Dating a guy with a higher level of income...


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Rouge85 is offline Rouge85 Post #1  May 5,2011, 4:44pm
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Hey guys...this is my first post and I need your advice....I had a first date with a guy yesterday.....he seems like a great guy, very easy-going,we had chemistry...but here come into play my insecurities and demons..... I am 26 and he is 33.....that's great! But...I am an accountant and he is Director of Product Development... It's just that we are into 2 different career levels....I am sure than when I'll be 33, I'll be in a team lead position but I am just 26 right now and not at the pick of my career like him....do you think this is an important factor? Maybe the income is important for him... Should I discuss it with him...How should I approach it....It's not that I am insecure, it just doesn't feel comfortable that we are not in the same income bracket....
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #2  May 5,2011, 10:44pm
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Rouge85 wrote :
Should I discuss it with him...How should I approach it....It's not that I am insecure, it just doesn't feel comfortable that we are not in the same income bracket....
Personally, I would not bring up the subject of income. Talk about your career & let him make whatever inferences he wants to from it.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  May 6,2011, 3:48am
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It is much too soon in your relationship with him to be having these considerations. If and when you run into a problem (e.g. an expensive trip or social activity) then you might want to explain your financial limitations. Otherwise, it's about finding a compatible personality, not a compatible bank account.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  May 6,2011, 6:24am
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Dear Rouge, I doubt it's as important to him as it is to you. I have a high salary and my only income-related requirement is that my match have a "career" rather than a "job" and makes enough to support herself.

(In other words, I don't want a partner who's going to be a financial drain on me, who has zero ambition, or who hates their job.)
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  May 6,2011, 6:28am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Dear Rouge, I doubt it's as important to him as it is to you. I have a high salary and my only income-related requirement is that my match have a "career" rather than a "job" and makes enough to support herself.

(In other words, I don't want a partner who's going to be a financial drain on me, who has zero ambition, or who hates their job.)
Well said!
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #6  May 6,2011, 6:31am
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Well, I do think very different levels of income could be an important issue to discuss... MUCH LATER. Like, if you were about to get married or move in together or have been in a committed relationship for some time. It's way too soon to even think about this issue.

Financial issues are always important. But I don't think you need to worry about that right now. Whether or not he, as a person, is compatible with you is the most important question right now.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #7  May 6,2011, 6:43am
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Rouge85,
I agree with the others, I don't think you need to worry about it. I'd think it'd be clear due to your age difference that there is likely some income disparity, and I don't think it's a big deal. I think shapeshifter's view is a common one here!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 6,2011, 6:57am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Dear Rouge, I doubt it's as important to him as it is to you. I have a high salary and my only income-related requirement is that my match have a "career" rather than a "job" and makes enough to support herself.

(In other words, I don't want a partner who's going to be a financial drain on me, who has zero ambition, or who hates their job.)
This last part is the really important part to most people, both guys and girls.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 6,2011, 7:11am
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Rouge85 wrote :
Hey guys...this is my first post and I need your advice....I had a first date with a guy yesterday.....he seems like a great guy, very easy-going,we had chemistry...but here come into play my insecurities and demons..... I am 26 and he is 33.....that's great! But...I am an accountant and he is Director of Product Development... It's just that we are into 2 different career levels....I am sure than when I'll be 33, I'll be in a team lead position but I am just 26 right now and not at the pick of my career like him....do you think this is an important factor? Maybe the income is important for him... Should I discuss it with him...How should I approach it....It's not that I am insecure, it just doesn't feel comfortable that we are not in the same income bracket....
Welcome to eHarmony Adviece.

Reading this post I have to say that you are wrong, you are insecure. And you have your priorities all screwed up. Just being honest.

To most people how much their match / date earns is of little importance. I have never been asked how much money I make nor have I ever asked my match / date how much she makes. I have dated everyone from specialist medical doctors to unemployed. And quite frankly I would much rather date someone who made minimum wage and loved their job and greeted each day with enthusiasm to get to work than someone who made millions at a job they hated or someone who worked 16 hours a day 7 days a week to make millions.
 
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stagingbulb is offline stagingbulb Post #10  May 6,2011, 2:13pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Dear Rouge, I doubt it's as important to him as it is to you. I have a high salary and my only income-related requirement is that my match have a "career" rather than a "job" and makes enough to support herself.

(In other words, I don't want a partner who's going to be a financial drain on me, who has zero ambition, or who hates their job.)
Exactly. I have done pretty well for myself so I am much higher than most of my dates. I don't talk about it to them, let them make their own inferences. My criteria for a girl is she has a career and makes enough to support herself. This shows some kind of drive and ambition to me. The problem to this is the economy right now. It sucks and people are finding whatever work they can. So, while it's a criteria, I would rather buy someone a cup of coffee and find out than automatically assume.
 
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