Getting some mixed signals here! Not sure how to proceed!


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Hunterseth is offline Hunterseth Post #1  April 29,2011, 1:31am
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Hey everybody! I could use a little bit of advice about a girl I'm interested in. It's a little complicated, so this will probably be a little long, bear with me, please!

I've known this girl for about 4 years now. We used to work for the same company and I had a small thing for her the day I met her. I didn't really think much of it, I slowly got to know her over the years and we became kind of friends.

About 2 years after I started working with her, we started hanging out outside of work at parties (not by ourselves, among other fellow employees.) As I got to know her, my interest in her grew, I eventually admitted to her that I had a thing for her since day one. She responded kind of awkwardly, she didn't really say yes or no. We ran into this on multiple occasions and it never really got answered.

Shortly after, we ended up attending a party (alcohol was involved) and she started flirting with me. At first she did things like tickle me and pinch my arm. But then she got a little more serious, like touching my leg and holding my hand. That's pretty much as far as things went at the party. Wasn't sure how to read it since she had been drinking.

And unfortunately, that's as far as things went period. Our company downsized and her position was eliminated, she opted to leave the company instead of being demoted. I kinda shrugged and accepted the fact I probably would never see her again.

Fast forward 2 years later (so right around now.) While she no longer works for the company, her sister does. One day, I was helping her sister out with something when she stopped in to meet up with her. Both her and her sister were going out to lunch and asked if I would like to come since I was getting off in the next couple of minutes. I agreed.

During our time at lunch, I mentioned that I finally made a Facebook page (I was one of those people who never wanted to get involved with it.) She scolded me for not adding her and shortly after our lunch, she added me.

A few weeks later and she posts on my wall asking when are we going to get a drink sometime. I tell her I'm down for whenever, just let me know. Normally I would have just left the ball in her court, but I got invited to a party and figured I should invite her.

I send her a message on FB with an invitation. She says she couldn't make it, she had other plans (it was short notice, like the day before.) I told her it was fine, just text me. She responds that she no longer has my number and leaves me with hers. I text her later with my number.

So about a week ago, I get an IM on facebook (which I completely did not see) followed by a text message asking me to come out to a bar with her and her sister and girlfriends. I readily accept and make my way over to where she's at.

Events when I met her at the bar were nearly identical to what happened at the party 2 years ago. She starts with the body language, she puts her hand on my leg and runs it down my thigh (so not your typical friendly leg touch there.) I should state for the record, I do reciprocate, so it's not like she doesn't think I'm interested.

Eventually, everyone decides to go there own ways. Everyone took separate cars, so I take this time to walk her to her car. We talk for a while and I give her a hug and say "It was nice seeing you!" (d'oh!) She quickly scolds and corrects me on how I shouldn't say that, and how we would see each other again.

The remainder of that conversation was kind of awkward, and it somehow led to me saying I still had feelings for her. She said that I should stop holding back. Taking that as the last sign, I go in for a kiss.

Have to say, it was amazing. Like scratching an itch you've had for 4 years. I could tell it wasn't weird for her either. Her body language definitely made it apparent she wanted me to kiss her.

You'd think, so far, so good, right? Well, here was the first red flag. Right before we went separate ways, she said "Don't tell my sister about this, ok?" I didn't think much of it because I work with her sister and this was just the start. But thinking about it now, it seemed kind of strange.

I decided the day after that I would give it some space, I didn't want to get too excited or anything. So I waited until the day after to text her. I asked her if she wanted to get a drink with me later that night. She responded later along the lines "Awe, wish I could, but I have plans with my family!" I told her that's fine, just let me know whenever your free. Figured I'd leave the ball in her court.

Couple days later and I don't really hear from her. I later make plans for a get together this Saturday night. I decided to send her a FB message inviting her. A couple days later and no response (although it was more like a "You should come!" message rather than a "Can you come?")

So that's where I'm at right now, any ideas on what I should do? I know, it's only been A WEEK since we kissed. But I'm already starting to see those 'poofing' signs, I have a strong feeling I may not hear from her for some time.

I know I didn't scare her off. I've only made communication with her twice in a week (granted both were efforts to make plans, both of them failing.) Not to mention it's not like I just met this girl, I've known her for 4 years!

But here's the kicker (and is one of the main reasons why I'm posting this.) A couple years back, she dated another guy from work and I had heard a rumor that after a couple of dates, he just flat out never heard from her again. I took this rumor with a grain of salt. But now that I'm in that same scenario, I can't help but feel it's going to happen to me.

I'm really confused as to how to take this. On the plus side, there's the invites, the flirting/physical contact/kissing, the "don't say that, we will see each other again!" line.

