Hello,


I've been on e-harmony for a few years now (with breaks at different times) because I truly believe in their system. I have tried all of the other major sites and NO ONE ever communicated with me from those, but I do tend to get quite a bit of communication with EH.


I've met some great men who had some potential to be "the one", but were not quite "the one". I have done a lot of work of defining who I am and what I am looking for. Also, in my line of work, I have completed several personality inventories as well as inventories for conflict managment, etc. In other words, I truly do know myself very well and what I am looking for.


Recently, I had a wonderful match and the beginning of a great relationship. We were in OC within 4 days, talking on the phone within two weeks (every night for 2-3 hours) and met one month after being matched. That date was truly one of the best I have ever been on. There was just a brief hint of awkwardness at the first moment of meeting and then it was back to how things felt on our phone dates. We had spoken twelve times (about 30 hours total) and covered all kinds of topics. We talked about family, politics, social justice issues, faith and theology, hopes and dreams, what we are looking for, hobbies, jobs, even some personal stories, etc. We were in sync on all the important items and compatible on the others.


We spent 11 hours together that first day. It seemed like about three! We had lunch (which was the plan) and then talked for about three hours. Then he asked if I wanted to join him at a local festival for the evening. We talked most of that time, had dinner, looked at exhibits, listened to the music, etc. He even sought out some friends of his he knew would be there and introduced us.


Every signal he gave was that he was interested and wanted to see me again. In fact, we had already made arrangements to meet again. He kept saying it was too far away in time. (It was about three weeks down the road. I am out of state for a TEMP job and home for the weekend for an interview.) I'd be home again for the 4th and the following week. My TEMP job also ends in the next 4-8 weeks. He knew from the first e-mail that I was out of state through July or August. He even kissed me several times during our date. It was not a typical "first date" since we had "dated" so often on the phone before we met.


He called the next morning to make sure we were okay since a major storm had moved through the area. We both commented on how much we enjoyed our time together. He also called me later that night as I was driving back to my TEMP job.


The next evening he called when he normally did and told me that he didn't want to see my anymore. He didn't think the long distance would work. That didn't make sense to me since he knew I was going to be back in the area in two weeks for a week and then permanently after that in 4-6 weeks. I told him I felt that there was something he wasn't telling me and he eventually shared with me that a former girlfriend who broke up with him and just wanted to be friends had called him that weekend and wanted to get back together. He said, "We have very little in common and are complete opposites. I think my feelings for her might be stronger. I know I could be making the biggest mistake of my life and I don't expect you to be waiting for me when I come crawling back." He said the part about making the biggest mistake of his life three times.


What do you make of this? Did he freak out? Was it feeling too "right" to him and he got scared? I'm hurt because he wasn't willing to give the potential of our relationship another chance with at least meeting again to see how he felt after two face-to-face meetings. Guys, is this a common thing?


I am very confused, because what was starting was great and we did seem like the "perfect match" for each other. So far, he was the most "the one" I had met and I was excited to continue learning more about him to see if it continued that way.


I'd appreciate any insight.


Thanks,


Lottie

Hello,


I've been on e-harmony for a few years now (with breaks at different times) because I truly believe in their system. I have tried all of the other major sites and NO ONE ever communicated with me from those, but I do tend to get quite a bit of communication with EH.


I've met some great men who had some potential to be "the one", but were not quite "the one". I have done a lot of work of defining who I am and what I am looking for. Also, in my line of work, I have completed several personality inventories as well as inventories for conflict managment, etc. In other words, I truly do know myself very well and what I am looking for.


Recently, I had a wonderful match and the beginning of a great relationship. We were in OC within 4 days, talking on the phone within two weeks (every night for 2-3 hours) and met one month after being matched. That date was truly one of the best I have ever been on. There was just a brief hint of awkwardness at the first moment of meeting and then it was back to how things felt on our phone dates. We had spoken twelve times (about 30 hours total) and covered all kinds of topics. We talked about family, politics, social justice issues, faith and theology, hopes and dreams, what we are looking for, hobbies, jobs, even some personal stories, etc. We were in sync on all the important items and compatible on the others.


We spent 11 hours together that first day. It seemed like about three! We had lunch (which was the plan) and then talked for about three hours. Then he asked if I wanted to join him at a local festival for the evening. We talked most of that time, had dinner, looked at exhibits, listened to the music, etc. He even sought out some friends of his he knew would be there and introduced us.


Every signal he gave was that he was interested and wanted to see me again. In fact, we had already made arrangements to meet again. He kept saying it was too far away in time. (It was about three weeks down the road. I am out of state for a TEMP job and home for the weekend for an interview.) I'd be home again for the 4th and the following week. My TEMP job also ends in the next 4-8 weeks. He knew from the first e-mail that I was out of state through July or August. He even kissed me several times during our date. It was not a typical "first date" since we had "dated" so often on the phone before we met.


He called the next morning to make sure we were okay since a major storm had moved through the area. We both commented on how much we enjoyed our time together. He also called me later that night as I was driving back to my TEMP job.


The next evening he called when he normally did and told me that he didn't want to see my anymore. He didn't think the long distance would work. That didn't make sense to me since he knew I was going to be back in the area in two weeks for a week and then permanently after that in 4-6 weeks. I told him I felt that there was something he wasn't telling me and he eventually shared with me that a former girlfriend who broke up with him and just wanted to be friends had called him that weekend and wanted to get back together. He said, "We have very little in common and are complete opposites. I think my feelings for her might be stronger. I know I could be making the biggest mistake of my life and I don't expect you to be waiting for me when I come crawling back." He said the part about making the biggest mistake of his life three times.


What do you make of this? Did he freak out? Was it feeling too "right" to him and he got scared? I'm hurt because he wasn't willing to give the potential of our relationship another chance with at least meeting again to see how he felt after two face-to-face meetings. Guys, is this a common thing?


I am very confused, because what was starting was great and we did seem like the "perfect match" for each other. So far, he was the most "the one" I had met and I was excited to continue learning more about him to see if it continued that way.


I'd appreciate any insight.


Thanks,


Lottie