So many questions...hope you veterns can help


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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #21  July 28,2011, 11:54am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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3GIG wrote :
Some eHarmony users (of both genders) are hoping for unrealistic matches and/or are here to shop the market. As you observed, it creates more rejection (and curious tales posted here) than marriages. For that reason, I classify eHarmony as an entertainment site.
Assuming you are an eHarmony user then you are part of the problem.

FYI I personally know of someone who met her spouse on eHarmony. If I, just one small speck in the universe, personally know someone that found their mate through eHarmony then it must have some measure of success with matching people. I also heard, though don't personally know them, of another couple who met on eHarmony and is getting married soon (or maybe the wedding has already taken place, not sure) (heard this from the president of my company and he knows the family of the groom personally, so it is not some media advertisement).
 
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savman is offline savman Post #22  July 28,2011, 11:56am
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is back in the game

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It takes patience. Online dating services are really only a way to meet people. Sitting back and doing very little will bring very slow results unless you happen to be really hot.

I think you pretty much get out of it what you put into it, just like everything else in life.

It is certainly not some magic cure where they bring the perfect partner to your house and preform a wonderful wedding and you live happily ever after. It is just a way for like minded people to advertise themselves and search through the advertisements of others, really.
 
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3GIG is offline 3GIG Post #23  July 28,2011, 11:57am

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Assuming you are an eHarmony user then you are part of the problem.

FYI I personally know of someone who met her spouse on eHarmony. If I, just one small speck in the universe, personally know someone that found their mate through eHarmony then it must have some measure of success with matching people. I also heard, though don't personally know them, of another couple who met on eHarmony and is getting married soon (or maybe the wedding has already taken place, not sure) (heard this from the president of my company and he knows the family of the groom personally, so it is not some media advertisement).
Alcohol has had more success in matching couples than eHarmony.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #24  July 28,2011, 5:51pm
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Participating in the EH Advice community is not restricted to singles. I get on here because I enjoy hearing about others experiences. It doesn't mean that I'm not dating anyone or still looking. I'm a busy person and Internet dating is expedient for me. We all have our stories, but I've had some great relationships and met some wonderful friends on line. My point being, an active participant in this community doesn't mean you're not involved. Half the battle is knowing what you're looking for and being sharp enough to act on it when you see it, and not taking rejection personally.
 
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beanie73 is offline beanie73 Post #25  July 28,2011, 6:51pm
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Alli824 wrote :
Participating in the EH Advice community is not restricted to singles. I get on here because I enjoy hearing about others experiences. It doesn't mean that I'm not dating anyone or still looking. I'm a busy person and Internet dating is expedient for me. We all have our stories, but I've had some great relationships and met some wonderful friends on line. My point being, an active participant in this community doesn't mean you're not involved. Half the battle is knowing what you're looking for and being sharp enough to act on it when you see it, and not taking rejection personally.
Alli said it well that I do enjoy hearing other experiences and yes I did do a month of trying it to see what it's all about. It might be window shopping as you call it...and let me rephrase what I meant by the whole dating IRL thing. I'm not opposed to finding someone on here. It just so happens that by murphy's law I sign up for a month on EH and then find someone IRL. I don't always get that lucky! Hence why I'm on here looking. Maybe you're right in a sense that I need closure before I move onto another relationship....but then again, did I ever mention I wanted another serious relationship right now. Maybe I'm just looking for a companion....maybe just some casual dating. My life is busy, as many other people's on here, but I just don't feel like spending hrs upon hrs looking at people;'s profiles...so I limit to trying to reach out to about 4-5 people per week. If I get a hit..great! If not, well that's ok too. I don't "have" to be with someone, and I guess that's why I just am not putting too much into this. You can't expect someone to want to be with you if you're not happy being and knowing who you are...just my opinion.

Yes I do still love my ex. but it's not like a can't live without him type of love. It's a love as I love being around him...I love feeling accepted for who I am. Yet, I'm just uneasy as to him still not being done with this divorce.

I appreciate everyone's honesty in this. It makes me feel like I have a whole new outlook as to how to view this online bit. I can relate to much and have a better understanding about others views..
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #26  July 29,2011, 12:11am
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if you reach out to 4 or 5 a week I doubt it will be worth the effort.
 
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Special-K is online now Special-K Post #27  July 29,2011, 7:18am
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savman wrote :
It is certainly not some magic cure where they bring the perfect partner to your house and preform a wonderful wedding and you live happily ever after. It is just a way for like minded people to advertise themselves and search through the advertisements of others, really.
I think some people expect it's going to be this ^

savman wrote :
It takes patience. Online dating services are really only a way to meet people. Sitting back and doing very little will bring very slow results unless you happen to be really hot.
In reality, it's this ^

savman wrote :
I think you pretty much get out of it what you put into it, just like everything else in life.
And most definitely this ^
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #28  July 29,2011, 8:24am
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I have been "doing this" for just about 10 months now. I had no idea that online dating would be this hard. Sure, I figured that I would have to "kiss a lot of frogs", but it would be worth it to find that one special relationship. So far, there hasn't even been many frogs, and certainly none that I kissed.

FaintestInkling summed up my online dating experience pretty well here, and also my reasons for still doing this, or doing this in the first place. For a long time, I had avoided online dating, thinking that it "just wasn't for me". I might have been right. Maybe I waited too long. Maybe it doesn't matter when I tried this.

A friend likes to tell me how one of her girlfriends went on about 200 dates before she found "The One". At that rate, I figure I'll still be here in about 25 years.

FaintestInkling wrote :
I have sworn to give up on online dating any number of times, but basically I'm a sucker for what online dating sites peddle---false hope. If you don't meet a lot of people in your day-to-day life, depsite your best efforts, online dating services create the illusion that "there are a lot of people out there, and the right one could be right-around-the-corner."

The bottom-line is: I do not think that online dating is going to work for me, and overall it has brought me a lot of hurt and frustration.

Nevertheless, I'm going to keep doing it, because (1) I'm still always tempted by the allure of "being able to meet someone particularly compatible online," moreso than I'd ever randomly meet IRL: and (2), much more importantly --- I'm already doing everything else I can think of IRL, and that isn't working either.
 
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