kreg85 is offline kreg85 Post #1  August 8,2011, 7:55pm
kreg85's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 42

See profile

Alright - trying this again as for some reason computer keeps dumping this...

Met a gal I am really into at a convention about 4 or 5 weeks ago. Had a few drinks with her and breakfast with her the next morning. Came to find out she lived right down the street from me in another state. We exchanged numbers and started talking. The next week I went away on vacation - the entire time we texted and called each other a lot. When I got back from vacation we went out on 2 dates which went very well. I then went out of town again for work and we continued to text call each other alot. I get home again this weekend and we went on two more dates that in my opinion went very well. To the extent that she told a good friend of mine that she was my gf.... Anyhow the the past 4 or 5 days she was a lot slower in responding to texts and sometimes not at all. This is in contrast to us calling texting non stop. Like I said our dates went well this weekend too. So tonight I get a msg from her saying she wants to "slow things down" Without over thinking this or reading into it what do you think she means? Code word to break up or what? She said she felt "consumed" by our relationship or whatever its called and that she wanted to "chill a bit". Having heard this line before - I am assuming its "game over". She had left a shirt at my house the other night (no we have not had sex yet - fooled around but not sex) - so I told her I would drop it off at her house (front door). She asked why I felt like I "suddenly needed to drop her shirt off" - and this is where I am confused! I get the impression she wants me to keep it - has her perfume on it and I had told her I liked the smell of it ... its also a fairly expensive shirt...Do you think this is over or what the heck is going on in your opinions? Should I stop calling her, wait for her to call me or call her every so often? I can see myself with her long term - but tired of being burned and want some outside advice to what she is really saying and how to handle it correctly. Thx
Last edited by kreg85; August 8,2011 at 8:16pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  August 8,2011, 8:23pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,104

See profile

Wow, that's weird. Mixed signals, for sure.

If I were to give you mixed signals...it would be because I myself was confused and didn't know what I wanted. I really like to hope that at my age I can avoid doing that.

If I were you, on the receiving end...and she asked me to "slow down" with the texts...I would do just that. I would refrain from texting her again; there's just too much room for error there.

I would give her a few days to herself; she may call you up herself if you cut contact.

If she does not, and I wanted to see her next weekend, I would wait till Thurs and then call her.

At any rate, I would keep the shirt until I either see her, or she asks for it back.

Good Luck.

j8a
 
  Reply With Quote
VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #3  August 8,2011, 8:25pm
VB_Girl's Avatar

is working hard for this vacation!

Power Poster

Joined: Feb 2009

Chicago

Posts: 6,946

See profile

It sounds very intense so far. She's only requested to slow things down to a more normal pace. You are projecting your baggage and fears into the situation.

Relax and give her a little breathing space. Communicating once or twice a day should be sufficient to keep the relationship going.

Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reverse_Dragon is offline Reverse_Dragon Post #4  August 8,2011, 8:35pm
Reverse_Drago…'s Avatar

w00t w00t! I is getting married! Success at last.

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2011

Louisville, KY

Posts: 693

See profile

I agree with both of the previous posts. You guys have been moving fast... at least by my standards. You say you can really see a future with this girl? Well it sounds like she does too.

If a woman says she feels consumed by a relationship, it would seem to me she is feeling out of balance. The intensity of your time together is affecting her career, her friendships, her social obligations, or whatever.

Let her find her feet. Don't smother her. I know we men tend to define love with how much we can give; support, time, affection, attention and so on, but you have to leave room in the relationship for her personality to fully flower, without blocking the sunlight with your own.
 
  Reply With Quote
brixjnz is offline brixjnz Post #5  August 8,2011, 8:40pm
brixjnz's Avatar

Update: Joined 12/30/07. Found love 6/2011. Engaged 3/17/2012. <3

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

Metro Atlanta

Posts: 1,468

See profile

VB_Girl wrote :
It sounds very intense so far. She's only requested to slow things down to a more normal pace. You are projecting your baggage and fears into the situation.

Relax and give her a little breathing space. Communicating once or twice a day should be sufficient to keep the relationship going.

