No first date sparks? Here's a strong case for the 2nd date...


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  July 6,2011, 3:24pm
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Admittedly not a huge sample size but interesting how many of the respondents didn't feel it at first, gave it another chance, and BAM -- their less-than-exciting first date turned out to be their ONE.

Thoughts?

Does reading this make you re-think your approach to this dating scenario?

I have to admit, it does me...
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #2  July 6,2011, 3:32pm
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It doesn't change anything for me Lori. But I wasn't looking for a fantasyland-instant chemistry-fireworks-be-all-end-all first date. Maybe it's an age thing, I dunno. To me it goes without saying that it takes at least a few meetings or dates to find out if the potential is real. If there is an instant connection, then all the better. Great even. But I think too many people read too many dime store romance novels.
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #3  July 6,2011, 4:56pm
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It doesn't change my approach either, because I've never believed in instant chemistry. I'm the type of person that typically takes a little while to warm up to someone new. Unless there are obvious dealbreakers, I will usually date a woman 2-3 times before making the determination that she isn't right for me.
 
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Icanhasadvice is offline Icanhasadvice Post #4  July 6,2011, 5:08pm
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I've had what I perceived to be instant chemistry in the past, but most times it ended badly anyways! Now that I'm older, my approach is to give the person at least a couple dates before ruling them out. I think sparks and fireworks are great, but often I think they cloud your judgement in the beginning and blindside you to any red flags!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  July 6,2011, 9:53pm
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I have said on this board numerous times...if on the first date you have a good conversation with your date and their are no obvious red flags that are within reason....then you should have a second date...especially if this was the first time you saw each other face to face either through online sites or a blind date set-up.
 
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boomer_gal is offline boomer_gal Post #6  July 7,2011, 1:31am
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My sample size is small, as I have only been dating about 9 months, but I will give it up to 3 or 4 dates to see what transpires. I have to say, though,so far my experience has been if I didn't feel at least a bit of a spark on the first date, it hasn't developed over time.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #7  July 7,2011, 9:19am
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I HOPE most people take thos comments to heart ~ it's been what I've tried to communicate numerous times around here.

It's funny... everybody who ever posts states how much tey DON'T want to be judged ~ yet so many peopel turn around and judge others to the point of turning somebody away after just 1 date.

Pretty hypocritical isn't it?

Richey
 
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dcs930 is offline dcs930 Post #8  July 7,2011, 9:50am
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Doesn't have to be instant chemistry for me. I will usually sense if there's sparks (or lack there of) by the second date. It's a definite incentive to have them for the first date, though!
With that saying, I have gone on amazing dates, and he ended up not being the one.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  July 7,2011, 4:40pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Check it out:

Any Success Couples... | Facebook

Admittedly not a huge sample size but interesting how many of the respondents didn't feel it at first, gave it another chance, and BAM -- their less-than-exciting first date turned out to be their ONE.
Thoughts?
Does reading this make you re-think your approach to this dating scenario?
When I first read this post, and viewed some of the FB comments, all it did was make me second guess myself. So far, all of my online dates have been "one-and-done". I started to think that I should have gone out on more than one date with these guys.

Then I read this post:

ami1uwant wrote :
I have said on this board numerous times...if on the first date you have a good conversation with your date and their are no obvious red flags that are within reason....then you should have a second date...especially if this was the first time you saw each other face to face either through online sites or a blind date set-up.
And I realized that almost none of those dates had good conversation and/or a lack or red flags. So, now I feel like it would have been pointless to have a second date with any of those guys.

But, it does make me think that if I do have a date in the future that was "OK", if not "great", then I can give that guy a second chance... if he wants to give me a second chance.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #10  July 7,2011, 5:08pm
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I don't have to read anything to know that for me there is never a big spark on the first date. It always, always, comes on the second date for me. And when there's a spark - it's usually a huge spark!
 
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