Is online dating just for the good-looking people?


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Mr_Cutlass is offline Mr_Cutlass Post #21  July 18,2011, 7:45am
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mitchell175 wrote :
People make that argument all the time how someone "becomes more attractive" when you get to know them. I disagree with this. However, I definitely believe that in real life, the people you find "attractive" are not always the "classically attractive" people. It's not that they "suddenly" become attractive to you when they were not before. It's just that you see something in them that perhaps others do not.
Yes and no.

I do agree with you that in person, you have the ability to perceive a more comprehensive idea of who the person actually is, compared to just online. Obviously this gives you a chance to draw some conclusions that would otherwise be difficult or impossible online. Online, things can seem a bit piecemeal.

However, I disagree with your other point. I have been in situations where people have grown on me. I have met people before who I thought at the time were just ok. However, after getting to know them over a period of time, I become very attracted to them. I think this happenes to a lot of other people as well.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #22  July 18,2011, 7:49am
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both of my ex-husbands were men I wasn't attracted to initially, but who I got to know at work, and, after several months, found incredibly attractive. I didn't ever find them repugnant, by any means, but they weren't classically handsome. but then, as I got to know them and their personalities and other traits, I found them immensely appealing.

so my experience has been that less attractive people do become more attractive if they have other personality traits to balance out their looks. but you don't see those when dating online, because you only see their photos before often making a yes or not "do I meet them" decision.
 
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maffif is offline maffif Post #23  July 18,2011, 7:57am
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Mr_Cutlass wrote :
Yes and no.

However, I disagree with your other point. I have been in situations where people have grown on me. I have met people before who I thought at the time were just ok. However, after getting to know them over a period of time, I become very attracted to them. I think this happenes to a lot of other people as well.
I agree with this and have had this happen to me, too. A person has become more attractive to me as I got to know that person, both IRL and online.

I have a friend who met her husband on EH and I wouldn't say that either one is considered good looking. But, they are extremely happy with each other. It worked for them.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #24  July 18,2011, 8:18am
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Raw_Truth wrote :
As to the photo thing, absolutely men are terrible at taking/posing for/choosing photos. The only cure is to hire a professional photographer to get it done right.
...
True that. It took a lot of advice to select/fix a photo of myself in "Using EH forum". What I started with, and what I ended up with were quite different as far as appeal goes.

Thanks again to all responders.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #25  July 18,2011, 10:14am
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Well look at the actual "environment" of a dating website. It's like you're all packaged and set up on a store shelf like a long lineup of Barbies and Kens. All anyone sees at first is your head showing through the little window at the front of the box. The writing on your profile is like the writing on the box.

What happens after someone selects a doll is what sets one site apart from another--and my analogy also completely falls apart at that point. But the initial display of your product is pretty much the same everywhere.

What shows through the window on your box matters a lot. You only get that one chance to show people you'd be fun to play with.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #26  July 18,2011, 10:28am
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maffif wrote :
I have a friend who met her husband on EH and I wouldn't say that either one is considered good looking. But, they are extremely happy with each other. It worked for them.
This just illustrates my point. You don't think they are attractive, but you don't know if they think the other is attractive - to them.

I will have to take everyone's word that they have experienced people who they initially found unattractive to be attractive once they got to know them. I have never experienced that. However, I agree that sometimes people can become "more attractive", even when you initially found them "less attractive". But, still attractive.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #27  July 18,2011, 10:53am
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mitchell175 wrote :
...

I will have to take everyone's word that they have experienced people who they initially found unattractive to be attractive once they got to know them. I have never experienced that. However, I agree that sometimes people can become "more attractive", even when you initially found them "less attractive". But, still attractive.
I agree, I have not gone from unattractive to be attractive once I got to know someone. The old adage that "You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear" applies even today.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #28  July 18,2011, 11:03am
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mitchell175 wrote :
This just illustrates my point. You don't think they are attractive, but you don't know if they think the other is attractive - to them.

I will have to take everyone's word that they have experienced people who they initially found unattractive to be attractive once they got to know them. I have never experienced that. However, I agree that sometimes people can become "more attractive", even when you initially found them "less attractive". But, still attractive.
If you're using unattractive as a pc term for repulsive, I'd agree with what you're saying. But, there have been women for whom I felt no attraction for a long time, but, that eventually changed.

This kind of thing is different for different people though. For some people, maybe really is more accurately a no. For some people, maybe really is a maybe.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #29  July 18,2011, 11:11am
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tweet37 wrote :
Face it scully, initially, it's THE thing that gets someone's attention, male or female. Whenever someone mentions a match the have, the first qualifier they refer to is their looks.

And the silliest cliche that women say is 'men are visual creatures'. The reality is women are just as visual.

As far as on-line dating being just for good-looking people, let's just say that they probably are more successful initially, but most people know that it takes more than looks. The second thing people mention is their job (ie: money).
TheThinker wrote :
Werd...to the 'nth degree.

Most people look better in person, at least that has been my experience, so I am always willing to forgive the occasional bad snapshot...(I don't "photograph" well, at all)

Those that photograph well, and have decent profiles(doesn't have to be great)will get to the meeting...
What happens after that, like tweet said, usually evens out...over time.
In instances like your friend's profile, he might want to invest in some professional photos, taken outside...because it's usually all about proper lighting.

Clothes..proper fit, stylish.. obviously help, too, to tone down the "dork factor", especially.
I have nothing to say. My work here has been done.

Atrractive people, especially those who photograph well AND write well, have more online opportunities. What we do with those opportunities doesn't change very much.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #30  July 18,2011, 11:12am
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dmi wrote :
If you're using unattractive as a pc term for repulsive, I'd agree with what you're saying. But, there have been women for whom I felt no attraction for a long time, but, that eventually changed.

This kind of thing is different for different people though. For some people, maybe really is more accurately a no. For some people, maybe really is a maybe.
I thought my ex was unattractive when I met him, but he was a nice guy so we became friends. After I went through a really rough time and he was an amazing source of support I began to find him attractive. Since we are now divorced that might not be the greatest example to use, but sometimes the way people act have enhanced their level of attractiveness to me significantly. On a dating site, I don't think I would have either responded or contacted him, unless his profile was incredibly eloquent. (Maybe he wouldn't have been interested in me either.) Online dating sites probably do work better for good looking people, but I think that they work at least a little for everyone who keeps trying.
 
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