, I think I'd pass on that one.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #22  August 17,2011, 6:01am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
he keeps mentioning these other girls who he's just dumped. girls who he's been having sex with?

have I read that correctly?

if so, I think I'd pass on that one.
I keep coming back to this thread because, besides it mirroring the weirdest series of interactions of my life (which is saying A LOT - I've worked with the public since 2003), I just can't wrap my mind around wanting to date someone like this. Whatever the reasons for his behavior, I fail to see how it is attractive at all unless he's very charming and can get away with boorish behavior. Which should be a big red flag.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #23  August 17,2011, 6:53am
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I see a major incompatibility here. This dude just ain't right.

Harryoss wrote :
Like I said in the other thread... He's lying to you when he says he was sleeping with other women.

Once again, like I said in the other thread: The first rule of sleeping with more than one woman at a time is.... You don't tell the others. Every guy knows this.

The fact that he told you (and continues to tell you apparently) about sleeping with other women should, in fact, make you question the validity of his claims.
He either can't keep his mouth shut or he's a big bs'er.

BikerBeagle wrote :
I'll play devil's advocate.

...and what is even more interesting is that you, apparently, agreed to his offer.

Yes ...interesting indeed ...

It is possible that, like WW and Curbed stated, he now feels as though you 'owe' him for his exclusivity with you ...but, let's be fair, you really kind of do. The exclusivity was obviously *your* prerequisite before having sex ...not his. He met your terms, now it's your turn to meet his ...

Anything else is just a standard 'bait and switch' tactic. By telling him you won't be "part of that group", you baited him with sex to get what you wanted, exclusivity ...now you are switching 'sex' with 'relationship' (and, ironically enough, now realizing that a relationship is also not what you want with this guy).

It is entirely possible that he's attempting to increase his value with you (i.e. "impress you") by increasing your perception of his demand with other women ...and, like it or not, agree with it or not, a man in demand is more attractive to a woman than a man who ...well, isn't.

The problem now isn't that he (according to him) is in demand ...the problem is that you simply don't want to feel like you are competing with these other women - that is, essentially, what 'exclusivity' means to a lot of people ..."I don't have to compete anymore, you have agreed to only date me".

So, yeah, I think there is certainly enough evidence to support an argument of "insecurity" here, no question ...the debate now becomes, who is more insecure? ...you, or him?
And this too is right on.

You two just aren't meant for each other.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #24  August 17,2011, 7:53am
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HowICIt wrote :
Yeah, but there is that possibility that he is just that clueless...maybe? Just a thought...
Possible? yes. But highly unlikely.

I'd bet a lot more money on him being the type who believes women like competition, and the way to get a woman's attention is to make himself seem desirable by other women (which, to be fair, is somewhat true. The whole "man in demand" concept bikerbeagle mentioned). And what better way to do that, than to claim that he's been having sex with not one, but TWO other women... and that THEY threw themselves at him for that matter.

Also, what some of you don't recall from the other thread is that the OP told this guy that she was seeing other guys as well as him... Is it really far fetched now, for me to say that upon hearing this, the guy went like "oh yeah... not a problem... I've been seeing 2 other women too... But hey, that's just casual sex... they even threw themselves at me... You're special though! You're relationship material!".

Talk about cautioning people from BSers.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #25  August 17,2011, 11:41am
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Starfish111 I remember your other thread and from that I did not get a feeling of insecurity. But with this added information, depending on where the truth lies this could be a sign of insecurity. Another take on this could be that he is trying to exert control over you by telling you just how great a guy he is and if you "don't make him happy" there are plenty of other girls just waiting to take your place.

Bottom line is that I think you would be better off walking away from this one.
 
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