Tips on dating a 100% Dad?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  August 16,2011, 9:54am
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I have kids, but my kids split time almost equally between my house and their dad's house. I have dated guys with kids before, and most have been in the same situation, where their kids split time between their house and their mom's house. Some of the time, these guys have had their kids about half the time, most of the time, the guys I've dated are older so their kids are also older.

I've started dating, and being interested in guys around my age, who also have kids around my kids' age as well. Most of the time, it appears that these guys split time with their kids. Faced with a situation where the guy is a 100% dad, and has his young child at home all the time. This quite new to me, and I'm just thinking through the possibility of the short-term, how this would actually work. Longer-term, down the line, it wouldn't be an issue as we would both be comfortable having our children around each other, and us around the kids. For now, and for a while, that is not my desire.

Just curious about how this works for those single 100% dads out there. When do you find time to date? Does this have an impact on how early you are willing to introduce a parnter to your children? Obviously, this affects other things like weekend getaways, etc. Are there additional things that should be taken into consideration before dating a 100% parent?
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #2  August 16,2011, 10:15am
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Juss, there is a man I call my 'lottery guy', because if I won the lottery I would quit my job and move to his town! Best match ever, best first date ever, best weekends ever....and he has 100% custody of three sons (and a tenured faculty position at a major university, so he can't move).
We are about 4 hours apart by car; every meeting and trip and visit takes extraordinary planning, because he has to arrange for child care (they are middle-school through high school and he will leave them alone for an evening but not overnight.)
I am also a 100% mom but of a college aged child, so it's different on my end.
The downside is not being able to spontaneously pop into town and count on being able to see him, or have spur of the moment get-aways. The up side is that when we get to see each other it means something, because it takes effort and planning and conscious choice.
It is much easier with his local dates, but even then he has to plan if he is going to be away all night; he says it takes the spontaneity out of that, too.
It can be done, and is done all the time, and I think the end results are greater because you know the extra effort involved.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #3  August 16,2011, 10:16am
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Guys with their kids 100% of the time are like ladies with kids 100% of the time. Truly single parents (such as widows and widowers) have backup. Sometimes it's family that live nearby, other times it's close friends, or parents of children that are their children's friends. But they have someone who can take the children for an evening or a weekend. They have to.

In some ways it's easier to schedule time together, as you don't have to worry your week and his week don't line up.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  August 16,2011, 10:27am
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I'll admit... we haven't met yet. But, my goodness! I like SDD (single dad dude) ... Just thinking though, he doesn't have family in the area, and it's probably going to be difficult for us to spend time together.

I like the idea of what you suggested charm... and haven't thought about it like that. We don't have to worry about schedules aligning, because the times we see each other... we "make" the schedules align.

Red, you think because of the extra work that pulls you closer together, than making it more difficult and pulling you apart?

We will see what happens. Unfortunately, I've learned a long time ago not to fall for a guy too hard before the first meet... but, boy... we have so much in common, and our sarcastic humor, and interests seem to be very much aligned. When I first saw his picture, he did not jump out at me... but, that's why looks can't be that important. He is definitely growing on me and I haven't even met him yet!

OD? OD who?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  August 16,2011, 11:34am
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Uh, have you ever heard of babysitters? Just as a woman can get a babysitter for her children who are too young to stay home alone, so can a guy when presented with the same situation.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  August 16,2011, 11:38am
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jussmile wrote :
I'll admit... we haven't met yet. But, my goodness! I like SDD (single dad dude) ... Just thinking though, he doesn't have family in the area, and it's probably going to be difficult for us to spend time together.

I like the idea of what you suggested charm... and haven't thought about it like that. We don't have to worry about schedules aligning, because the times we see each other... we "make" the schedules align.

Red, you think because of the extra work that pulls you closer together, than making it more difficult and pulling you apart?

I think it makes me feel 'valued', and our visits together feel valuable and have more weight than if he was completely free to come and go as he chooses. Of course, we also are not trying to have a relationship; we see each other when we can make it work, and date others in the meantime, but always seem to come back together.

We will see what happens. Unfortunately, I've learned a long time ago not to fall for a guy too hard before the first meet... but, boy... we have so much in common, and our sarcastic humor, and interests seem to be very much aligned. When I first saw his picture, he did not jump out at me... but, that's why looks can't be that important. He is definitely growing on me and I haven't even met him yet!

OD? OD who?
See above.
Last edited by Dropdeadredtx; August 16,2011 at 11:38am. Reason: silly typo
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  August 16,2011, 11:46am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
See above.
Long distance relationships have been known to work... I just wonder if the guy is so perfect for you... why not at least give it a chance?

Seems like you're not as "needy" as I am in terms of a guy's time in a relationship, so just think it great that you've found someone whom you seem to really click with.

Yest Greatguy, I've heard of babysitters... but needing to get a babysitter every time you want to see each other just seems like it will get old on his part. And, to try and coordinate that every time as well, just seems like it would just not be convenient. And... I have never dated a single 100% mom either .
 
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niqht is offline niqht Post #8  August 16,2011, 12:03pm
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Girl I am talking to is a 100%'er and I have my daughter every weekend Fri evening-Mon morning.
I just recently switched that up to Thur, Fri, Sat, & every other Sunday so I can work on myself a social life.
But, yes, in my limited experience, it is complicated and difficult. You really have to cut the dating just because you can. Pick who is completely worth it.
For 'babysitting', I try not to take advantage of my mom, who is the only one I have to watch her.
Last edited by niqht; August 16,2011 at 12:06pm.
 
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coffeetogoplease is offline coffeetogoplease Post #9  August 16,2011, 1:34pm
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I am 100% mom of 3 kids from Kindergarten to middle school. My advice is to not assume....I have help every weeknight evening so I usually do first and second dates during the week. I can have my kids stay at their friends or have a babysitter on weekends. If I am into a guy I can be available. I am however, pickier about who I will go out with because I don't have tons of spare time, and I like spending time with my family so I like to at least talk on the phone first and get a sense of whether I think we are compatable before I say yes to a meet.

Another thing men have told me is a positive is that they don't have to worry about my ex or deal with all the dynamics of having an ex.

Good luck with it!
 
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maffif is offline maffif Post #10  August 16,2011, 4:44pm
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I dated a widow for a few months. When we got together, it did take special arrangements. We had to look at weekends or nights I didn't have my kids, then he would get a babysitter. We hadn't made it to the point where we had met each other's kids. I think at that point it would get a bit easier. This guy also had odd working hours, each week they changed, so that added to the challenge.
But, for the right person it is worth it!
 
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