To Soon to Call "Just to Talk"?


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Newtothis79 is offline Newtothis79 Post #1  July 26,2011, 9:53am
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So, here's my dilemma. I've gone on two dates with this guy who I really like, and on the second one, in particular, we spent a really long time together and really "clicked" so to speak. Thing is, he is EXTREMELY busy with work; it's not so much that he has a ton of work to do, and, in fact, he'll sometimes text me from work, but that the nature of his job is such that he often has to "be" somewhere even if he's not really working (I don't want to say his job, but a good comparison would be an EMT).

Basically, his schedule is all over the place. He also has some activities he participates in in his spare time, leaving him with about 1 day per week free (but the day switches all the time!). And I can't really even expect him to "give" me this day, so to speak, since people have friends, etc. to also keep up with. If you read my other post where I acted like a moron at the end of the second date (ran away without even giving him a chance to make a move), you will know that I've been working on ensuring that this guy knows I'm interested without coming across as desperate. I'm fairly certain I've fixed that debacle via some emails we exchanged in which we both talked about how awesome it was hanging out and how we want to get together again soon. We've planned the details of the next date, but not the day.

So, here's the thing. I feel like it's my turn to ask him out for a specific time - just to ensure I've fully cleaned up my previous mess - but since he never knows his schedule for sure until the "day of" it's kind of pointless. At the same time, I want to keep in contact with him fairly often so as to ensure he knows that, when he asks, I'm going to say yes. And even though I'm normally terrified of calling someone, at this point, the texts and emails are getting old, even to me. So, I'd like to give him a call "just to talk" or whatever, but, in spite of two awesome dates and my desire to show my interest, I'm STILL worried about coming across as desperate.

Two sidenotes: First, this could be all in my own head as I have a ton of down-time for the next few weeks, and it may be that because I know I'm free all the time, I imagine he knows it too, which makes me feel loser-y. Second, sometimes I send him "keep in touch" texts and don't hear back for hours so I'm a bit worried about calling someone who seems too busy to even text sometimes.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #2  July 26,2011, 10:01am
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How about a text which says something like, "Is there a good time for me to call you and we can work out a time to see each other again?"

That way you are taking initiative, but still giving him freedom.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  July 26,2011, 10:03am
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He knows his schedule a week before but could be called to ask about fill in shifts and collecting OT. He is willing to do this in the past because he doesnt have someone to sleep with.

Now that he does he will likely make avaialability to date you if you suggest


So just call......
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  July 26,2011, 10:05am
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Your having a lot of free time may make you feel a little "empty" at the moment. Particularly if this is not your normal schedule.

On the other hand my take on the guy is that he is too busy to be dating period. Along with his being too busy to date I see a basic incompatibility between you two in the attention that you want and what he has the time to give.

Rather than stressing about can you / should you call, appearing desperate, etc. I would suggest that you find someone who is more compatible in lifestyle.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #5  July 26,2011, 10:08am
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I agree. Just call. I expect he has voice mail, so even if he can't chat when you call you can leave a message saying you want to plan the next date.

It is likely that he won't be keen on just chatting for chatting's sake. If he is as busy as he sounds, he is probably also focussed in how he spends his time. So, a call to set up a date makes more sense.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #6  July 26,2011, 10:23am
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I think you are too worried about coming across as "desperate".....one phone call to chat and set up another date is not sounding desperate. Go ahead and give him a call!
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #7  July 26,2011, 10:27am
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In a situation like this, when you don't know his schedule, I don't think it has anything to do with "just calling" to be seen as desperate or not... I think it has more to do with whether or not he'll actually be available to talk.

I am very respectuful of other's time who are busy, and like people to be respectful of mine. If after only two dates, I get this call from a guy out of the blue... I probably won't have much time to talk, and think the call was weird... I'm not big on phone talking outside of a relationship though.

Instead of calling (unless you are accustomed to talking on the phone with this guy all of the time), I would defintely text like savman said. If texting is your normal mode of communication, calling will just be awkward for both of you... when he has no indiciation in advance that you are going to call. don't do it (IMO).
 
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Newtothis79 is offline Newtothis79 Post #8  July 26,2011, 11:53am
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ok, won't call. he just emailed me telling me that he was unexpectedly free today but did not ask me out. so i just wrote him back and asked him. we'll see.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #9  July 26,2011, 11:55am
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Newtothis79 wrote :
ok, won't call. he just emailed me telling me that he was unexpectedly free today but did not ask me out. so i just wrote him back and asked him. we'll see.
Good for you! Fingers crossed.
 
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Newtothis79 is offline Newtothis79 Post #10  July 26,2011, 2:14pm
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Last edited by Newtothis79; July 26,2011 at 2:49pm. Reason: Sick of obsessing
 
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