On the negatives. We have the "Don't tell my sister/friends about this." The experience I had with her at the party 2 years prior, the guy before me who she supposedly disappeared on, and the 2 failures to arrange a meeting.

Right now, I have it narrowed down to 2 courses of action. I can wait it out and wait for her to reach me (and judging by the last 4 years, she will want to get together again, problem is, I have no clue how long that could be.)

My other option (and right now the more favorable.) Is to be straight forward and just flat out ask her if she wants to see me. No more of this wishy washy stuff, straight yes or no answer. If I get a no, then I'm afraid I'm just going to have to break off all communication with her. As much as I'd hate to do that, I don't want to run the risk of starting this whole brutal cycle over again.

What do you guys think? Am I reading into this too quickly? Should I give this longer than just a week? Or since I already know her, should I just be up front and get it over with? If this was some girl I just met, my answer would be pretty clear.

Sorry for the long post! I'm a stickler for details, plus I think this is a little complicated since I've known her for a while.

Thanks!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #2  April 29,2011, 2:16am
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based on what I've read I think she has another man in her life.

ring her and tell her you want to go on a date and ask her when she's available.

" A couple years back, she dated another guy from work and I had heard a rumor that after a couple of dates, he just flat out never heard from her again. I took this rumor with a grain of salt. But now that I'm in that same scenario, I can't help but feel it's going to happen to me."
- I would ignore all this. I wouldn't even put a grain of salt on it. people spread rumours because they are bitter or another agenda. Remember the saying "Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear".
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  April 29,2011, 2:16am
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based on what I've read I think she has another man in her life.

ring her and tell her you want to go on a date and ask her when she's available.

" A couple years back, she dated another guy from work and I had heard a rumor that after a couple of dates, he just flat out never heard from her again. I took this rumor with a grain of salt. But now that I'm in that same scenario, I can't help but feel it's going to happen to me."
- I would ignore all this. I wouldn't even put a grain of salt on it. people spread rumours because they are bitter or another agenda. Remember the saying "Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear".
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  April 29,2011, 2:20am
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"Don't tell my sister/friends about this."
- your biggest mistake was failing to challenge this statement. by not challenging it you are allowing her unreasonable power and she needed to be put in her place at this point because it was a very cheeky thing for her to say.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  April 29,2011, 2:20am
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"Don't tell my sister/friends about this."
- your biggest mistake was failing to challenge this instruction. by not challenging it you are allowing her unreasonable power and she needed to be put in her place at this point because it was a very cheeky thing for her to say.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #6  April 29,2011, 5:10am
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She is a tease. If you like being teased, then keep playing her game. If not, give up. She's too hard to communicate with.

I also consider her request not to tell her sister about the two of you to be very suspicious. Why the secrecy? Normal adults don't behave this way unless they are hiding something.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #7  April 29,2011, 5:43am
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She sounds like a tease... but she did ask you to be direct... so I'd go with what Steve suggested and ring her up and tell her you'd like to ask her out and when is she available? Not much to lose. If she says like she needs to check her schedule you can ask her about the "don't tell my sister" bit and then probably move on.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; April 29,2011 at 5:50am.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  April 29,2011, 5:59am
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wrote :
I'm a stickler for details, plus I think this is a little complicated since I've known her for a while.
here's a little detail you forgot...

Pick.
Up.
The.
Phone.


First off, you dropped the ball when you didn't get her number..
Forget about all this facebook nonsense!
this is where you're sending mixed signals..

Although she sounds a bit coy, you've got to be more direct with the communication.

I've no idea why both of you has to be some sort of secret among her sister & friends...maybe the sister has a crush on you or something??..who knows...
Last edited by TheThinker; April 29,2011 at 6:04am.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  April 29,2011, 6:17am
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annother wrote :
She is a tease. If you like being teased, then keep playing her game. If not, give up. She's too hard to communicate with.

I also consider her request not to tell her sister about the two of you to be very suspicious. Why the secrecy? Normal adults don't behave this way unless they are hiding something.
Sorry I fell asleep reading the OP and did not see this part, but ... maybe the sister, whom he is now working with, has the hots for him. You think, or don't ya???
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; April 29,2011 at 9:12am. Reason: Oops, that should have been NOW instead of not.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #10  April 29,2011, 6:22am
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get rid of her. she's a tease like others said.

"don't tell my sister about this, ok?" ummm ok why would you anyway...I agree it's a weird thing to say.

So when alcohol is involved she flirts with you/kisses you but when she's sober she can't be bothered answering your messages? Walk away from her, man she's trouble.

I just have this mental picture of her being this really cute girl next door type but that she thinks she's a princess who can run around teasing men and generally being a terrible person.
 
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