Good luck.
What she said. (Hey VB!) It doesn't sound AT ALL to me like she wants to end things. It sounds like she realizes that she has been giving so much time to this new relationship that she's maybe allowed other things in her life to slip. I think she's just trying to find a healthy balance. Don't give her shirt back and cut back some on the communications (cut back; not off). But for pete's sake, don't give up!
 
  Reply With Quote
brixjnz is offline brixjnz Post #6  August 8,2011, 8:45pm
brixjnz's Avatar

Update: Joined 12/30/07. Found love 6/2011. Engaged 3/17/2012. <3

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

Metro Atlanta

Posts: 1,468

See profile

Reverse_Dragon wrote :
I agree with both of the previous posts. You guys have been moving fast... at least by my standards. You say you can really see a future with this girl? Well it sounds like she does too.

If a woman says she feels consumed by a relationship, it would seem to me she is feeling out of balance. The intensity of your time together is affecting her career, her friendships, her social obligations, or whatever.

Let her find her feet. Don't smother her. I know we men tend to define love with how much we can give; support, time, affection, attention and so on, but you have to leave room in the relationship for her personality to fully flower, without blocking the sunlight with your own.
Sorry to go off topic, but I just had to tell you that I am so impressed by you. Your thoughtful, compassionate and sympathetic comments are always a pleasure to read. And your openness about the battles in life you've fought and won, mainly with regard to your addiction, is so refreshing. I've been gone from eHa for awhile, but I wanted to say welcome. This board needed a voice like yours.
 
  Reply With Quote
VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #7  August 8,2011, 8:45pm
VB_Girl's Avatar

is working hard for this vacation!

Power Poster

Joined: Feb 2009

Chicago

Posts: 6,946

See profile

brixjnz wrote :
What she said. (Hey VB!) It doesn't sound AT ALL to me like she wants to end things. It sounds like she realizes that she has been giving so much time to this new relationship that she's maybe allowed other things in her life to slip. I think she's just trying to find a healthy balance. Don't give her shirt back and cut back some on the communications (cut back; not off). But for pete's sake, don't give up!
Hi brixjnz! Good advice here too, I agree with holding on to the shirt .. she may need it one day soon.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reverse_Dragon is offline Reverse_Dragon Post #8  August 8,2011, 8:49pm
Reverse_Drago…'s Avatar

w00t w00t! I is getting married! Success at last.

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2011

Louisville, KY

Posts: 693

See profile

brixjnz wrote :
Sorry to go off topic, but I just had to tell you that I am so impressed by you. Your thoughtful, compassionate and sympathetic comments are always a pleasure to read. And your openness about the battles in life you've fought and won, mainly with regard to your addiction, is so refreshing. I've been gone from eHa for awhile, but I wanted to say welcome. This board needed a voice like yours.
Wow brixjnz, that is incredibly kind of you. I almost felt like I was going to cry reading it. I hope I can live up to your opinion of me.
 
  Reply With Quote
Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #9  August 8,2011, 9:01pm
Raw_Truth's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 1,496

See profile

Well, in my experience having been on both sides of "let's slow things down" it has 100% of the time meant, "I thought about it a bit and I'm really not into this all that much," which was shortly followed by an end to the dating situation by the person that said it.
Last edited by Raw_Truth; August 8,2011 at 9:41pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
sony12 is offline sony12 Post #10  August 8,2011, 9:13pm
sony12's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Posts: 1,958

See profile

If you guys were having intercourse on a regular basis I could understand the slow down comments. But the fact you havn't leads me to think she has lost interest.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Guy who called me stacked is "most eligible bachelor" | Dating | Follow up to my multi dating thread »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Question for guys 20-35ish Red28 About You 57 August 16,2011 11:24am
Have you ever asked/been asked the "premarital sex" question? MPdoc68 Using eHarmony 35 July 16,2011 4:54pm
"Tell me more about yourself." Is this a dumb question? D_Lion Dating 84 November 7,2010 5:52pm
Questionable Question AndieIsMe Using eHarmony 14 June 12,2010 7:48am
eHarmony Profile Workshop Question 11: Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed... eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 26 April 22,2010 2:49pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:13am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0