So many questions...hope you veterns can help


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beanie73 is offline beanie73 Post #1  July 27,2011, 6:28pm
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So after reading a lot of posts on here I have come down to this....Is online dating a hinder or is it something you find enjoyable, because it sounds to me like many are doing it not so much for companionship, but because many don't want to be alone or it's a challenge to see how many dates they can get within the week. I'm not trying to be negative about this, but it sounds as if I'm reading more about the heartaches and pains more so than the good. Plus I really don't want to be spending a lot of time on here trying to find a mate...someone mentioned they still see pple on her they saw almost 3 yrs ago and still they're single. I'm finding myself more on this site than the actual dating sites. Maybe because I just don't have the patience to go through all the people who viewed me and try to start up a conversation...plus all the constant profile stuff drives me nuts! So how do many of you keep trucking on with this? What keeps you motivated? Is it worth it? Have you had a lot of long term relationships? What kind of advice can you give me with this considering I'm new to the whole online thing. I've used it off and on, but never for long periods of time. I always seem to meet someone IRL than online and thus don't use it. However, this online stuff is also making me open my eyes to what I do have....
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  July 27,2011, 6:33pm
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I think the nature of this board (as with most social media) is that people post things that are on the more extreme end of the equation - as in, really, really good or really, really bad, so you're missing the middle which may represent the bulk of online dating, but that seems too ordinary to talk about.

I think for me, online dating is somewhere in between enjoyable and a hinderance. It certainly helps augment the people I meet offline but does not hugely swing in either direction.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #3  July 27,2011, 6:36pm
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boschimsp wrote :

I think for me, online dating is somewhere in between enjoyable and a hinderance. It certainly helps augment the people I meet offline but does not hugely swing in either direction.
Yup. It's a convenient way to meet a number of men I probably would not meet otherwise. It's a tool and everyone uses it/views it a bit differently.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  July 27,2011, 6:37pm
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That's a lot of questions!

Don't forget that this is a site for advice on dating, and people only seek advice when they are in a quandry. So, most of the threads here are going to be about doubts, concerns, problems, and so on. That doesn't mean that these things typify online dating. It just means that this is a place to come when those situations arise.

Some people do get hooked on the constant search simply because there seems to be an endless supply of likely candidates. Others, though, are more than happy to spend time with someone who meets their romantic and personal needs. And, there are others who are struggling to meet a person who might become a partner. It's a wide range.

I have been online dating for three years but in that time I have had three relationships that lasted several months and I have taken breaks for several weeks. I live in an area in which there are few people who have the characteristics I am looking for in a partner, so I am very grateful for the opportunities online dating has given me. I estimate that I have had about one first meeting per month, on average, and that is one meeting per month more than I would have had through my real life connections.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #5  July 27,2011, 6:40pm
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I've been here two years... figured I would be in a swerious relationship, by year one... potentially married by year two...

welcome to the club .

We can hope, dream, and wish all we want. I think things happen when they're ready. It's a matter of time and being open.

I've put in the time, now let's try being open!

Good luck!
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #6  July 27,2011, 6:43pm
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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Worked for me!
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  July 27,2011, 6:52pm
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beanie73 wrote :
So after reading a lot of posts on here I have come down to this....Is online dating a hinder or is it something you find enjoyable, because it sounds to me like many are doing it not so much for companionship, but because many don't want to be alone or it's a challenge to see how many dates they can get within the week. I'm not trying to be negative about this, but it sounds as if I'm reading more about the heartaches and pains more so than the good. Plus I really don't want to be spending a lot of time on here trying to find a mate...someone mentioned they still see pple on her they saw almost 3 yrs ago and still they're single. I'm finding myself more on this site than the actual dating sites. Maybe because I just don't have the patience to go through all the people who viewed me and try to start up a conversation...plus all the constant profile stuff drives me nuts! So how do many of you keep trucking on with this? What keeps you motivated? Is it worth it? Have you had a lot of long term relationships? What kind of advice can you give me with this considering I'm new to the whole online thing. I've used it off and on, but never for long periods of time. I always seem to meet someone IRL than online and thus don't use it. However, this online stuff is also making me open my eyes to what I do have....
People still on here that they say three years ago can be:

1. dead profile stilll in the system

2. Person was in a 2+ yr relationship that ended.....does that mean they are so bad?

Yes it is worth it because just like in real life and old school dating circles you never know whats around the corner.


Online isnt all that much different than meeting in real life.

Sites like Match where you search for a profile is like an online bar..you see someone you communicate with them. Sites like eharmony and chemistry does the matching for you where they do some personality profiles and set you up with potential matches to you...from there you communicate with them...sort of like the local matchmaker girlfriend you have who always likes to set people up.
 
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beanie73 is offline beanie73 Post #8  July 27,2011, 6:54pm
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I'm not saying I'm seeing all the negative threads on here...it's all over...so it just makes me wonder..and I do have to agree...I guess it's going to be from one extreme to the other and you really don't see a lot of that in between. I really haven't had any meets yet and the one I was suppose to have just blew up in my face....I have been having contact with someone else on another dating site and we will see how that goes.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  July 27,2011, 7:03pm
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Well, what's the fun in posting the benign, non-exciting, boring things?

You will always see more bad than good on any advice board. People usually don't post a lot of the "happy" stuff they are going through because they aren't worried about it. Though, you will see a few of us posting "OMG! I have a date tonight!"

Think of the advice board like a book. You have to have excitement, adventure, intrigue and drama to keep the readers' attention. The boring stuff is in there, believe me it is, we just don't post about it.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #10  July 27,2011, 7:07pm
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beanie73 wrote :
So after reading a lot of posts on here I have come down to this....Is online dating a hinder or is it something you find enjoyable, because it sounds to me like many are doing it not so much for companionship, but because many don't want to be alone or it's a challenge to see how many dates they can get within the week. I'm not trying to be negative about this, but it sounds as if I'm reading more about the heartaches and pains more so than the good. Plus I really don't want to be spending a lot of time on here trying to find a mate...someone mentioned they still see pple on her they saw almost 3 yrs ago and still they're single.

Honestly, I think most of us on these boards could be in a relationship quite easily if we wanted to. Finding a relationship is easy. Finding a relationship with a "like minded individual who has very few deal breakers" is a little more challenging. Hey, what can I say? Some of us are picky! For the record, I opened my eH advice profile in 2008 and didn't use the boards for over 2 years. When I decided to come back and check things out, I used the same profile. It's not uncommon for someone to start an eH profile, get into a relationship and leave the boards for a while, then come back later if things don't work out. Therefore, I think the dates on the profiles can be misleading.

I'm finding myself more on this site than the actual dating sites. Maybe because I just don't have the patience to go through all the people who viewed me and try to start up a conversation...plus all the constant profile stuff drives me nuts! So how do many of you keep trucking on with this?

I go in spurts.

What keeps you motivated? Is it worth it?

I figure every time I date a guy and decide he's not "the one", I'm one step closer to finding the one who is.

Have you had a lot of long term relationships?

I haven't had a LTR since my divorce. Did I mention I'm picky?

What kind of advice can you give me with this considering I'm new to the whole online thing. I've used it off and on, but never for long periods of time. I always seem to meet someone IRL than online and thus don't use it.

If IRL is working for you, I say go with it.

However, this online stuff is also making me open my eyes to what I do have....
See comments in bold above.
 
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