What do you do about a birthday?!


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clover87 is offline clover87 Post #1  May 3,2011, 7:11pm
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Have you ever been dating someone, not in a relationship yet, when their birthday comes around? I'm in this situation right now and I feel like it has the ability to really throw a wrench into things.

We started dating mid-March, and his birthday is mid-May, so it will have been two months by that point. We haven't had the relationship talk. We went on a lunch date today, and everything seems to be going well.

On his actual birthday, I'm pretty sure he's going into the city with his friends from school - they have their last final that evening, so they're going straight from school, so I most likely won't be seeing him that night.

My question is, what do I do about a gift? Do I get him one, or just take him out for drinks or something? I was thinking about getting tickets to his favorite baseball team's game for a weekend in early June (tickets run about $25 each online). I thought it would be thoughtful, as he really likes the team, as well as be a fun date for us.

However, I'm hesitant for a couple of reasons. First, is that too much money? He's always insisted on paying when we've gone out (8 dates, so he's spent more than $50 on me by now). It's not really the issue of me not being able to afford it, it's more, is that too much money to spend on a gift for someone you've only been dating for two months? Second, I don't want to get tickets for a day he wouldn't be able to go. I'd have to somehow bring it up - ask what day he's free or something like that. A) I'm not sure how I'd even bring that up, and B) I'm afraid that if I mention doing something for his birthday it might give the impression that I'm trying to like, bribe him into a relationship or something. Which I'm certainly not trying to do (I would like a relationship, but I know you can't bribe a guy with baseball tickets!).

Any thoughts? If I do go with the tickets, how would I find out what day to purchase them for? Do I just come clean about the tickets, or try to give the least amount of info possible? Or do I forgo the tickets and just take him out for a drink or something?

Thanks in advance!!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  May 3,2011, 7:18pm
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wrote :
My question is, what do I do about a gift? Do I get him one
Absolutely! One year I was in the unusual situation of having a birthday after two dates and the lady bought me a couple small but thoughtful gifts (probably ~$30 total) and it was so sweet.

"Or do I forgo the tickets and just take him out for a drink or something?"

I've been dating a girl two months and no gifts on my birthday? I'd lose interest super-fast. That's one of the days you really appreciate having a partner who's thinking about you.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #3  May 3,2011, 7:18pm
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Your thinking too much. I mean that nicely.
Every time you think of something you have an opposite thought.
Most of the stuff your thinking (he will think your trying to bribe him into a relationship) is your thought not his. Stop that.
Relax, take a deep breath and think which gift to him would give you the most joy in giving.

*the tickets get my vote.
But who am I?
Last edited by livenlearn; May 3,2011 at 7:38pm.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  May 3,2011, 7:20pm
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As far as how much to spend, only you know what's comfortable for you. When co-workers run a marathon I usually kick-in $20 to $50 so I'd feel cheap spending less than that on a girl I was dating.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #5  May 3,2011, 7:21pm
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clover87 wrote :
Have you ever been dating someone, not in a relationship yet, when their birthday comes around? I'm in this situation right now and I feel like it has the ability to really throw a wrench into things.

We started dating mid-March, and his birthday is mid-May, so it will have been two months by that point. We haven't had the relationship talk. We went on a lunch date today, and everything seems to be going well.

On his actual birthday, I'm pretty sure he's going into the city with his friends from school - they have their last final that evening, so they're going straight from school, so I most likely won't be seeing him that night.

My question is, what do I do about a gift? Do I get him one, or just take him out for drinks or something? I was thinking about getting tickets to his favorite baseball team's game for a weekend in early June (tickets run about $25 each online). I thought it would be thoughtful, as he really likes the team, as well as be a fun date for us.

