Pen pal or dating material?


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gymgirlx is offline gymgirlx Post #1  July 23,2011, 5:53pm
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I have been talking to a guy on E.H. for the last month. We write to each other back and forth nearly everyday. Sadly, I won't be able to meet him in person for another month or so :/. What is the best thing to do in this situation? I would honestly like to meet in person before giving out my number. Since writing back and forth, he seems more like a "penpal", and I'm wondering if it's best to back off with the writing everday. I'm so new to this online dating thing. Thanks for any advice!
 
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niqht is offline niqht Post #2  July 23,2011, 5:56pm
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Email wears on me too, but I've always met within 1-2 weeks.
But feel free to taper it off to every other day or more. Especially after a month.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  July 23,2011, 5:56pm
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I agree that it's fine to back off the online communication until meeting. It's best to be clear about how you're changing your communication, so your match doesn't needlessly eat at their fingernails.

I would want your number prior to driving to meet (late departure, breakdown, get lost ...)
 
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uglymug70 is offline uglymug70 Post #4  July 23,2011, 7:21pm
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My experience tells me you'll be sorely disappointed when you do eventually meet. A lot is left to the imagination when emails are exchanged alone. You don't really get to know the person.

I'd suggest calling him. Explain to him your discomfort and ask if he can provide a number for you to call. Then, *67-xxx-xxxx so your number is blocked from caller ID.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #5  July 23,2011, 7:27pm
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Yes, I agree that speaking by phone is important, and tapering the emails to every other day (at most) would shift things in a good direction.

Googlevoice (you can Google it! ) is free, and it allows you to give him a new number which relays calls to your cell. Then you still have your privacy/security. Or the caller ID block would be an alternative.

Good luck, and welcome to the boards!
 
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niqht is offline niqht Post #6  July 23,2011, 7:56pm
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I use google voice for texting. Awesome
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  July 23,2011, 8:58pm
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I have been exchanging with someone in another state (as I have a tendency to do .) We started off e mailing. I answered his mail every 3/4 days, simply because he was not on my radar and at times I forgot he wrote. Hhe then sent me a very direct e mail asking about my level of interest. We moved to phone calls and I discovered he was witty and quite interesting. We've been e mailing and calling every day. Now it's time to meet because I put it out there that I'm not looking for a pen pal. My point, as someone else said the sooner you meet the sooner you can decide if he's even a viable prospect. Many would like to prolong the process to make sure you're "in" and hooked. My advice- Connect on the phone and meet quickly. No reason to tie up your time if he's not what you want.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  July 24,2011, 9:14am
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You don't say why you can't meet for another month. Is this a LDR or is one of you out of town for the next month or something? If this is not an LDR then you should meet as soon as possible. You MAKE time for what is important. If I have a match that is "too busy" to meet in a timely manner then I see that as a clear sign of what is important to here and will just move on with other matches.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  July 24,2011, 9:17am
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D_Lion wrote :
I agree that it's fine to back off the online communication until meeting. It's best to be clear about how you're changing your communication, so your match doesn't needlessly eat at their fingernails.

I would want your number prior to driving to meet (late departure, breakdown, get lost ...)
I disagree with this line of reasoning. It is the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. If you are not keeping up regular communication then I take that as a clear sign that you have moved on to someone else and that is exactly what I do.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  July 24,2011, 9:19am
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uglymug70 wrote :
My experience tells me you'll be sorely disappointed when you do eventually meet. A lot is left to the imagination when emails are exchanged alone. You don't really get to know the person.

I'd suggest calling him. Explain to him your discomfort and ask if he can provide a number for you to call. Then, *67-xxx-xxxx so your number is blocked from caller ID.
You will never actually get to know the person except through meeting in person. The only thing talking on the phone will tell you is if they have an irritating voice.
 
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