Women: Are You Too Independent?

Women: Are You Too Independent?

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Women: Are You Too Independent?


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GardenerGal is offline GardenerGal Post #1  June 25,2011, 9:48pm
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I think this is pretty on the mark...as someone who is naturally independent, then found themselves having to be that way (married turned single) can attest...you do have to do everything yourself, but it's a challenge once you find someone to also then find time/space/place for someone.   I think it is a good reminder that to get a ways in a relationship, you have to make time, once you're beyond the first few dates and seeing someone more seriously.
 
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Trixie1968 is offline Trixie1968 Post #2  June 26,2011, 11:33am

well, well, well.

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This really chafes me.

Another eHa article suggesting that women should manipulate their way into a relationship by playing a pretending-to-be-less-than-I-am game. At the same time it also manages to insult men because it assumes they're so stupid they'll fall for girlish ploys.

Seriously?

I don't have a man; so should I let my house fall into disrepair, run my car into the ground and mismanage my finances in the hope of attracting one?

Ridiculous.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #3  June 26,2011, 11:43am
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How about I'll continue to do all the independent stuff that I enjoy and you (the poor guy that has hitched his wagon to my star) can do all the independent stuff that I hate, like you can take out the trash and remember the recycling. And you can clean out the cellar and cart all that stuff to the dump (I want to come to the dump though cause I love the dump). And you can get up real early and snowblow the driveway for me when I have to go to work. I'm not too fond of vacuuming, or dishwashing, or laundry either. Yes, I think we can make this work. But I didn't read the article so maybe I'm way off the mark.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  June 26,2011, 11:50am
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I could use somebody to fetch me a Beer!
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #5  June 26,2011, 11:52am
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I see it as delegation, not some sort of admission of incompetence or weakness or laziness. For example, I know how to put a spare on my car, but if my man is in the car with me when a tire goes flat, he does the job and I assist. This actually just happened a the day before yesterday.

He's in charge of that because he's faster at it and it makes him feel all proud to have saved us. Not because I couldn't if I had to (well, actually I might just call roadside assistance, but if that weren't available for some reason I could still do it). It makes both of us really happy that I don't always have to.

No one has to be offended. That's a choice. At work, certain people do certain jobs, and no one takes it as an insult to their competence that they aren't called on to do everything.

Male or female, you gotta make room for another person. Both people need to feel they are valuable and are welcome to contribute. If you choose to remain completely self sufficient when there's someone else right there ready and eager to help you, that's shutting them out. Telling someone they're not needed isn't much different than telling them to go away.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #6  June 26,2011, 12:12pm
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To relate it to dating and attracting a man: Let's say you need to fix part of the fence on your property. You've been seeing a man for a while and really like him. So ask him to come over and help you with it. Provide lemonade or something stronger for both of you and pop for a pizza afterward as thanks. From what I can tell, that's all the article is really talking about.

If instead you told him you're too busy to see him this weekend because you need to fix your fence, that'd send him the message that you're happy living your life without him in it day to day. And if his response were to offer to come over and help, and you turned him down, that'd be a pretty big rejection of him and his abilities.
 
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Trixie1968 is offline Trixie1968 Post #7  June 26,2011, 2:35pm

well, well, well.

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Ephemera wrote :
How about I'll continue to do all the independent stuff that I enjoy and you (the poor guy that has hitched his wagon to my star) can do all the independent stuff that I hate, like you can take out the trash and remember the recycling. And you can clean out the cellar and cart all that stuff to the dump (I want to come to the dump though cause I love the dump). And you can get up real early and snowblow the driveway for me when I have to go to work. I'm not too fond of vacuuming, or dishwashing, or laundry either. Yes, I think we can make this work. But I didn't read the article so maybe I'm way off the mark.
You're not that far off the mark. It reminds me of my idle musing that it must be really easy to get your house work done if you're a dominatrix. Do that ironing. Wash those pots. Then I'll whip you. Why don't we all own leather basques?
 
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Trixie1968 is offline Trixie1968 Post #8  June 26,2011, 2:39pm

well, well, well.

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HelenDanger wrote :
To relate it to dating and attracting a man: Let's say you need to fix part of the fence on your property. You've been seeing a man for a while and really like him. So ask him to come over and help you with it. Provide lemonade or something stronger for both of you and pop for a pizza afterward as thanks. From what I can tell, that's all the article is really talking about.

If instead you told him you're too busy to see him this weekend because you need to fix your fence, that'd send him the message that you're happy living your life without him in it day to day. And if his response were to offer to come over and help, and you turned him down, that'd be a pretty big rejection of him and his abilities.
Oh Helen, listen to yourself! You've been married too long, you're out of touch with singledom.

So we've got to find a man, date him a while, get him to agree to fix something, let him fix it, gaze at him admiring whilst he fixes it, all feel better about our traditional gender roles. Probably get proposed to?!

Do we do the same if a plumber man comes to fix the washing machine? Cos I've seen that film and in all honesty, I didn't think it was that romantic.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  June 26,2011, 2:45pm
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Where's my Beer, dangit?!
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  June 26,2011, 2:45pm
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Speaking of...Yesterday I figured out that one of my toilets needed a new flush valve. So I drove up to Lowe's...bought one, came home, drained the tank, took out the old one, read all the instructions and put in the new one...All is working well Patting self on back and does it count that my dog looked adoringly in my eyes while I poured myself a nice glass of wine?...LOL
 
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