Geographically undesirable, isolated, and stuck?


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Mookie_Blaylock is offline Mookie_Blaylock Post #1  August 13,2011, 9:08am
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Good Morning All -

My situation...About 6 years ago, after graduating from graduate school, I was accepted a good job in my field in an absolutely beautiful location that most would die to live in. I'm still in the job...(I understand that I'm lucky as hell in this economy) right now and had my 6 year review recently (had a great review).

When I first moved here, I thought I was the luckiest person alive, but since I've been here, I've learned that the grass ain't always greener so to speak. My issue that I have a hard time with is that I live in a rural/non urban location (depending on traffic, anywhere from a 1 hour and 15/30 minute drive to the city). Since I've lived here, I feel like I have suffered from tremendous loneliness, isolation, and depression at times. Dating...I would say dating where I live is next to impossible. Males outnumber females 12-1, and there is this awful/weird social dynamic that happens up here b/c of it. Reality is really distorted and its affected my perception for the worse. I've tried a number of dating sites but haven't had much luck so far. I'm really sick and tired of this problem and even talking about anymore. I think my friends are sick of me talking about it as well.

I'm a really good person. Have a positive attitude most of the time! I'm kind, have great friends, adventurous, fun, love music, well educated/traveled but I'm having a really hard time.

When I go to the city I feel better, have more energy, and believe more in possibility for my life. I'm being kept here by the good job, but feel like I'd much healthier living in the city for sure.

Any advice? Words of encouragement? Should i get to the city even more? Thanks everyone so much I'm really glad I found this resource!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #2  August 13,2011, 9:14am
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I'm in a similar situation to some extent - although I could move it would entail more financial compromise than I'm willing to make at this point in my life just for the purpose of dating - but I'm a lot older than you.

Is it a hardship for you to get to the city? Would it be possible to live halfway in between? Chances are even if you find someone to date in town, you may find people don't want to travel that far when they have other options closer to home.

It's not like your situation is hopeless (i.e. there aren't single people around), it's just more challenging than it might be.

As is the case for most of us - for various reasons.

Try looking for some meetup groups on meetup.com for social activities that you'd enjoy and that would let you develop a more active social life. Worry about dating after your own life is working in a bit more balanced way.

You might also consider volunteer work. I've always found Habitat for Humanity to be a worthy cause and it's a great way to meet people who are generally not just date-shopping.

We all make compromises in life - the trick is to figure out how to make this one work for you in other areas as well as it works for you professionally. Good luck!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  August 13,2011, 9:20am
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If the city suits your social life better, I'd start by focusing the social life there.

In terms of dating specifically, you can consider looking for partners who favor the attributes of the area you live in (be that housing cost / quality, scenary, space, quiet, whatever) and hope to find one for whom moving to your area can be managed around her career.

Another option, if you have the means, is to get two homes - one where your job is, and another in a city, where you go on the weekend. Best of both worlds.

Last, and hardest, is that you have to jettison a downer attitude - good women with options won't bother getting to know your "good qualities" if you come across as negative.
 
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niqht is offline niqht Post #4  August 13,2011, 9:54am
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
I'm in a similar situation to some extent - although I could move it would entail more financial compromise than I'm willing to make at this point in my life just for the purpose of dating - but I'm a lot older than you
If there is even remotely near a 12:1 ratio of female:men then I absolutely need to know what area you're in
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  August 13,2011, 10:39am
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niqht wrote :
If there is even remotely near a 12:1 ratio of female:men then I absolutely need to know what area you're in
LOL...not quite the same. It's more like a 20:1 ratio of married to single and then a 500:1 ratio of religious to not and about a 1000:1 ratio of dogmatic conservative versus moderate/liberal.

All numbers were made up in my head, btw. It just feels that way sometimes. Everyone is married, churched, and ultra-conservative and I am the local freak.

Which is actually okay with me - it just makes dating more a challenge.
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #6  August 13,2011, 10:40am
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niqht wrote :
If there is even remotely near a 12:1 ratio of female:men then I absolutely need to know what area you're in
Me, too!
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #7  August 13,2011, 10:49am
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That's the breaks of this type of "good" job. They have to pay a lot because the quality of life in the locale is dismal.

Your only choice is to bite the bullet and move. One truth for sure - your locale certainly isn't going to change to suit your needs.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #8  August 13,2011, 10:53am
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Wow! I am in exactly the same position! Except it's real estate holding me in the area where I am - I own my place and would be difficult or impossible to sell it for enough $$ to pay off the mortgage. (Even if I could sell it - it's like paradise here.)

However, I work in the "big city" where I grew up - and it's about an hour to an hour and a half from where I live. I only have to drive into the city 3 days a week, but I'm usually there 5-6 days a week... even though it costs between $20-$25 (depending on my lead foot) per round trip. I don't know about the ratio of guys to girls where I live, but where I live it's... ah... not exactly the IQ mecca of the world. It's mostly blue collar around here. So to find the kind of woman I am looking for, I have to concentrate on the city.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #9  August 13,2011, 10:55am
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niqht wrote :
If there is even remotely near a 12:1 ratio of female:men then I absolutely need to know what area you're in
Ummm, I think the OP was saying, there's 12 guys for every 1 woman.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  August 13,2011, 10:57am
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Mookie_Blaylock is your problem really where you live or is it a dating related problem.

If the problem is really that you don't like living in a rural location then the only real solution is to find a new job that will allow you to live in a city.

However, if living in a rural area, as a place to live, suits you and this is all about your dating prospects then the solution would be to change your online location to the city. A 1 1/2 hour drive to go on a date may not be the most ideal situation but it certainly is not an insurmountable problem.
 
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