Would You Contact A Match On Another Site?


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brokensmile76 is offline brokensmile76 Post #1  May 6,2011, 8:17am
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I had a match come up about 1 week into my subscription (which was 3 weeks ago). I sent him questions and to this day he has never logged in to view me so he is still stuck in the communicating box. I nudged him a few days ago and still nothing.

Yesterday, I was browsing on POF (which I hate and deleted my account a few months ago) and saw him. It also showed he was on earlier that day so he is active on it. Should I create an account just to send him a message? The reason why I have to ask this is because I don't want to look like a stalker hunting him down on other sites (which I wasn't. I was merely browsing and there he popped up).

The one thing I know is that at least seeing him on eHarmony communicates to me that he is not the typical POF guy because he is looking for more long-term.

So would you create an account to contact him?
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #2  May 6,2011, 9:03am
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I wouldn't assume his membership of EH means he is looking for long term. He may have just tried a lot of sites.

POF is a free site. If it was me, I wouldn't bother.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  May 6,2011, 9:11am
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There is three parts to your question:
1) Your match is probably not a paying member on eHarmony and that is why he has not responded.

2) I would not have any problem contacting someone who I had been matched to on two (or more) different sites. Many people who use online dating sites create profiles on more than one site. When the sites are pay sites they may not be paying members on but one site, though. I used to see a lot of my matches from Match on the old Yahoo! Personals site. It is only recently that I have been seeing matches from Match or any other site show up on eHarmony, and even now it is still fairly rare.

3) The second part is that I have a similar view to what you seem to have of POF, though mine is stronger. I would not contact anyone on POF. While I don't even go browsing on POF if I was to find someone that was a match on eHarmony on POF and s/he seemed to be actively using POF that would be enough to cause me to close them.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  May 6,2011, 9:11am
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I wonder if he is no longer a subscriber to EH and didnt turn off his matching.
What could it hurt to contact him? Forget the stalker stuff it doesnt sound like he knows you exist if he never saw your profile. Why not give it a chance?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  May 6,2011, 9:22am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I wouldn't assume his membership of EH means he is looking for long term.
I sort of agree and disagree with this. eHarmony whole advertising thrust is that it is a relationship site and not a "dating". Now if someone has created a minimal profile on eHarmony then this could well be an indication that they saw the ads to create a free profile and see your matches and was not very interested in actually using eHarmony to find a relationship and when they found out that unless you pay you can't see photos were not even interested at all.

The flip side of this would be if someone had put no effort into an eHarmony profile but had put some effort into a POF profile that would tell me clearly what they are looking for.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #6  May 6,2011, 9:30am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
While I don't even go browsing on POF if I was to find someone that was a match on eHarmony on POF and s/he seemed to be actively using POF that would be enough to cause me to close them.
That is quite a strong view! Were the women you corresponded with and/or met from POF really that bad?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 6,2011, 9:53am
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FairOne wrote :
That is quite a strong view! Were the women you corresponded with and/or met from POF really that bad?
I created a (limited) profile on POF because a friend had just found out about it and suggested that maybe I should give it a try too. After creating a profile and browsing around a bit I quickly determined that it was a pick up site. It is frequented by "ladies of the evening", "biker babes" and other people whose lifestyle does not match my own. The friend who had told me about POF also quickly determined that she was not interested in pursuing any of the guys that she found on there either and came to the same conclusions that I had of the type of site it is. As for the guys that are on POF, from what I have been told, there are quite a few who are married and are looking for a fling. In my short time on POF browsing around I found no girls that I would touch even with your 10 foot pole.

While there have been a few posters on here that have said they have met great guys (don't remember any guys saying they had met any great girls) on POF and of course it may be that local to me POF attracts people that I would not care to know, even in a casual way, and in your location there are mostly upstanding citizens looking for serious long term relationships.

This is not to say that just because a dating site is free that there are not going to be people who are looking for a serious long term relationship and that have a higher level of values (class). I have been a marginally active member of OK Cupid for a year or two and I would rate OK Cupid to be a world apart from POF.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #8  May 6,2011, 10:02am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

While there have been a few posters on here that have said they have met great guys (don't remember any guys saying they had met any great girls) on POF

They probably had the patience and ability to deal with the not so savory ones. I know I didnt on OKcupid.
Tried twice and failed. O well, not a big deal to not have patience for those types.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  May 6,2011, 10:05am
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brokensmile76 wrote :
Yesterday, I was browsing on POF (which I hate and deleted my account a few months ago) and saw him. It also showed he was on earlier that day so he is active on it. Should I create an account just to send him a message? The reason why I have to ask this is because I don't want to look like a stalker hunting him down on other sites (which I wasn't. I was merely browsing and there he popped up).
I have not tried POF, but I have seen several of the same matches on both EH and OK Cupid. Especially with all of these free sites available now, I expect you will continue to see a lot of duplicate matches.

wrote :
The one thing I know is that at least seeing him on eHarmony communicates to me that he is not the typical POF guy because he is looking for more long-term.
Objection! Your Honor, on the grounds of hearsay. This would never hold up in any court of law. This is a totally erroneous assumption, which has no basis in fact. I would never assume anything about any match's seriousness based on which site he was active on.

wrote :
So would you create an account to contact him?
Sure, why not? POF is free, as you know, but remember you didn't like your last experience, so you will probably get more of the same. But, if you want to create a new profile to email this guy, go for it. Just be prepared to delete it again if you have the same experience as before.

The first online date I had was with a guy that had contacted me on EH, and got all the way through to OC, then sent me a couple of emails, and then vanished.

Then, a couple of weeks later, I put up a profile on OKC, and he literally contacted me there within hours "Hi, I recognize you from EH..." (Yeah, and you blew me off there, too....) I asked him about that and he said "Oh, yeah, I don't really like EH too much, so I hardly ever check it..." I think that happens to a lot of people.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #10  May 6,2011, 10:08am
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If he was actually serious about finding someone long term he'd pay for the eharmony services - especially after being alerted that someone is trying to communicate with them. I'd imagine a LOT of people sign up for eH and participate on the free weekends when they occur, but that's it. The quality of people between eH and POF is night and day so I'm not sure I'd actually attempt to contact him on POF. Some people say seeing the same person on multiple dating sites comes off as desperate. *shrug*
 
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