Less attractive because of past dates...


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  August 9,2011, 2:12pm
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I think some of you will find this interesting. So, in my date recently with OD... he said something that I'm curious how others will react to. We were talking about a lot of different things, and we talked about guys that I have dated in the past, women that he dated in the past, etc., etc....

Well, as many of you on here know, I have previously (mainly) dated much older guys. Between the ages of 51-57. He thought that was just gross (made the comment and the face), and couldn't believe that I would even date someone that old. He actually said that in a way, it made me "less" attractive to him, because of these guys that I chose to date. I clearly told him he can have whatever opinion he wants on the subject, but that everyone I dated, I dated for a reason. That I had found that guys in this range, just treat me better, are at a calmer place in their lives, and have the level of patience and peace that I am seeking. I am (I believe) the oldest person he has dated (I'm 37 he's 38), but he felt I was selling myself short by dating these "old guys."

In a way, I know he totally meant it as a compliment to me... that I could do better. And... possibly, that he was way above this "quality" bar or something?

... if you found at that a woman (or man) you were dating had dated someone 20 years older than she was... would this make her "less attractive" to you? Would you even care? Or, what would be your thoughts?
 
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niqht is offline niqht Post #2  August 9,2011, 2:20pm
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I would definitely wonder. That is a large difference and it seems a bit unnatural. Not that she had date, but that it was nearly only that significant of an age difference.
And I would feel like you would be selling me short by having no faith in someone your own age.

And there is a certain daddy phrase that comes to mind, but I won't say it
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  August 9,2011, 2:39pm
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I couldn't care less.

In fact, that way of thinking is absurd to me.

I look at it like, she's now on date with me...so what difference does it make...

A bird in the hand, and all that..
Last edited by TheThinker; August 9,2011 at 2:44pm.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  August 9,2011, 2:46pm
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My definition of a successful partnership has always been 'being with a man who wants to be with me, right now, this moment, more than he wants to be with anyone else'. In this light, past dates or relationships have no meaning for me.

I would only be concerned if my partner had a very definable type, and had always dated or even married a certain type and I was far, far removed - I would have to wonder if he was just trying to rebel or break a pattern and not that interested in me personally.
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #5  August 9,2011, 2:50pm
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JustSmile wrote :
... if you found at that a woman (or man) you were dating had dated someone 20 years older than she was... would this make her "less attractive" to you? Would you even care? Or, what would be your thoughts?
Yes it would. I'd feel like she was damaged goods if she was dating folks older than her.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #6  August 9,2011, 2:57pm
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I would find it strange if I dated a woman who told me she usually dated people 15-20 years older than me. But, it would not make a huge difference in anything.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #7  August 9,2011, 3:38pm
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I'd actually be more concerned about his 'reaction'..It's one thing to think to himself or say something to the effect of.."That's pretty interesting that you usually choose older...what is it about them that you have gone in this direction?"

But his making a face...calling it 'gross' and then saying such an insult of "That makes you 'less' attractive to me because of that"...

Sorry..that is not a compliment...as I really dislike backhanded compliments like this. To have to put someone else down to make himself look better.

I think that after your thread the other day about feeling sad, envious, jealous...whatever term you chose in the end...about not being with someone right now and feel like you are the only one. This was what many were trying to warn you about...choosing someone to date because you are lonely..and overlooking the obvious differences in this guy to what you really want in someone long term.
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #8  August 9,2011, 3:44pm
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I somewhat agree with Ingytravel. I think that his "compliment" was more of a "she likes dating older and that makes me uncomfortable because it makes me feel insecure about myself..." than anything else. I dated someone 20 years older, once, but she didn't look her age at all. If I met someone who usually dated men of that age range, I would simply question why she's in a date with me, but I wouldn't judge you for it -- I wouldn't assume or say that you should do something else.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #9  August 9,2011, 3:44pm
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It would not bother me at all, and can't think of any reason why it should.
 
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LoveComes1st is offline LoveComes1st Post #10  August 9,2011, 3:45pm
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Well the man would be less attractive as an option for me personally if he mainly concentrated on women 20 years older or younger. But of course that's his perogative to decide his own dating pool.

Reason for me is that I'm looking for a life partner and someone who wants to have kids of his own. And I choose not to date men who also casually date while they are looking for "the one" since that's a mismatch of values with mine. And my personal belief is that he will be less likely to be a faithful and sexually fulfilled partner if he is okay with casual sexual relationships.

To me it defies logic that a man who tells me he wants to settle down and have his own kids would be dating a woman in her 50's who won't be giving him any kids. I see this wide age range (20 years older or younger) as an indication that the man is playing around and feeding me a line.
Last edited by LoveComes1st; August 9,2011 at 3:46pm. Reason: edited....
 
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