Voyager2008 is offline Voyager2008 Post #1  June 26,2008, 7:14am
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I am looking for advice on how to find a Christian. I am approached by a lot of men (I'm told that I'm attractive, well-traveled), but they are mainly not Christians. I'm not judgmental at all and hate it when people judge others, but it is just that I am looking for someone who shares my values. I have been trying to find a Christian man online, at church, at bible studies but I can't find the right person. I get a lot of responses on Christian dating sites from people who don't match my profile (eg. 20-30 years older than me, or want children (I do not)). Does anyone have any advice? Thanks.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #2  June 26,2008, 2:59pm
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Dear Boyager2008,


Gosh, it does seem you're doing everything you can possibly be doing.


You mentioned looking online which may or may not include eHarmony. If you are a subscriber to eHarmony, you can set your age range and how firm you are on that particular issue.


You can also set that you do not want children.


Now, the way eHarmony advises a person is to correspond with EVERY single match even if it doesn't seem like a possibility as one never does really know. They're the love experts and you are paying for their advice included in your membership.


You may try that and see how it works for you. Sometimes, I've had matches that seemed so promising that fizzled out, and another not as promising as he was an American missionary in the Philippines teaching at a Christian college there! Yet he's one that I almost married.


I had another match four hours away and we didn't meet until 8 1/2 months after we were matched, but when we did, it was wonderful and we had mutual attraction plus a really good start to a friendship that continues to this day. We courted for 2 1/2 years and I seriously considered marrying him.


Again, you never know so perhaps you might change the way you're doing eHarmony if you're a member. If not, you may want to consider subscribing and they do recommend a year. You can call them and ask what specials they're running as they sometimes do have unadvertised specials like most places do.


Their number is: 1-800-648-9548.


Welcome to these eHarmony Advice boards and I hope your experience here is pleasant. You'll find it's a microcosm of the world around you.


JavaJava5
 
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irishbrian is offline irishbrian Post #3  June 26,2008, 4:06pm
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Are Catholics Christian?


I get this all the time...considering that I'm a devout Catholic.
 
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jordan614 is offline jordan614 Post #4  June 26,2008, 4:46pm
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irishbrian,152765 wrote :

Are Catholics Christian?


I get this all the time...considering that I'm a devout Catholic.
I recall a conversation between one of my children and a next-door neighbor's child many years ago. No idea how they got to talking about church, but when my son mentioned that we are Catholic, the other child responded with "we're Christian." Granted, it was from a child, but it's not unusual even for adults to believe that Catholicism is not a Christian faith. Perhaps it stems from our teaching that we cannot be saved until our life is complete, and therefore you won't find any born-again Catholics, not the "regular" Catholics anyway (there's always an offshoot).


My thoughts to the OP are that perhaps you are looking for someone who follows your exact interpretation of Christianity, and there are so many variations, that might be difficult. I have to ask though, what does it matter whether someone is a Christian, Budhist, Muslim, Agnostic, Atheist, etc. etc. if he treats you like a queen, keeps you entertained, shows you the greatest respect,is kind andthoughtful to others, shares many common interests, and loves you beyond imagination?Might I suggest that "Christians" are not the only people who are granted favor upon death, or is that too radical an idea for you?
 
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ampy1961 is offline ampy1961 Post #5  June 26,2008, 5:12pm
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Voyager,


I understand exactly how you feel! I'm sure you already pray about it. Pour your heart out to Him and let Him know your desires. Yes, He is already aware, but He likes to be talked to, too! (We inherited that from Him!) [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]Then it's time to do what you can, and havebeen doing, and then leave it in God's hands. You might also make sure you are as "ready" as you can be for a relationship by being in touch with your "own stuff." We all have faults, misconceptions, attitudes, etc., that can benefit from another perspective. Talk to your friends, a pastor, a couselor, whoever. Pray and ask God what areas in your life He wants to heal and "remodel" before you begin this new phase of your life.


A side comment to Jordan614: I don't think it's a matter of whether or not someone is going to be "granted favor upon death" (I assume you mean "Heaven?") that one considers when looking for a lifemate, but the things you have in common here on Earth. Why is it okay to say you are looking for someone who lives an active lifestyle, or who wants children, or who wants to travel, or any of a number of other things, but not okay to look for someone who shares one's religious beliefs? Too many people assume it's some sort of a discrimination thing. To me, it's about wanting someone to pray with me, someone who sees things from the same viewpoint, or someone who also believes that a Higher Power is in control. Maybethere are just so many stories about judgemental Christians that some people don't believe there is any other kind. (?) That's too bad.
 
