Sizzle and Fizzle; but no fizzle, just burned


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dcs930 is offline dcs930 Post #1  May 4,2011, 11:16am
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needs a good laugh, a stiff drink, and a massage.

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I met a guy online awhile back and I informed him that I was moving. We shared a couple messages and he told me to let him know when I was settled in my new place so we can catch back up. I disengaged my profile, only because I would have no time and access to meet anyone. When I got back online two weeks later, we started talking again. We finally met and started seeing each other. He would do things out of the ordinary for me as a typical caring person would do. He helped me move some last minute things, and went to the store for me, all out of his kindness and not of me asking. We talked on the phone every night, texted throughout the day, etc. We had plans on Good Friday night to hang out, and he stood me up. No call, no text, no nothing! I got a text the next morning saying that he partied to much the night before and he lost his phone. I let it go. Then we had plans that next Wednesday for him to come by, I make dinner, and we watch a movie. Plans were set for 7:00, dinner was cooking, and I rented a movie already. I didn't hear from him until exactly 7:00 saying the he just woke up and he will be at my house in 30. He made it there for 8. I was already setting myself up that he was going to stand me up again. But the company was great we had a nice time then parted. He had plans to go out of town that weekend (which was this past weekend). Well, I've only heard from him a few times over the weekend and on Monday. No evening calls anymore, no texts throughout the day, he has only sent me pictures of his great weekend. Yesterday, I stopped my communications efforts all together. WTH happened? Where did I screw up?!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  May 4,2011, 11:20am
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You chose the wrong guy?

I mean, being inconsiderate does not point to bad strategy or tactics on your part, they point to bad character on his part. My guess is you were looking at the wrong factors when you chose to date this guy.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  May 4,2011, 11:29am
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When people show and/or tell you who they are...listen carefully...

He obviously likes to 'party'...and doesn't control his drinking and other usage very well that he can't keep simple commitments since he blew you off once...then shows up an hour late the next time..

Not sure what you don't understand about this though...the only thing that has to do with you..is that you have let him 'get away' with this type of behavior which shows him that he can with you....since you decided to go out again after the first time...then didn't just tell him to forget the evening after calling you at the last minute and making you wait...

You have two choices...either let him go and find someone new who respects your time...or if you continue to date this guy...be aware that he will NOT change...and it's likely to be this way over and over again with being unreliable and you being the one to accommodate his schedule...
 
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OlderButWiser0549 is online now OlderButWiser0549 Post #4  May 4,2011, 11:44am
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dcs930 wrote :
WTH happened? Where did I screw up?!
You didn't screw up; he's just an unreliable flake.

Ditto what Ingy said above.
 
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dcs930 is offline dcs930 Post #5  May 4,2011, 11:52am
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Thanks! I guess I just keep tearing it apart, AND using the good things I like about him prominent, since I am struggling being single. I just needed reassurance!
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  May 4,2011, 12:15pm
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Why would you internalize your experience with this person? If you want to take blame for anything to make youself feel better, then perhaps your mistake was letting him slide with standing you up and coming to the next date late. Those are clear red flags that he isn't boyfriend material as well as let you know how unimportant you are in his life.

A man who is truely interested in you would get loaded and pass out prior to a date. A man who is truely interested in you would not call you right on the time of the date just to let you know that he will be late.

He has given you cues about his character and I guess his charm and good looks gave him passes. Might want to set looks aside and focus on one's character a little more in the future. Next, reserve home cooked meals for gentlemen who earns that type of treatment. Never reward bad behavior.

Chalk this experience as a lesson learned and prepare yourself for the next gentleman that will come your way. I am sure he will come sooner than later.

B.Y.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  May 4,2011, 12:41pm
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Not sure of your ages...not sure of your jobs or work schedules to really evaluate this....but....

Maybe I am missing something....where did he screw up?


Sure things happen. But was any sort of bf/gf thing even established or was this just friends?

Many guys after establishing a relationship relax and they stop calling every day, they go back to doing their normal pattern of hanging out with the guys say every thursday night.

You are overanalyzing this.

What happened to talking and asking questions instead of playing guessing games.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #8  May 4,2011, 12:49pm
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wrote :
Maybe I am missing something....where did he screw up?
You apparently missed a couple lines--

"We had plans on Good Friday night to hang out, and he stood me up. No call, no text, no nothing! I got a text the next morning saying that he partied to much the night before and he lost his phone."

Standing up your date without notice to party all night is a no-no.

"were set for 7:00, dinner was cooking, and I rented a movie already. I didn't hear from him until exactly 7:00 saying the he just woke up and he will be at my house in 30. He made it there for 8."

Showing up an hour late without any notice when a date prepares you a home-cooked meal is a no-no.

wrote :
Sure things happen.
The problem is not "things happening", the problem is having no consideration for her time and feelings and not letting her know about those things as early as possible. That is good behavior. What he did is bad behavior. It really doesn't matter if she's his family, date, friend, or acquaintance in all cases what he did was bad behavior.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; May 4,2011 at 12:51pm.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  May 4,2011, 12:49pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Not sure of your ages...not sure of your jobs or work schedules to really evaluate this....but....

Maybe I am missing something....where did he screw up?


Sure things happen. But was any sort of bf/gf thing even established or was this just friends?

Many guys after establishing a relationship relax and they stop calling every day, they go back to doing their normal pattern of hanging out with the guys say every thursday night.

You are overanalyzing this.

What happened to talking and asking questions instead of playing guessing games.
Ummm...did you not read the post?

He completely stood her up on Good Friday...not call..text..nothing....then explained the next day he 'partied' too much...

Then on another date that was for 7pm...he didn't even call until 7 to say he partied again too much...and was sleeping so came an hour late...after she had cooked and planned the whole evening..

In my book...if someone is doing this early on...then it will only get worse...I don't have time for people who disrespect my time...I completely respect others...and some guy who puts 'partying' before me...sorry...out the door...LOL
 
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nunayabizness is offline nunayabizness Post #10  May 4,2011, 1:03pm

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As a guy who is often late, I will tell you that you did nothing wrong.
Put that out of your mind.

I think you may be reading into this a little too much. He is impulsive. The personality traits that led him to help you move and go to the store without knowing you are the same traits that led him to "lose his phone" and "just wake up."

Have you slept with him?

He would not have helped you move if he was not interested.

The problem with internet dating is that someone just as good or even better is always presenting themselves. That goes for you and him.

You just have to roll with it.

I think ultimately compatability does prevail with internet dating, but not because of scientific matching. Compatabilty rules because the true bond perserveres through the torrent of new tempting matches that continually present themselves.
 
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