To pursue or not to pursue?


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rainbowunicorn is offline rainbowunicorn Post #1  May 3,2011, 11:46pm
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I have had 2 dates recently with the same guy. During the first date he said some things that were: too much too soon and caused me to back off and probably appear aloof. I wanted to give him a chance so I went out for the 2nd date during which he was a little more chill. He seemed into me and we shared a great kiss. We exchanged a few texts since and he has not asked me out for a 3rd date. I do not want to be the one asking him. Also, I am not used to being blown off and wonder what the deal is, which I may never know. It has been a week since our last date and I have written him off already. Am I being stubborn and cold?
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #2  May 3,2011, 11:55pm
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I think you are assuming you are the one doing the "written off" process.

It could be that if he has done all the arranging, asking and effort to organise dates 1 and 2 that he has given up on you.
 
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rainbowunicorn is offline rainbowunicorn Post #3  May 4,2011, 12:41am
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No actually it was I who suggested we meet and set up the 1st date. He asked me out for the 2nd right away. Then rather than an actual phone call, I get a rather blah text.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  May 4,2011, 1:22am
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He sounds like he's a bit nervous about dating in general. He probably realized that he did a TMI and is embarrassed about it.

So, maybe you need to suggest that if he wants to go out again that he should plan something. Put the ball in his court while letting him know you are still interested.
 
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rainbowunicorn is offline rainbowunicorn Post #5  May 4,2011, 1:59am
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I thought that I had when I let him know I enjoyed our 2nd date and looked forward to seeing him again.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  May 4,2011, 2:11am
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Seems to me that the both of you have written each other off. You have stated that you came accross aloof on date one and maybe gave him another discouraging vibe on date two. Or, he may have other matches to pursue and based on his dates with you decided to abdicate your position on his dating totem pole.

In all, you will never know why he hasn't asked you out because you refuse to communicate with him on the matter. Since you also stated that you written him off, then it should not matter whether he ask you out again or not.

My vote is for you to not pursue and move on with your life and add your experience as another life lesson learned.

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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  May 4,2011, 4:11am
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rainbowunicorn wrote :
I have had 2 dates recently with the same guy. During the first date he said some things that were: too much too soon and caused me to back off and probably appear aloof. I wanted to give him a chance so I went out for the 2nd date during which he was a little more chill. He seemed into me and we shared a great kiss. We exchanged a few texts since and he has not asked me out for a 3rd date. I do not want to be the one asking him. Also, I am not used to being blown off and wonder what the deal is, which I may never know. It has been a week since our last date and I have written him off already. Am I being stubborn and cold?
Eh, it seems that he wasn't that interested to begin with. But you have already written him off, so it's not a big deal. These things happen, they're called "dating".

Don't worry about it.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #8  May 4,2011, 4:31am
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rainbowunicorn wrote :
No actually it was I who suggested we meet and set up the 1st date. He asked me out for the 2nd right away. Then rather than an actual phone call, I get a rather blah text.
ok in that case he does sound a bit weak. If you like him enough then you will chase him a little more otherwise move on.
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  May 4,2011, 5:14am
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In pretty much any situation where you feel the need to justify going on a 2nd date as "giving him another chance", the outcome is going to be fairly obvious.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  May 4,2011, 6:37am
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You said you "wrote him off", so why wonder about it?
It's done.
 
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