Is online dating just for the good-looking people?


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  July 18,2011, 4:45am
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there's been a lot of discussion lately about online dating only working well for those who are good-looking.

I can see where this could be true. People are being instantly judged based on appearance in many/most cases, and being attractive makes someone be chosen.

I was thinking about this because a guy I went out with twice last fall, and who I liked a lot but who was too screwed up to date, is someone I'm now friends with. He is a very appealing, attractive guy in person. But he takes rotten photos. I mean really bad. He looks like about a 5 in his photos, and he's about a 7.5 in person with sex appeal out the wazoo. I actually almost didn't even meet him originally, and even cancelled on him once, but finally met him just because he seemed so nice and because we realized we had a mutual friend in common and she told me he was a really good guy.

Now he's trying to date online again and he said he's fed up with it because everyone ignores him. He asked me to read his profile and see what I thought. I said, "well, it's because you take bad pictures." He was stunned! He had no idea. He said he couldn't figure out why women were ignoring him online, when in person he used to always have amazing luck with women.

It's all about appearance. He's a very handsome, very appealing, fun, smart guy, but his pics are terrible and make him look like a big dork, so no one gives him a second look.

Does this happen to other people? How important do you think looks are for success in online dating?
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #2  July 18,2011, 5:00am
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scully98 wrote :
How important do you think looks are for success in online dating?
Face it scully, initially, it's THE thing that gets someone's attention, male or female. Whenever someone mentions a match the have, the first qualifier they refer to is their looks.

And the silliest cliche that women say is 'men are visual creatures'. The reality is women are just as visual.

As far as on-line dating being just for good-looking people, let's just say that they probably are more successful initially, but most people know that it takes more than looks. The second thing people mention is their job (ie: money).
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  July 18,2011, 5:08am
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tweet37 wrote :
Face it scully, initially, it's THE thing that gets someone's attention, male or female. Whenever someone mentions a match the have, the first qualifier they refer to is their looks.

And the silliest cliche that women say is 'men are visual creatures'. The reality is women are just as visual.

As far as on-line dating being just for good-looking people, let's just say that they probably are more successful initially, but most people know that it takes more than looks. The second thing people mention is their job (ie: money).
Werd...to the 'nth degree.

Most people look better in person, at least that has been my experience, so I am always willing to forgive the occasional bad snapshot...(I don't "photograph" well, at all)

Those that photograph well, and have decent profiles(doesn't have to be great)will get to the meeting...
What happens after that, like tweet said, usually evens out...over time.
In instances like your friend's profile, he might want to invest in some professional photos, taken outside...because it's usually all about proper lighting.

Clothes..proper fit, stylish.. obviously help, too, to tone down the "dork factor", especially.
Last edited by TheThinker; July 18,2011 at 5:15am.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  July 18,2011, 5:36am
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I don't quite use the term attractive in the same was as you Scully being attractive and being good looking in my opinion are 2 seperate things. Attractive is where the whole package is appealing. Good looking is just a term to describe someone who looks nice?

back to the original point.....

I think in on line dating men increase their likelyhood of better results with:-

1. clear indication of good looks via their photos
2. financial strength/status (mentioning owning a business or any other indication of probable wealth)
3. social status (mentioning numerious holidays/world travels, loads of photos showing their many friends/amazing social life)

Results can be significantly hindered if a man posts a poor photo or a photo which leaves the viewer concerned he might be a large person (e.g. just a face photo).
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  July 18,2011, 5:45am
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Scully you have one too many words in your title question. It should be "Is DATING just for the good-looking people?" and the answer is yes.

It does not matter what the method of introductions is the better looking you are the more successful you are going to be at getting dates. If you look like you belong in Hollywood then you are going to get more "action" be it online or IRL regardless of whether you are male or female.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  July 18,2011, 5:56am
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I don't take a good photo at all. Been told this many times by guys I've met, some of whom have acted quite visibly surprised when they meet me. Last match said, "You're way more fabulous than your pictures!"

I also won't open communication with anyone who looks super good looking in their pictures. I find the guys who look average or so generally tend to have better attitudes.

I will communicate with a super good looking guy if he opens communication with me.

What I look for in a photo is actually not so much their looks but an attitude. do they seem happy and positive? If they put off an opposite vibe, I won't open with them.

I do think after some time doing this that it wouldn't hurt most people to have a picture taken by a professional photographer. There are so many dark, blurry pictures, bad lighting and so forth.

OK that's all my 2 cents on photos.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  July 18,2011, 5:58am
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the particular guy in question, the one that led me to think about attractiveness REALLY playing a role - was a bartender for 20 years, and had no shortage of women to date. but he switched to nursing five years ago and, now that he's divorced, he doesn't have women to meet given that his line of nursing is hospice care.

so he's trying to figure out what's happened to his former appeal, and I'm trying to point out it's the bad pictures. because in person, he literally sparkles with his awesome personality and funny quips. everyone is drawn to him in person. the night I met him last fall, he was sitting at the bar, talking to an elderly couple visiting from Germany, and I mistook him for a friend of theirs because he was so deep in conversation with them. I actually texted him to ask if he was there, as I stood at the door, and saw him glance down at his phone and I realized it was him!

but he's that appealing to people in real life - people are simply drawn to him. but in photos - blech.

I told him a friend of mine could take pics to "make anyone look good" and apparently that offended him. whups.

and yeah. if it sounds like I'm not quite over this guy, you might be right. he just told me last night that he's "not quite ready for me yet" since he's only a month past his breakup. sigh. I hope he's ready soon.
Last edited by scully98; July 18,2011 at 6:01am.
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #8  July 18,2011, 6:07am
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I often rail that online dating works well for few people; however, I am not stating that it is only for good looking people.

The reality is we all have a dating market value, and we ALL over estimate it. In the online world, the problem magnifies itself 10x or worse. The fairy tale Hollywood rom-com whereby the fat affable loser wins the girl or the dorky/nerdy girl gets a makeover and attracts the attention of the captain of the football team simply do not happen in real life.

OkCupid had an article a while back based; 67% of men were contacting 33% of women and women judged 80% of men below average in looks (statistically speaking it should be 50%, and curiously, that's exactly what it was for men judging women).

As a guy, IMO, both sexes are bad at their overestimation but men are a bit worse.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #9  July 18,2011, 6:15am
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what I also find interesting is the reverse - just got such an email last night - guys who contact me to ask how someone who is attractive, as they are saying I am, is dating online and single.

I find that to be a very odd question. I'm not sure what the answer is they're looking for!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  July 18,2011, 6:18am
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wrote :
the particular guy in question, the one that led me to think about attractiveness REALLY playing a role - was a bartender for 20 years, and had no shortage of women to date...
hmmm..
lessee...what could it be??...


yeeeah...thinking....
 
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