To date or not to date


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aylia is offline aylia Post #1  April 26,2011, 8:36pm
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What signs tell you that a person is not ready to be dating right now?

I could leave it at that, but it's really my 'top' question these days. Should I try? Should I wait? And if I wait, what am I waiting for?
 
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clover87 is offline clover87 Post #2  April 26,2011, 8:48pm
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Are you talking about yourself?

Personally, when I felt like I was ready to consciously try to not let my past issues affect a current one, I felt ready. I think it also depends on the person you meet - if you're really compatible with someone, that will help you be "ready."

If you're questioning it, though, you might not be... I think your reasons why you're wondering this, if you're willing to share, might be helpful.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #3  April 26,2011, 9:47pm
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The comment under your avatar tells me you may not be ready yet.
 
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aylia is offline aylia Post #4  April 27,2011, 4:12am
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Yes, I am talking about myself. I'm not sure what I'd say about my current situation without being quite long winded.

What might I say... I'll skip relaying my history and give a few more current examples.

I made a new years resolution to see more people than last year (since I only saw two people). I've had to push myself to go out about every time I see someone. Even someone that I've seen I few times. When I look at profiles I seem to be looking to eliminate people as possibilities (primarily) rather than see the potential. (and I wouldn't consider myself a negative or judgemental person) When I get a message from someone I see it as something else to deal with or something like that. At least I'm definately not excited about it.

I wonder about accepting how I feel as not ready as more of an excuse to not try. I would almost be too easy. But, I hate to hurt or mislead anyone I might date.

My comment under my avatar is primarily related to some health issues I'm trying to manage that are making things difficult.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  April 27,2011, 4:36am
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aylia wrote :
I've had to push myself to go out about every time I see someone. Even someone that I've seen I few times. When I look at profiles I seem to be looking to eliminate people as possibilities (primarily) rather than see the potential. (and I wouldn't consider myself a negative or judgemental person) When I get a message from someone I see it as something else to deal with or something like that. At least I'm definately not excited about it.
Based on the above, I say you should definitely take a break.

Pushing yourself to see someone, looking to eliminate matches and generally looking at dating as a chore..is not a good frame of mind for anything positive to happen.

You're not being fair to YOU..and as you know, it's not fair for the guy, either.

So take a break, recharge your batteries, and chances are, the enthusiasm will come back for you.
Last edited by TheThinker; April 27,2011 at 4:38am.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  April 27,2011, 5:10am
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I think you need more of a social life right now than actual dating. Perhaps you should change your profile to say seeking "friends"?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  April 27,2011, 5:37am
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There are two things that I've discovered in life:

1) There is no such thing as a perfect time to date - life always throws curve balls.

2) It's amazing how easy it is to make time to see the right person. When you meet someone who excites you, it's energizing.

So, even when you feel half hearted and bogged down in stuff, there is no way to run into that right person unless you put yourself out there at least a little.
 
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aylia is offline aylia Post #8  April 27,2011, 7:20am
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TheThinker wrote :
Based on the above, I say you should definitely take a break.

Pushing yourself to see someone, looking to eliminate matches and generally looking at dating as a chore..is not a good frame of mind for anything positive to happen.

You're not being fair to YOU..and as you know, it's not fair for the guy, either.

So take a break, recharge your batteries, and chances are, the enthusiasm will come back for you.
I'm not sure I've ever had enthusiam for dating, since that would only apply to the last few years. My first date was with my first boyfriend, whom (I hate trying to use the word whom...but I think it might be right in this case) I was with for about 13 years.

So, after three years I start to wonder if I'll ever feel differently.
 
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aylia is offline aylia Post #9  April 27,2011, 7:29am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I think you need more of a social life right now than actual dating. Perhaps you should change your profile to say seeking "friends"?

I'm pretty sure it does. At least it did... I have avoided even logging onto dating websites lately. I'm not sure if it works to make friends online. Has it worked for other people here. I've never searched for females that are looking for friends. Maybe I'll look. Do guys ever really want to be friends or are they looking for a "friend".

I agree about the social life thing. The closest I come to having a social life is going out to lunch with a couple of people from work or visiting my married friends. Living in my hometown I have a large network of people that I know and things that I do, but it's typically not with people my own age and certainly not in a group with single people or new people to meet.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  April 27,2011, 7:39am
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Honestly.. the answer is very simple.

You know you're ready to date when you could care less if you have a date or a relationship and are perfectly fine without either.

Richey
 
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