Pen pal or dating material?


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #11  July 24,2011, 9:28am
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- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

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I would answer messages from my match, but once I decide to meet there is no point to any further communication beyond the logistics of planning the meet.

It's the meeting that matters.

If I were to e-mail for a month, I am guaranteed to find lots of excuses for closing the match. Once meeting in person, they are a real person, and now I have some context and understanding of them as a person (not to mention, evidence they are who they say they are and can deliver on a potential adult relationship.)

Someone who wants to put me through hoops by wasting my time being their entertainment "chat buddy" can screen me out - and I hope they do.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #12  July 24,2011, 11:25am
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gymgirlx wrote :
I have been talking to a guy on E.H. for the last month. We write to each other back and forth nearly everyday. Sadly, I won't be able to meet him in person for another month or so :/. What is the best thing to do in this situation? I would honestly like to meet in person before giving out my number. Since writing back and forth, he seems more like a "penpal", and I'm wondering if it's best to back off with the writing everday. I'm so new to this online dating thing. Thanks for any advice!
Personally, I think you need to exchange numbers. I would never meet a woman before talking to her first. I have stated this many times before, but I have found through personal experience, that some people are not meant to be met. It isn't necessary to meet everyone you correspond with. Emailing is great, but it has it's limitations. It creates online fantasies and false expectations. There is a high likelihood of a meet/greet starting and ending that same day.

Next, new online daters need to give over being so protective of their numbers. It isn't the same as social security numbers and you can still get your computer hacked and personal information retreived by a professional hacker. If you decide to email someone for a period of time and said person has consistently been cordial, respecful, consistent and intellectually stimulating, then exchanging numbers and having a couple of nice conversations isn't going to hurt. Also, texting is fine, so long as it isn't the sole means of communication.

So, the moral of the story is don't develop anti-social behavioral traits. Understand the purpose of being on an online dating site. Your goal should be to meet, greet and date matches you feel may have potential. Do your qualifying from the beginning of communication all the way through. Never meet anyone who displays certain behaviors that raise suspicion. Don't be afraid to take risks and always use your better judgment, common sense and take necessary safety precautions.

B.Y.
 
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gymgirlx is offline gymgirlx Post #13  July 24,2011, 6:34pm
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Thanks everyone for your opinions. This guy seems very sweet and we have a lot in common. I'll hint at talking on the phone soon it sees where it goes.
 
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LizLemon7 is offline LizLemon7 Post #14  July 28,2011, 5:03am
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A guy I had been corresponding with for several weeks just "poofed" on me. We met on match right as my subscription was about to end. He was out of town. I wish I had not gotten so excited about him, but he seemed so great. I joined eH not long after we started communicating because I had been planning on doing so & I'm really glad I did. These boards are really helpful. I tried not to get too carried away over a few emails, but I did & now I'm bummed.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #15  July 28,2011, 5:46am
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LizLemon7 wrote :
A guy I had been corresponding with for several weeks just "poofed" on me. We met on match right as my subscription was about to end. He was out of town. I wish I had not gotten so excited about him, but he seemed so great. I joined eH not long after we started communicating because I had been planning on doing so & I'm really glad I did. These boards are really helpful. I tried not to get too carried away over a few emails, but I did & now I'm bummed.
So sorry this happened to you. Hang in there, Liz! You can't do anything about what's already done, except learn from it. Meeting as soon as possible, or having solid boundaries with communication until you can meet, avoids this sort of thing from having such an impact. I think many of us have learned that the hard way. *raises hand*
 
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LizLemon7 is offline LizLemon7 Post #16  July 28,2011, 6:05am
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flgal wrote :
So sorry this happened to you. Hang in there, Liz! You can't do anything about what's already done, except learn from it. Meeting as soon as possible, or having solid boundaries with communication until you can meet, avoids this sort of thing from having such an impact. I think many of us have learned that the hard way. *raises hand*
Thank you
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #17  July 28,2011, 6:08am
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D_Lion wrote :
I agree that it's fine to back off the online communication until meeting. It's best to be clear about how you're changing your communication, so your match doesn't needlessly eat at their fingernails.

I would want your number prior to driving to meet (late departure, breakdown, get lost ...)
^^^^ I agree with D.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #18  July 28,2011, 6:33am
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I learnt the hard way too. I think I took people at face value when they said they were "busy" and patiently waited for availablility. I would never do that again.

There was a girl (one of many) who strung me along for weeks last year with long emails.... then told me she was closing her "match" account because she was enjoying being single but apparently had met a few men off match. I pointed out that she'd wasted weeks of my time and she even at this point denied receiving emails from me asking to meet ....... so I went into my saved messages folder and found the emails and sent her copies..... and her final email was "we'll have to agree to disagree"!

Those that want to meet wont take you down the penpal route. Those that want you as a backup plan will.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #19  July 28,2011, 6:57am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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gymgirlx wrote :
I'll hint at talking on the phone soon
"hint"? ...really?

...let the games begin!
 
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