However, I'm hesitant for a couple of reasons. First, is that too much money? He's always insisted on paying when we've gone out (8 dates, so he's spent more than $50 on me by now). It's not really the issue of me not being able to afford it, it's more, is that too much money to spend on a gift for someone you've only been dating for two months? Second, I don't want to get tickets for a day he wouldn't be able to go. I'd have to somehow bring it up - ask what day he's free or something like that. A) I'm not sure how I'd even bring that up, and B) I'm afraid that if I mention doing something for his birthday it might give the impression that I'm trying to like, bribe him into a relationship or something. Which I'm certainly not trying to do (I would like a relationship, but I know you can't bribe a guy with baseball tickets!).

Any thoughts? If I do go with the tickets, how would I find out what day to purchase them for? Do I just come clean about the tickets, or try to give the least amount of info possible? Or do I forgo the tickets and just take him out for a drink or something?

Thanks in advance!!
Only $50 on 8 dates? Impressive. I think I spent about $150 on 2 dates with the previous girl. Anyway, the baseball game is a good idea, $25 isn't much to spend on someone you've been dating for a couple months or whatever...plus, the other ticket is for yourself. Ways of going about it are seeing what his plans look like for June, if he doesn't have anything going on then just buy them and tell him not to make plans for the day you get them for - easy. He'll be looking forward to a "surprise" for a month which is pretty cool in my book, as long as you don't tell him of course.
 
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clover87 is offline clover87 Post #6  May 3,2011, 7:34pm
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jme21 wrote :
Only $50 on 8 dates? Impressive. I think I spent about $150 on 2 dates with the previous girl.
Haha I wrote that wrong, I meant it to say that he's clearly spent at least that, so it's not the issue of like he's spent $5 on me and I'm spending $500.

The tickets are by far my first choice, I think he'd really enjoy it, and it's not just some sort of trinket - it's something that I know he likes. I think just being like, "Any plans for June 8th?" (or whatever) and then being like, "Okay, don't make any!" is a good idea, thanks for the suggestion! I was thinking I could then give him the tickets in a birthday card.

Thanks everyone! I am definitely prone to over-thinking things, so I appreciate the reassurance. Not sure if I'll see him within the next week or so (dang finals), but I'll try to bring it up soon.

One last question - since we've only been dating two months, is it odd to make plans now for say, the last weekend of May? I'm sure I'm over-thinking again, but I just wanted to check.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #7  May 3,2011, 7:43pm
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clover87 wrote :

The tickets are by far my first choice, I think he'd really enjoy it, and it's not just some sort of trinket - it's something that I know he likes. I think just being like, "Any plans for June 8th?" (or whatever) and then being like, "Okay, don't make any!" is a good idea, thanks for the suggestion! I was thinking I could then give him the tickets in a birthday card.
I'd be even more general than that - if he's a baseball fan he's going to know when the team is or isn't in town so he may wonder if that's what you're doing. Nothing wrong with that, he just won't be AS surprised although I'm certain he'll enjoy it all the same.

wrote :
One last question - since we've only been dating two months, is it odd to make plans now for say, the last weekend of May? I'm sure I'm over-thinking again, but I just wanted to check.
No. Just because people start dating a person doesn't mean they should drop everything in their life that they would normally do. Even early on I like to disclose things that I have going on and let them know they're welcome to join me if they're at all interested.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #8  May 3,2011, 7:44pm
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That's a good choice. 2 months is still pretty early. At this stage you'll want to get a "safe" present. Something that's not an actual object, but something more intangible like a baseball game that you can do together. Good choice. Or a keg. Men like kegs.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #9  May 3,2011, 7:45pm
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szgorzelski wrote :
That's a good choice. 2 months is still pretty early. At this stage you'll want to get a "safe" present. Something that's not an actual object, but something more intangible like a baseball game that you can do together. Good choice. Or a keg. Men like kegs.
I love kegs. And kegerators.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 3,2011, 7:51pm
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clover87 wrote :
Have you ever been dating someone, not in a relationship yet, when their birthday comes around?
I have never had this problem. I have never been dating anyone, in any fashion, when their birthday came around. I have never been dating anyone, in any fashion, when my birthday came around. I can't even ever recall having known what any girl that I dated birthday was. Not one of the most pressing subjects on a first date and actually may be considered to be prying a bit to ask.
 
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