MEN: How do you REALLY feel about dating a woman with kids?


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violet76 is offline violet76 Post #1  April 27,2011, 4:36pm
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Just curious...how do guys feel about dating a woman with children? What is your preference on how you are introduced to a woman's children and in what sort of timeline? Any horror or success stories you'd care to share? I've never dated with kids before - and I've really found these boards so interesting. People have such diverse views - I am loving how I am able to hear many different viewpoints! Thanks so much!

(For the record, I would only introduce my children to a man I was really serious about, and after several months of dating...I just want to hear how a man really feels about dating someone with children and things that have or have NOT worked out in their experience!)
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  April 27,2011, 5:28pm
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Hey Violet,

I'm about to try that for the first time.

Since I have kids myself, so I don't see it as a big deal.

While I asked quite a few questions about the children in case it progresses to that point, I don't expect them to be present during our first date(s). First, because we need to see if we click, and second because IMHO a responsible parent will not expose their children to a series of random strangers they meet online. We may talk about them a bit, but otherwise I expect our date(s) to be focused on whether we can have a good connection, like any other date.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #3  April 27,2011, 5:32pm
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violet76 wrote :
Just curious...how do guys feel about dating a woman with children? What is your preference on how you are introduced to a woman's children and in what sort of timeline? Any horror or success stories you'd care to share? I've never dated with kids before - and I've really found these boards so interesting. People have such diverse views - I am loving how I am able to hear many different viewpoints! Thanks so much!

(For the record, I would only introduce my children to a man I was really serious about, and after several months of dating...I just want to hear how a man really feels about dating someone with children and things that have or have NOT worked out in their experience!)
Well, I dated someone for 6 months before who had one kid and a recent dating stint with someone that had two. While the first one didn't work out, I gained invaluable experience in the realm of dating someone who has kids, as I never had before. In that situation, I met her and her kid for the first time, at the same time, so it was kinda weird but we hit it off really well before meeting, so I didn't really think much of it at the time. After that ended I kinda figured I'd never date someone that had kids again, but that changed when I met the most recent woman. I specifically told her I didn't want to meet her kids unless I knew the relationship was going somewhere, and obviously she being a protective mother herself, that wasn't an issue and wouldn't let it happen but on on her own terms anyway. The speed in which the "relationship" evolve kinda dictates the timing of said meeting in my opinion, but if it didn't happen after the 1-2 month mark I would probably question the woman's interest and whether she's really willing to let someone into her and her childrens lives, especially if all the dates/meetings before hand were nothing but positive. It's purely situational though just because dating someone with kids typically may mean they don't have a lot of free time without them, therefore the alone time/dates are limited to maybe a few times a month. For me, the slow roll at the beginning is fine because I understand the circumstances but to really progress a relationship I think there needs to progressively be more together time and less phone/text time for getting to know them.
Last edited by jme21; April 27,2011 at 5:35pm.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #4  April 27,2011, 5:32pm
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I prefer it actually. I have 2 boys, and therefore I would prefer someone who understands where I am coming from, and who has parenting experience.

My sons have only met one girl I have dated. It was after about 3 months and it was after they showed interest. They are 8 and 10, so I kind of leave it up to them mostly.

If the kid(s) were really young I think it can be earlier than that.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  April 27,2011, 5:35pm
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violet76 wrote :
Just curious...how do guys feel about dating a woman with children?
No issues with it..

wrote :
What is your preference on how you are introduced to a woman's children and in what sort of timeline?
For me, I think it depends on how the relationship is progressing. Are we just doing the casual thing or it is moving toward an exclusive relly. I've meet the kids as soon as the 3rd date. However the decision is up to you, and as long as it a realistic timeline..I'll respect whatever that decision is..

wrote :
Any horror or success stories you'd care to share?
I wouldn't call it a horror story. Just saw a different side of her when the kids were present. She was not the woman or mother she presented herself to be, and the kids had complete control. There were a few times I was embarassed to be seen with her and the kids in public places. It was a complete turn-off.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  April 27,2011, 6:06pm
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I dont have an issue with her being a single mother. That plays little factor in it.

As far as meeting your kids it depends on their age. I understand waiting longer when they are pre-schooling age. I will not wait 6 months to meet your kids because the kids are a big chunk of your life and how you are around them will show me some of your character.

I am not expected to replace their father.

A big fqactor though with a single mother is how she shows herself when it comes to her financial situation. If she comes off to me as a single mother looking for a man to take care oif her and do man things or financially rescue her then forget it...I am walking away.
 
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dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #7  April 27,2011, 6:08pm
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i don't have any children. and i wouldn't want to be with a woman with kids. i think there are too many issues to deal with because i couldn't relate. thus i think it is better to match up with someone with kids if you already have kids. however, i heard about kurt warner, the football qb star. he was single and ended up getting married to a woman with kids. so, like everything in life... people have individual preferences. i don't know how kurt felt before meeting his wife. life is like a box of chocolates.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #8  April 27,2011, 7:36pm
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I don't have kids. That being established.

A woman with or without kids has no bearing on my decision to date her or not. The only exception being if the kids are very unruly and not discplined and thus cause a lot of stress in my life or other things.

Ex... i once dated this gal that we got along great but her kid was SOOOOOOOOO unruly and undsicplined and out of control. The kid would kick his feet all around my car (i had a soft top convertible.. throw his metallic car around in my car (hitting the glass at times).... During the time I dated her, my power windows suddenly didn't work (the one where he was sitting) and a tear showed up in my soft top that i had to get repaired and replaced for $2000.

It's the only time in my life I decided not to date somebody because of their kid.

Beyond that, it is almost an attraction to me because I've alwyas wanted to have family and be a father but don't have kids myself, and the likelihood of it has probably passed or nearly passed ~ so i think it may start to become a + for me personally.

Richey
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #9  April 28,2011, 4:40am
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I'm not interested in dating women with kids. That's not to say it's a deal breaker but it's very undesirable to me.
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #10  April 28,2011, 5:34am
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I'm a woman but I just want to say I wish people were more open-minded about this. Just having been on the receiving end as a child, I just think people are too set in their ways about this issue. If you seriously cannot deal with someone else's children, okay, it's better for you to avoid women/men with children.

However, please consider how unfair it is to everyone else involved. The mother or father who cannot change their situation and unfortunately their relationship with the other parent didn't work out. The child, who is now seen as a burden no matter how much love they receive, because the child is an impediment to their parent's remarriage/dating prospects.

I used to think I would never date a man with a child based on my own experiences of how people just cannot accept another person's child. Then I got mature about it and realized, hey, I know what it is like so I should be open-minded about it! Who cares if the guy has a child already? Do I really care that he and I cannot share a "first" child together? No, of course I don't care because there is nothing more wonderful or unselfish than welcoming such a child into your heart, even if it is the hardest thing to do and the child may not accept you at first.

I met a guy through eH who was about 5 years older than me and had a child. I was willing and open about it - this was a huge step for me. We didn't click but I was glad I didn't write him off for having a child.
 
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