Getting physical too soon?


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rainbowunicorn is offline rainbowunicorn Post #1  May 27,2011, 1:04am
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I am wondering if it is a general thought among men that women who want to engage in physical activity soon into dating are not worthy of a relationship? Not necessarily having sex, but moving beyond a short kiss and a hug. However shallow it may make me sound, sex is high on my list of priorities for a mate. I could spend months getting to know someone, but if the attraction is not there, I will not want to continue, so why wait long? How do you feel about this? Am I wrong, or should I contain myself longer in order to find a good mate? I hate to think that I cannot be true to myself, my needs and wants for fear of men not wanting to bother getting to know me better. Any opinions on this matter are appreciated.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #2  May 27,2011, 3:11am
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I have seen other women post things like this also. Some really seem to believe it is true. But, I have never in my life heard a man say, "Gee, I kind of liked her, but we had sex on the second date, so there is no way I want her as a girlfriend." To me that notion is non-sense.

It is true that a man might be already thinking that this girl is not long term material, but he sleeps with her anyway. But, I have never known a man to think of it as a turn off.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  May 27,2011, 4:55am
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I am the odd one on these boards and would reject you for this.
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #4  May 27,2011, 5:06am
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Are you asking, "will men think I'm loose if we have sex too early?"
The answer is yes, some will. The real question is, do you want to date men who think that?

The second thing to consider, as Savman pointed out, that a guy can already not want a relationship with you, but have sex with you anyways. I think most women find sex an intensely emotional experience, and if you are one of those, I'd think you'd be opening yourself up to some painful experiences.

This isn't to say you shouldn't do it early, but I don't think you should push it early, or allow it to be pushed. I would have sex with a woman on a first date if we really connected right off the bat, and not think less of her for it.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #5  May 27,2011, 5:10am
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savman wrote :
It is true that a man might be already thinking that this girl is not long term material, but he sleeps with her anyway
That's actually the most useful and horrifying lesson I've learned on this site. Apparently men will even sleep with women they find repulsive. Dating is rough. I don't see how anyone can do it for very long without becoming cynical.
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #6  May 27,2011, 5:22am
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Ok you've learned that mean are jerks and want sex. True. There's a lot of pain that can come from dating:
being taken for a ride from a "use her and lose her" type guy; falling for someone who doesn't like you; getting too involved with someone too quick, possibly even marriage after a few months, only to find out you hate each other; being stood up; etc.

But you remember the goal is to find that one special person in your life and fall in love and be happy and have tons of little kids and a white picket fence, right? Is that worth the heartbreak? My philosophy: embrace the pain, embrace the disappointment, because it will be worth it.

This is not to say open yourself up too early and get played by these PUAs, but don't let them color your view of dating.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #7  May 27,2011, 5:24am
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Rainbowunicorn, I feel you!

There are definitely some men that will think less of you for being intimate in a timeframe that they feel is too soon. In my experience, these tend to be some of the same men that view dating overall as a bartering experience (ie the more they do, the more they expect you to do).

There are plenty of men out there that will not see it as a negative though and if they already like you, it would not hurt your chances for developing a relationship.

The trick is finding out which guy is which early on! But really, if a guy decides you aren't relationship material because you guys were intimate 'too soon', and you were fine with the timeframe, then no one has lost anything because you guys really weren't compatible.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #8  May 27,2011, 5:45am
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harnomygirl wrote :
That's actually the most useful and horrifying lesson I've learned on this site. Apparently men will even sleep with women they find repulsive. Dating is rough. I don't see how anyone can do it for very long without becoming cynical.
A man might view someone as not long term dating material - this doesn't necessarily mean he views her as "repulsive".

Also... there are women who will sleep with men even though they know the man isn't long term relationship material.

This doesn't necessarily make them bad people. Unless of course they have mislead the person they have had sex with in order to get sex.
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; May 27,2011 at 5:49am.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #9  May 27,2011, 5:49am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I am the odd one on these boards and would reject you for this.

Me too. Kissing/petting after a few dates is cool but sex on the first or second date would prevent me from wanting a relationship with her. I'd wonder how many other guys she bangs after just meeting them.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #10  May 27,2011, 5:54am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
A man might view someone as not long term dating material - this doesn't necessarily mean he views her as "repulsive".
I was thinking of a specific anecdote on the boards where the man said he was repulsed after she took her clothes off and went through with it anyway.

If I were the OP I would just go with the timing that felt right to me and hope I was with a man who felt strongly enough for it to work for him too. I agree with FairOne.
 
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