How do you bring up exclusivity?


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clover87 is offline clover87 Post #1  April 26,2011, 7:20pm
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Upon reading many dating articles, something that most have in common is advising a woman not to "ask about the status of the relationship" or "ask the man how he feels about her."

Women, do you usually initiate this discussion or wait for him? Men, do you like being the one to initiate it, or doesn't it matter? Would it be off-putting if the woman you've been dating brought it up?

Also, what's your usual time-frame (either number of dates or number of weeks/months) before you decide to go into commitment? Do you usually "date exclusively" first, or go right into a relationship?

Lastly, how do you initiate this conversation?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  April 26,2011, 8:18pm
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clover87 wrote :
Upon reading many dating articles, something that most have in common is advising a woman not to "ask about the status of the relationship" or "ask the man how he feels about her."
I think this is silly.
Women, do you usually initiate this discussion or wait for him? Men, do you like being the one to initiate it, or doesn't it matter? It doesn't matter. Would it be off-putting if the woman you've been dating brought it up? No!

Also, what's your usual time-frame (either number of dates or number of weeks/months) before you decide to go into commitment? Do you usually "date exclusively" first, or go right into a relationship?
Huh

Lastly, how do you initiate this conversation? Guess I will let someone wiser than I to answer this question. No one I ever have dated wanted to be exclusive with me.
Above.
 
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clover87 is offline clover87 Post #3  April 26,2011, 8:22pm
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Thanks for your input.

As for the third little paragraph, I meant how long do you usually wait before bringing that up. And then, do you date exclusively first (as in, you're not dating anyone else, but you don't put a relationship label on it yet), or do you jump right from dating to relationship?
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #4  April 26,2011, 9:01pm
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Immediately
 
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lobstermilkshake is offline lobstermilkshake Post #5  April 26,2011, 9:06pm
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If I want to be burdened by an encumbrance on my dating freedom then I will gladly say so myself. If I don't then the implication is that seeing other people is still okay.

A man should have the guts to bring it up himself. I do have the guts, but maybe I don't want to commit to you right now? At the same time, there is no reason why we can't enjoy sex together.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  April 26,2011, 9:19pm
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wrote :
advising a woman not to "ask about the status of the relationship" or "ask the man how he feels about her."
Question--was the article written by a woman? Communication is good!! If my date were concerned, I'd want them to ask.

wrote :
Men, do you like being the one to initiate it, or doesn't it matter?
Doesn't matter.

wrote :
Would it be off-putting if the woman you've been dating brought it up?
Not at all. Certainly exclusions apply--applying for exclusivity on a first date before either party has decided whether they enjoy each other's company is off-putting and has happened before.

wrote :
As for the third little paragraph, I meant how long do you usually wait before bringing that up. And then, do you date exclusively first (as in, you're not dating anyone else, but you don't put a relationship label on it yet), or do you jump right from dating to relationship?
Sorry, like Gr8Guy I'm drawing a blank. To me "dating exclusively" is synonymous with "being in a relationship".
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #7  April 26,2011, 9:28pm
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lobstermilkshake wrote :
If I want to be burdened by an encumbrance on my dating freedom then I will gladly say so myself.. At the same time, there is no reason why we can't enjoy sex
Since I signed up two days ago I only have two Stage 4s andt no concrete dates. Yowser! I sure hope you're not having better luck than me.
 
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eDisharmony is offline eDisharmony Post #8  April 26,2011, 9:29pm
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clover87 wrote :
Men, do you like being the one to initiate it, or doesn't it matter?
I prefer to bring it up first.

clover87 wrote :
Would it be off-putting if the woman you've been dating brought it up?
Yes. Nothing wrong with her dropping hints, though.

clover87 wrote :
As for the third little paragraph, I meant how long do you usually wait before bringing that up. And then, do you date exclusively first (as in, you're not dating anyone else, but you don't put a relationship label on it yet), or do you jump right from dating to relationship?
1-2 months into it for the boyfriend/girlfriend conversation or "exclusivity" as some people here refer to it.

Jump right from dating to relationship...might date other people for a little in the beginning, but I'd always stop doing that before giving the bf/gf conversation.

clover87 wrote :
Lastly, how do you initiate this conversation?
I just bring it up when the time is right.
 
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clover87 is offline clover87 Post #9  April 26,2011, 9:31pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Question--was the article written by a woman?
By both actually - the premise being that a man likes it more, and becomes more interested, when he has to do the "chasing," if you will. Once a woman becomes too easy to "catch," he loses interest.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #10  April 26,2011, 9:49pm
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clover87 wrote :
By both actually - the premise being that a man likes it more, and becomes more interested, when he has to do the "chasing," if you will. Once a woman becomes too easy to "catch," he loses interest.
To me, the idea that men always lime to be the pursuer is overblown. First, notice all the threads where men lose interest because the woman fails to ever initiate contact. Second, I've been asked out on dates by women twice and I loved it. Most polls I've seen show guys don't mind being asked out on a date by an attractive woman.

I'll admit the women that I don't believe I can date are slightly more attractive, but that's hardly a guy-only thing. Remember the stereotype about women being more interested in guys with wedding rings.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; April 26,2011 at 9:52pm.
 
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