Committed a guy to a date he wasn't aware of?


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J_Ann is offline J_Ann Post #1  May 4,2011, 4:54pm
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So I asked this guy that I had been briefly talking to if he wanted to meet for drinks before I met another friend for dinner because I was going to be in his area. He said "yeah, that sounds like fun!" Later I called him to recommend a time and place to meet because I didn't know the area. He said he would think about it and let me know where a good place to go was. He asked if my friend was coming and when I said no he was silent for a bit. I'm thinking he was expecting other people to be there and we had only met once before at a party. I don't think I had given him the impression that other people would be there, but I'm feeling a little awkward now and don't want the night to be awkward. Any suggestions? BTW- after I met him at the party my friend text me after I left asking if he could give him my number. We've talked on the phone a bit, but he hasn't asked me on a date yet, so I thought I'd get the ball rolling by suggesting drinks. We live about 45 -60 minutes away from each other.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 4,2011, 5:15pm
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I'd say this person is likely to be confused about your intention.

The easiest way past this problem it to make your intention clear.

If it's a "date" (a meeting with the intent of investigating interest / suitability for a romantic relationship), you want to make that clear.
 
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tinaroonie is offline tinaroonie Post #3  May 4,2011, 5:16pm
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Hmmm.....I would call him and casually ask him if he was aware it was just going to be the two of you, and if he was okay with that or not. Or if you caught him off guard. I think he probably misunderstood, because you invited him to drinks before you have dinner with a friend, so he just assumed the friend would be there. But now you say that friend is not going to be there. That would throw me for a loop. Clear up the misunderstanding before you go out with him, apologize for the mis-communication, and say that it would be still fun, just the two of you. Good luck.
 
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J_Ann is offline J_Ann Post #4  May 4,2011, 5:31pm
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Thanks for the advice.

Do you think I should tell him to feel free to invite anyone so then it's not so "date-like" if that's not what he wanted. I kind of wanted him to make the first "date" move anyway rather than myself....
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  May 4,2011, 5:35pm
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J_Ann wrote :
Do you think I should tell him to feel free to invite anyone so then it's not so "date-like" if that's not what he wanted. I kind of wanted him to make the first "date" move anyway rather than myself....
Why don't you ask your parents to join while your at it..

Bringing friends along doesn't exactly say..I have a romantic interest in you..

So no on inviting another person. I would make it clear to him what time you are meeting your friend for dinner, that way he knows how much time he has with you..
Last edited by TrekRyder10; May 4,2011 at 5:38pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  May 4,2011, 5:44pm
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J_Ann wrote :
Do you think I should tell him to feel free to invite anyone so then it's not so "date-like" if that's not what he wanted. I kind of wanted him to make the first "date" move anyway rather than myself....

You what?!

So, you want something but take no effort to make it happen?

What about this strategy made sense?
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  May 4,2011, 6:06pm
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J_Ann wrote :
Do you think I should tell him to feel free to invite anyone so then it's not so "date-like" if that's not what he wanted. I kind of wanted him to make the first "date" move anyway rather than myself....
NO! You kind of wanted him to make the first "date" move... but he didn't. And, you decided that if you were going to go out with him, you were going to have to ask him. Mission accomplished.

But, now you're not so sure that he knows it's a date. That is the most awkward thing in the world, when you're not sure if something is a date or not. I went out with a guy once who I had hung out with before as friends. Then, the vibe had kind of changed between us, but I still wasn't sure what was going on. He invited me out one night, but I had no idea if we would be "hanging out" again, or if it was a date. In his email to me, he said "I'm going to X on Saturday, and I would love it if you would join me". OK, this kind of said "date". So, I wrote a reply that said "Great, it's a date" - then I thought "What if it's not?!" (backspace over that...) So, instead, I just said I would meet him there. He wrote back to say "Awesome, it's a date!" (Is it? I still wasn't sure). When I got there, I found that it was just the two of us, but I still wasn't sure if this was a date. It wasn't until later when we ended up making out that I figured out that it was most probably a date.

Then, he actually said something about "Well, on our date..." I admitted that I hadn't been sure it was a date. He replied, "Well, that's why I said 'date' in the email".

The point of my story? Call it a "date" when you contact this guy. Don't just call it "meeting for drinks". Or, you could just make out with him.
 
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aylia is offline aylia Post #8  May 4,2011, 6:12pm
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I agree. Call it a date.

Don't wait for him to guess what it is you want. Ask for it.

Good luck
 
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J_Ann is offline J_Ann Post #9  May 4,2011, 6:15pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
Or, you could just make out with him.
Haha! Love it!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 5,2011, 7:49am
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J_Ann wrote :
Thanks for the advice.

Do you think I should tell him to feel free to invite anyone so then it's not so "date-like" if that's not what he wanted. I kind of wanted him to make the first "date" move anyway rather than myself....
If you are interested in this guy from the perspective of dating then you should not tell him he can invite others.

I see two possibilities for his behavior as you described in the OP.
1) He is not interested in dating you / sees you as a romantic partner.
2) He is extremely shy / is completely inexperienced with dating.

If you wait for him to make the "first date move" I suspect that you are going to be waiting a very long time.
 
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