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jordan614 is offline jordan614 Post #6  June 26,2008, 5:58pm
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ampy1961,152843 wrote :

Voyager,


I understand exactly how you feel! I'm sure you already pray about it. Pour your heart out to Him and let Him know your desires. Yes, He is already aware, but He likes to be talked to, too! (We inherited that from Him!) [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]Then it's time to do what you can, and havebeen doing, and then leave it in God's hands. You might also make sure you are as "ready" as you can be for a relationship by being in touch with your "own stuff." We all have faults, misconceptions, attitudes, etc., that can benefit from another perspective. Talk to your friends, a pastor, a couselor, whoever. Pray and ask God what areas in your life He wants to heal and "remodel" before you begin this new phase of your life.


A side comment to Jordan614: I don't think it's a matter of whether or not someone is going to be "granted favor upon death" (I assume you mean "Heaven?") that one considers when looking for a lifemate, but the things you have in common here on Earth. Why is it okay to say you are looking for someone who lives an active lifestyle, or who wants children, or who wants to travel, or any of a number of other things, but not okay to look for someone who shares one's religious beliefs? Too many people assume it's some sort of a discrimination thing. To me, it's about wanting someone to pray with me, someone who sees things from the same viewpoint, or someone who also believes that a Higher Power is in control. Maybethere are just so many stories about judgemental Christians that some people don't believe there is any other kind. (?) That's too bad.
Why do people on these boards constantly put words in other people's mouths? I never said it wasn't ok to search for whomever you want, but in my experience, those who label themselves as "Christians" have a very narrow view of what Christianity is. Thus, one who is seeking a "Christian" may be bypassing some very good people simply because they don't fall within their narrow range. As Irish said above, would she consider a Catholic, and I'll extend that to Episcopalian and Lutheran as well? Only the OP knows.And my other point was that not being a "Christian" doe not automatically exclude one from exhibiting all of the traits that someone seeking a "Christian" is looking for, even perhaps right down to their thoughts on prayer. One doesn't have to believe in Jesus to believe in and pray to God.


And it's not storiesabout judgemental Christians that turn people, it's experience.
 
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Voyager2008 is offline Voyager2008 Post #7  June 27,2008, 2:04am
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Dear Jordan614 - in fact, I am a Catholic and am fully in agreement with Irish Brian (I too get tired of being asked whether I am a Christian). To answer your question, I would DEFINITELY consider a Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran or any other Christian faith (Baptist, Anglican, etc). My sole criteria is seeking someone who shares the same view of Jesus as our savior. And, I am only too well aware of how people say they are "Christian" but do not practice Christian values. I have made many mistakes along life's journey, done things that don't live up to the Gospels, but have given them over to God and am back on the road with Him. No one has the right to judge others, but I do believe we have the right to seek a relationship with those who share the same values. Voyager
 
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MagyarSHU is offline MagyarSHU Post #8  June 27,2008, 9:15am
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One may or may not find a Christian in church, but I can guarantee you'll find one out in the world doing the work of God: clothing the naked, housing the homeless, feeding the hungry, healing the sick, visiting the lonely, etc.


>>Are Catholics Christian?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  June 27,2008, 9:46am
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irishbrian,152765 wrote :

Are Catholics Christian?


I get this all the time...considering that I'm a devout Catholic.
Last time I checked Catholics were Christians.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 27,2008, 9:56am
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Voyager2008, wrote :

I am looking for advice on how to find a Christian. I am approached by a lot of men (I'm told that I'm attractive, well-traveled), but they are mainly not Christians. I'm not judgmental at all and hate it when people judge others, but it is just that I am looking for someone who shares my values. I have been trying to find a Christian man online, at church, at bible studies but I can't find the right person. I get a lot of responses on Christian dating sites from people who don't match my profile (eg. 20-30 years older than me, or want children (I do not)). Does anyone have any advice? Thanks.
On eHarmony and the other dating sites you can choose the religious preference of your match and select how important it is to you. I believe that eHarmony will allow you to select which denominations you will accept you match to be. To the best of my observations these screens do work as I am a Christian and I all except one of my eHarmony matches have bee Christian. If you restrict your acceptance to one particular denomination and/or won't respect the particular interpretation and beliefs of possible matches you are limiting your possible matches. In which case I would suspect that the only place you are likely to find a suitable match is in your own church.


Hope this helps.
 
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