shyseattleguy is offline shyseattleguy Post #1  April 29,2011, 6:52pm
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I'm just coming out of an 11 year marriage; I've grieved and mourned enough. I would like to have at least a friend to hang out with, but to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to get started! I'm kind of shy at first, and have always had difficulty meeting people, making and keeping friends and am 0-3 in LTRs.

I need some ideas of where the best places to meet people are. There's really no one at my church that interests me and I refuse to do the bar/club scene. Where else should I be looking, and should I find someone there, how do I get over my shyness and approach her?

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I am 100% totally serious.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  April 29,2011, 6:58pm
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Welcome to the eHA boards, shyseattleguy.

There are many people here who have been through similar transitions. If you can maintain the same social circle that you had when you were part of a couple, that is a very good thing. Most people find that some friends find it difficult to befriend just one of the couple, but others are very good about maintaining friendships with both.

Next to that comes friendships with co-workers. Go for that Friday night beer or the celebratory lunch. Getting to know your co-workers better is a great way to be invited to other social gatherings.

Then I recommend volunteering. You may not meet any potential partners there, but you will meet lots of good people and feel good about the role you play.

If you are a member of a faith group, join some of their activities during the week.

There are lots of ways to rebuild your social life. I hope that you do it with some satisfaction and maybe even some joy.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #3  April 29,2011, 7:01pm
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You could try finding something on meetup.com and meet new people.

Meetups near Seattle, Washington - Meetup
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #4  April 29,2011, 7:09pm
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If you decide to do EH we love to give profile advice that highlights the great uniqueness of you! Welcome.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 29,2011, 7:14pm
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The question begs to be asked ... If you are so shy how did you meet your wife of 11 years? And you say you are 0 for 3 in long term relationships. So how and where did you meet these women?

While it may be that where you were looking for and found the previous women that you have had relationships with was the wrong places to be searching and that was why the relationship failed. However, it is also likely that where you were looking was an acceptable place to search and that the failure was that your "people picker" is broken. In other words you really don't know what you are looking for.

As for where you could / should be looking for suitable women. Well online dating sites are a good place, particularly for the shy person who is not good at "cold calling". I would rate eHarmony and Match as the top sites though there are quite a number of threads related to this question so you may want to search around here and see what other people have to say about that. There are also a number of threads dealing with places to meet potential dates so you may want to search around for some of those also.

Maybe someone that is good at finding other threads will post some links.

And welcome to the Advice boards.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  April 29,2011, 7:51pm
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Question.....how are you sau on the job and foing up and talking to someone you dont really know?

Its not like how it was in high school...what you want to do is maybe take it slow and gradually talk to her.

Places you can meet....what interests you? You could take classes, join a club based on a hobby or interest, volunteer, attend church, join a gym.
 
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aylia is offline aylia Post #7  April 29,2011, 8:06pm
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There's been lots of good points already. I'd suggest trying something new. Is there something you always wanted to learn or do? Maybe it's a good time. It will put you in a new circle of people and give you something to talk about.
 
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realestatedon is offline realestatedon Post #8  April 29,2011, 9:12pm
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Shyness can be over come. Start talking to female friends, co-workers, neighbors. When in a group don't sit back and enjoy the conversation - be part of it.
The ideas mentioned for places to meet women are good,. Remember that there are many places and each place will have opportunities.
The lady I've been with the last several months works at a super market - somewhere most people visit each week. I'd suggest going into the bank rather than going through the drive thru, etc.
Always smile, many ladies have said they like that in a man, and sometimes that will make them start the conversation, especially in the 2 situations mentioned above.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  April 30,2011, 7:00am
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If you do decide to try an online dating site, be careful with your profile. It sounds like you may be just looking for a friend, or maybe a "friend" (with benefits?). If that is what you want, be up front about that. With you just coming off an 11 year marriage, that makes sense.

As a woman who is online looking for a serious relationship, I will close anyone who indicates that they are looking for something more casual. Our goals just do not fit.

I am not suggesting that you lie and say you are looking for something serious if you are not. That is worse. Just be honest and up front, because there are a lot of people who are not looking for anything serious. It's just a big waste of time to find out that the person you are dating is in a completely different place than you are.
 
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