education level differences: can it work?


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rules is offline rules Post #1  July 27,2011, 10:02am
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One of the traits that I seek in a man is intelligence. In fact, I am very turned on by intelligence. The problem I face is that men with "some college" keep contacting me on match. I have a PhD and prefer to date those with at least a bachelor's degree. I have found in the past that those w/o a degree do not stimulate me intellectually. I have been honest with some of those with "some college" who have contacted me, and they will end up convincing me to give them a chance as their education level is not an indication of their intelligence. So far, though, it hasn't worked. In all cases, I have "felt" the lack of education. So, the solution seems to be to only date those with a degree, right? The problem is that I live in a place in which there are many more men w/o degrees than w/ degrees. So, I keep getting contacted by those w/o a degree. My profile does state that "my match" has at least a bachelor's degree, but that doesn't seem to make a difference as far as who contacts me.

Have you dated someone successfully when there was a big difference in education level? I think it may work better if the man is the one who is more educated? Does it work when the woman is more educated???
 
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savman is offline savman Post #2  July 27,2011, 10:10am
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I very much understand the thought process. But, you might be surprised by all of the men who run businesses who never finished college. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs seem to be fairly intelligent, just to list a couple.

There are also 27 members of congress who have no degree and one Senator. Although, not sure that says as much as it sounds like it says.
Last edited by savman; July 27,2011 at 10:13am.
 
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jov27 is offline jov27 Post #3  July 27,2011, 10:18am
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For me, it depended on how old I was. In my 20s I dated a man for 7 years, who I expected to marry. He dropped out of college for a number of years, but then after starting to work at a prestigious university, finished up with a degree from a great school. He was, however, very bright and in a computer related field that valued performance more than credential.

Now that I'm older, it's not so much degree as intelligence, and accomplishment - the PhD being one 'marker' of that. As I and the men get older, aptitude, energy, interest in the world have a chance to play out. At first, I met a lot of men to 'give them a chance' even if their jobs and experiences were about what mine was in my mid twenties. That never worked. There are brilliant, interesting men who are teachers; teaching attracts a wide range of people, as does at times the military for example. But, for example, there are fewer in certain business titles past the age of 30-40.

So now, unless the email or phone communication shows some mental flexibility, intellect, nuanced thinking, and some perspective on life experiences, I know there's little chance I'll find chemistry in conversation, and little chance I might find someone I'm both attracted to and who could be my best friend. There might be a VERY few men without bachelor's degrees who show that, so depending on the profile, I'll consider.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #4  July 27,2011, 10:24am
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With thise who have some college depends on what exactly they are doing.

Remember Bill Gates only has some college....

I do believe 8 times out of 10 you are going to have problems with people who have just some college. The ones I think you will have better success with who had jut some college are those with entrepenurial spirit who say started their own business.

On the flip side.....there are men who WILL NOT communicate with you just because you have a phD. (I am not one of them)

There are some men who look at income and degrees as a status symbol where some men feel they need to be the bread winner and need to make mnore, be smarter, and take care of her. Outside of the careers that require masters and are heavily women (nurses, social work, teachers) the degree will be intimidating to the men.

Then there are some men who are fine if she makes more than him or has a higher degree than him ....but...they think she will only date men who make more or have an equivalent degree as her which means she is only interested in corporate execs, doctors, lawyers, scientists,and university professors....thus the guys wont even try to communicate with you.
 
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curiousgirl123 is offline curiousgirl123 Post #5  July 27,2011, 10:26am
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To me education matters. Minimum Bachelor's would be nice, preferably in a practical field. I think it would be easier to relate on intellectual level and have more things to talk about.

There are people, especially from the the older generation who don't have a degree but have done a lot of training/taken various courses on the side and gained knowledge to become successful. To me that would count for motivation and education.


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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  July 27,2011, 11:07am
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Like you, I value intelligence. Yes, often times college degree can be a good proxy to try to assess that. But it's not a perfect correlation. I must admit I have only dated one person who didn't finish his degree, but I've dated a lot of people who were well educated but still lacked the kind of drive and curiousity I appreciate.

I will admit I have never really branched out to dating people without a bachelor's degree (and often date people with advanced degrees), but I also live in an area where there is an abundance of people who are college educated.

What you might want to do is isolate what it is that you really are interested in. Is it intellectual curiosity? Someone who communicates effectively? Someone who has drive and ambition? And experiment with keeping your search targeted to those people regardless of their educational status. In other words, I'm not saying compromise the qualities that are important to you, but be open to the fact they may come from someone whose level of education is different from your own. Don't waste your time with guys who clearly don't posess the qualities you want, but if they do -- why not! You can always confirm through experience that these qualities are not enough without the degree, but it doesn't hurt to experiment.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  July 27,2011, 11:10am
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ami1uwant wrote :
With thise who have some college depends on what exactly they are doing.

Remember Bill Gates only has some college....

I do believe 8 times out of 10 you are going to have problems with people who have just some college. The ones I think you will have better success with who had jut some college are those with entrepenurial spirit who say started their own business.
This is definitely a fair point. I think the reasons why they chose to not further their education are key to figuring out compatibility. I have generally dated people who have degrees but did, when just out of college, date someone who dropped out. In his instance it was because he had the opportunity to be a part of a start up company, which mean he did have qualities I appreciated, i.e. drive, ambition, intelligence. However, he also demonstrated that he was the type who when faced with different paths would always pick the one that was the easiest and required the least amount of work so that particular quality, knowing relationships are not easy, was not appealing to me.
 
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stayorgo is offline stayorgo Post #8  July 27,2011, 11:12am
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Yes it can work - but I think it has to be a little more specific still if they don't have a degree. I've dated guys with no college - but they were still every bit as smart (if not smarter) as college educated students. In fact, I know quite a few people who have their bachelors degrees and are still dumb as rocks. Maintaining a C average to graduate from a run of the mill local college isn't that difficult anymore. So I wouldn't automatically discount these types.


Sidenote: this stuff about Bill Gates - he dropped out of college because at the time there were not fields to study what he wanted to study. He dropped out of college so he could spend all his free time in the college computer labs. So he was still on a college campus doing at least college level work, he was just not actively enrolled in a program.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #9  July 27,2011, 11:39am
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I also have a strong preference to date men who are at least college graduates. In my case, it's not just about intelligence, as we all know that there are some intelligent people without degrees, but about choices. Barring extenuating circumstances (having to care for an ill relative, joining a start-up, dropping out to play a professional sport, running out of money and not being able to get loans) I'd feel more comfortable with the guy that chose to continue his education right after high school and go on to finish college. And, if I'm being perfectly honest, I'd prefer someone that was able to get into and chose to attend a 'good' college as well.

And for those that did have extenuating circumstances, by the time they reach their early 30's (the age range i'm dating) chances are they would've had time by now to finish their degree.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #10  July 27,2011, 11:46am
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I have normally dated guys with college degrees. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1) I highly value intellectual (booksmart) stimulating conversation about things that are really geeky... it's a real turn on for me... this tends to occur with people who have gotten graduate degrees 2) I value financial security, and men with good jobs... again, this has more often than not been with guys who have college degrees.

These are the things that I value. True, not all men with degrees meet this criteria, but more often than not, the men who do meet this criteria have college degrees.
 
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