Nope, it's not 'their loss'!

I usually read the whole thread before I comment, but I didn't this time around ....

I don't usually use this phrase, as it's kind of a cliche, but ---

I do, in fact, think that, most of the time, when someone rejects me, it is "her loss."

I think that I would be a great match for someone, and the fact that every woman I have ever been even slightly interested in has rejected me, I think is a great display of poor taste on their parts

And, yes, I do take rejection personally and I am frustrated by it, and it probably is, a coping mechanism, and I do think that, in many cases, someone is "wrong" to reject me. And I hate dating. (And I probably missed a couple of these ).

If someone writes in their profile, or in their list of MHCS, I want someone who is---a list of things---and I am every single thing on that list of things ....

And we go on one, maybe two dates, and suddenly she ignores me when I call or says "no chemistry."

Yeah. I take it personally.

It means that she makes a decision that even though "I am everything on her list"---I am such an inferior male specimen that she cannot imagine a world in which we would ever develop enough chemistry that she would want to kiss me or touch me, let alone have sex with me. Putting it pretty bluntly here---but the point is, how exactly are you not supposed to take that personally?

"You don't seem like such a bad guy, and if you were a dentist, I'd be happy to let you work on my teeth, but .... as man, as a member of the opposite sex and in terms of how you appeal to the opposite sex, which is probably the most important thing in the world to you --- you are boring, no fun, and not sexy enough."

But don't take it personally.

What exactly is it about rejection which isn't personal?

If I would say "their loss," I would say it, and believe it---literally, she was ultimately foolish to reject me.

There are a few people, who I thought were wise to reject me---like I was getting a feeling maybe she liked to drink or party more than I did, and it wouldn't work out, but I wasn't sure. That's reasonable enough. Or she was really into sports, and I'm not. But most of the time there isn't any particular reason.

It seems the OP is saying, "if they reject you, that means it could have never worked out because of some incompatibility"--- but most of the women I have dated have been people who described looking for someone "just like me" and made the decision to reject me based on relatively little information and/or experience being around me, to even be able to tell if there was any such overriding incompatibility.

I think it's foolish to say you want any number of very specific things in a partner (some of which are somewhat rare), and then find someone with those things, and reject that person "out-of-hand."

So whose loss is it? It's both of ours, I suppose. We both say we want a relationship, and have an opportunity to forge one, out of a limited number of opportunities to do so, and didn't, probably for some trivial reason or assumption or misinterpretation.

Certainly, sometimes it isn't "their loss," and they have made a correct assessment about compatibility.

But to say, essentially, "sometimes people say 'it's their loss,' but that's not always true, sometimes both people in that case are better off apart, and it's no one's loss--so therefore it's never true ..." -- is not something with which I agree ...

I, do, in fact, think that, you, might just, go a, little heavy on, the commas.

hahah just kidding.