Photochick is offline Photochick Post #1  August 16,2011, 10:41am
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So I’m new on here. I have been separated from my soon to be ex husband for 2 months.
We were together 11 years. I am TERRIFIED of having to date again. I don’t even know where to start.
I feel like I am going to have some trust issues for a bit because of the way things ended. I'm not looking for anything serious but I want to go out and have fun.
Any tips or advice?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  August 16,2011, 10:56am
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Photochick wrote :
So I’m new on here. I have been separated from my soon to be ex husband for 2 months.
We were together 11 years. I am TERRIFIED of having to date again. I don’t even know where to start.
I feel like I am going to have some trust issues for a bit because of the way things ended. I'm not looking for anything serious but I want to go out and have fun.
Any tips or advice?
Well..
if you're terrified, chances are you are not ready..
My first question is: why are you looking into this if you've only been separated two months?(And is this a court ordered separation??)
That might very well be the reason you are terrified in the first place.
how long has the marriage been in the toilet?

Also, what does "go out..have fun" mean to you?...are you just looking for male companionship?
reason being..that's kind of an open ended term for some..especially if you read these boards.
 
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Photochick is offline Photochick Post #3  August 16,2011, 11:01am
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I knew that would come up. Should have addressed it.
He just up and left me, kind of out of the blue. He had been thinking about it for months and then just sprung it on me.
So it's been a long 2 months. I find myself obsessing and wondering where he is, who is talking to etc..We are not together so that should not matter right?
I mean dinner, movies stuff like that. I need to get my mind off him. he is obviously not thinking about me.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  August 16,2011, 11:10am
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Photochick wrote :
I knew that would come up. Should have addressed it.
He just up and left me, kind of out of the blue. He had been thinking about it for months and then just sprung it on me.
So it's been a long 2 months. I find myself obsessing and wondering where he is, who is talking to etc..We are not together so that should not matter right?
I mean dinner, movies stuff like that. I need to get my mind off him. he is obviously not thinking about me.
That's different, then..
Obsessive thoughts about him is not something you want going on, and then be out dating, also..

I'm not sure what you mean by "that should not matter, right?"
In the interest of being honest with yourself it does matter that you are still thinking of him...and you are the "dumpee" here, not the "dumper", so it's usually going to be harder for you. and take more time....all these things are normal, IMO.

Why not join some groups...do some Meetup.com things??..
Good way to meet others who might have the same interests as you..
I'm sure this goes without saying, but really, don't even think about dating anyone right now.
Last edited by TheThinker; August 16,2011 at 11:15am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  August 16,2011, 11:11am
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If you are looking to fill your time, then I suggest joining some active meetup groups and trying out new hobbies, meeting new people and spending some time with fresh faces. Why deal with relationship drama by adding more of relationship drama just of a different kind?

Also, nobody wants to play free therapist to a not quite yet divorcee, so your search for fun in the dating arena may turn into massive rejectionville further destroying your self esteem. Not exactly a situation you need right now.
 
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Photochick is offline Photochick Post #6  August 16,2011, 11:13am
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I'm not even sure "dating" is the right word. Just someone to hang out with you know? I feel lonely.
I don't want to get into anything right now, until I get my head straight.
All my girlfriends are married and I don't want to be a bother to them.
 
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Photochick is offline Photochick Post #7  August 16,2011, 11:16am
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DancingFool wrote :
If you are looking to fill your time, then I suggest joining some active meetup groups and trying out new hobbies, meeting new people and spending some time with fresh faces. Why deal with relationship drama by adding more of relationship drama just of a different kind?

Also, nobody wants to play free therapist to a not quite yet divorcee, so your search for fun in the dating arena may turn into massive rejectionville further destroying your self esteem. Not exactly a situation you need right now.

Good point, I don't want anymore drama. But no therapy involved. I don't even want to think about him!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  August 16,2011, 11:26am
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Photochick wrote :
Good point, I don't want anymore drama. But no therapy involved. I don't even want to think about him!
That's why meetup.com is your best friend right now. Your girlfriends may be married and busy, but guess what - there all these people out there doing fun stuff every day. Join groups and have fun. I'd particularly recommend sport type things if that's even remotely your cup of tea - you'll meet active social people and get a nice workout too and you don't have to be good at the sport. Mostly people are just playing for fun and socializing.
 
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Photochick is offline Photochick Post #9  August 16,2011, 11:29am
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I am going to check it out now! Thanks!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  August 16,2011, 11:34am
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Photochick wrote :
I am going to check it out now! Thanks!
I'm a member of three meetup.com groups and they're all pretty cool, in their own way...it's not a meat market or anything and everyone is just there to have a good time, and do active stuff.
After we may go out and have a few beers and grab something to eat, but that's the extent of it.
I suppose some use it as a hookup site, but from what I've been told those groups don't last too long, nor the members in those groups.
 
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